My Kundalini Rose Five Years Ago

[FDRLincoln]

Five years ago next week, my kundalini rose. It was unexpected...not something I was trying to work on or anticipating.

The first six months were bliss/ecstasy. But then the hard spiritual work began, especially over the last two years.

I find myself at another crossroads as the anniversary approaches. My spiritual energies are increasing again, and I feel like I'm about to take another big step forward. However, it is going to involve a lot of courage on my part, breaking away from old things for example.

My spirit guides are "strongly suggesting" that I write a book about my experiences. I already have a 140 page completed manuscript describing the first part of my breakthrough, but it has been sitting on my computer for a couple of years because it felt incomplete. But over the last week, during dreamwork and waking meditation, the path on how to complete the book has become clear. I know exactly how to do it.

The problem is this: to finish it will require BRUTAL honesty, with myself but also with and about important people in my life, including my wife. My wife has been 90% supportive through my process. We have an excelent marriage, but we have a few strong bones of contention, one of them directly related to the breakthrough, and finishing the book will require me to address this directly and in a way that is likely to make her very angry.

So I find myself torn. I feel like I MUST finish the book. But doing so could cause a rupture in my marriage. What should I do?

I know the answer. I have to finish the book, in the way that I need to do so, even if it causes problems. But I am hesitating.

Any thoughts would be appreciated.

[Why Syzygy]

1. Is there any way

that you can write what you need to and shield your wife at the same time? I'm thinking your guides will have an answer.

There is a facebook group that deals with spiritual crisis. Don't know if it would be of interest ...
http://www.facebook.com/groups/Transpersonal.Psych/

[FDRLincoln]

5. wife

"Shielding" her is difficult. We share a very close connection, and when I think about certain painful topics, she can feel it in her chest....even if we are 200 miles away and haven't talked about the issue lately.

She knows I am being drawn to finish the book and says she will support me. But, there are certain things I will have to do in order to finish the book, which could cause the problems. She has a great deal of influence on me, too much sometimes. There are certain things I have to say and do that she will not approve of, and I have to be OK with her disapproval and not change what I feel and think just to keep her happy. I think that is part of the process actually.

My guides told me that she will react with more acceptance than I currently believe, but I am still hesistant.

[Kind of Blue]

2. Welcome to ASAH, FDRLincoln!

:hi: As someone here once told me bluntly during a reading, "Write the damn book!" :rofl: Everything will settle itself later. It was exciting because I never mentioned what I was doing - fear, trepidation and all that though I knew it has to be finished - and this was at the point where you are now. Get it down on paper without the pressure of tomorrow. I'm thinking if your wife reads it all, perhaps you can go over together what might do the least harm, if any, and say what has to be said.

If you want the contact for a reading, let me know.

on edit: I see you've been here at DU forever! But hi, anyway :)

[I Have A Dream]

3. That's a good idea, Blue.

The first step is the writing of the book. That doesn't mean that it has to be immediately published.

However, in my opinion, the initial writing of the book needs to be done with complete freedom to express things as you experienced them. Fine-tuning as a joint project with his wife can be the next step.

:thumbsup:

[Kind of Blue]

15. I agree, Dream.

Mine was the opposite. The first half of the story I'd written partly deals with a child who's mother passed away. This first half was written before I met my husband and the subsequent death of his ex-wife. Then I got first hand experience of a child going through the ordeal and rewrote the section. And then worried that it might not bode well with my step-daughter. I asked her to read it and she has absolutely no problem with it. But it was good to do so initially without the worrying.

[FDRLincoln]

6. work

I have a psychic I trust as well as an energy worker. They both indicate that their sources say I should do this as well.

My energy worker says the energy relationship between my wife and myself will change, that it will be difficult at times, but in the end better for both of us.

[Kind of Blue]

17. Oh, that's great. I'm so glad they agree.

Yeah, it almost seems like you must finish it for your wife's sake - that she may be the first one your book helps before anyone else reads it. I wish you so much luck, FDRLincoln. What you're doing feels so right to me - I know that means nothing, really - but I'm looking forward to reading of your experience too :hug:

[Ricochet21]

4. Every time I've asked the "Holy Spirit"

He has just said to me, "Shut up and keep writing". We almost to print stage now.

Speak truth

[FDRLincoln]

7. holy spirit

I call IT (the Power, The Love, Source, Holy Spirit, God) Goddess since I experience the presence as Female, although She also said that the Goddess image is a mask She uses, the one that is best for me and easiest for me to deal with.

[FDRLincoln]

8. more

Without going into details, the main complicating factor is that there is someone I need to talk to, in order to have the information I need to finish the book, that my wife absolutely despises (for good reason). Any and all mention of this person gets my wife very upset.

This person did something damaging and destructive. I have forgiven this person and understand the larger issues about why this person did what they did. But my wife has not forgiven this person and never will.

Our opinion about this person is not the same, and I have found myself (at times) altering my opinion about this person to "match" what my wife thinks, but then realizing when the conversation is over that my "real" opinion switches back to what I thought previously.

One of my spiritual issues is that I too often am a chameleon and alter my opinions under peer pressure or to avoid "looking bad."

[lildreamer316]

9. Goodness; my husband does that also..

bless him.(alters his opinions at the time he's in someone else's presence)

I don't have NEAR the spiritual experience you do,but I agree that you must go ahead and do this...as close as you and your wife are (my husband takes on my physical symptoms sometimes, so I sort of know what you mean in a cruder sense); you are not the same person/exactly the same, and of course there will be something in this life you will disagree on. I know you want to spare her pain, but hopefully she would see past her pain to the spiritual good this will do for you.

Please keep us posted. I believe I am possibly starting my kundalini journey. I'm a bit confused as to why it has presented itself to me in the way that it has...would look forward to your information :)

[MagickMuffin]

10. Please do not let your wife influence you this way

She NEEDS to come to terms with this, and she MUST forgive this person as it is causing her spiritual problems if she can never forgive this person. I'm sure that everyone has one or more of these kinds of people in their past relationships. I have several myself. I have forgiven them in spirit, not in a personal one to one face off. I preferred to do it within the spiritual realm as I think this will shelter me from further harm they caused me.

I have a wonderful discourse on forgiveness. If you would like to read it PM me and I will send it to you. It gives good sound advice and even a short meditation on how to forgive others as well as ourselves. Not forgiving is very destructive to us spiritually.


So, write your book and don't let anything stand in your way. Apparently that is the directive from the Cosmic. Good Luck!

:hi:

[Why Syzygy]

11. What I think..

as I read the issue, was that his wife (not only 'forgive'), but also examine the shadow cast in her own soul by this dark entity.
As above so below. Inner is Outer. There is no distinction. People who bug me the most have the most to teach me. I hate to admit/accept.
But I know it to be true.

[rosesaylavee]

12. Exactly!

The people who bug us most definitely have a lesson to share. Its like a red flag for me now. Doesn't always or maybe almost never makes it easier dealing with the person or persons but I am less likely to speak words I regret later.

[BlueIris]

13. Woah, spooky. Are you me? I am also celebrating the five year anniversary

of my awakening, which some of you here may remember. It was also unexpected and not something I was particularly looking for at the time (at least, not on the conscious level.)

I say finish the book. Maybe it's not as bad as you think? And if your spouse really, really has a huge problem with it, maybe some editing/revision can smooth things over before you consider publication. I'd also consider publishing under a pseudonym, for various reasons.

I'm a writer, too, by the way, and I know it's hard to commit to writing the things we think might offend or hurt people.

[Kookaburra]

14. Question for you BI

I am woefully ignorant of the kundalini awakening, so I googled it and found a list of symptoms, and (what do you know?) they exactly describe what's been going on with my body for the past 3 years.

So my question is can one have a kundalina awakening when one doesn't even know what that is?

[BlueIris]

16. I am hardly the expert, but yes, I think it's possible. Mine was, er...

all at once, not a gradual awakening. I was playing around with some red calcite in someone's store, and noticed that it left me feeling warm and fuzzy. And I thought, "Hmmm, that's never happened before. Everyone I knows says they can 'feel things' in rocks, but I never have...is this what they are supposed to 'feel' like?" So I took the calcite home, along with some yellow or honey calcite.

That night, I was playing around with the yellow calcite and warm energy started to spread up my arm. Then, it pretty much enveloped my entire body. This was great, and I think there are some posts here in the archives from the first couple of days I was experiencing this. Yes, I stayed that way for days. I think the thinking was, "It's great, why stop it?" For a while, I thought New Agers walked around trying to feel that way all the time.

Looking back, there may have been other factors, especially other tools involved. Meditation, and I'd been playing with a piece of serpentine around that point (a stone which is known for helping kundalini rise.) I was not "looking" for it, had no idea what it was, and before it started happening in that profound, physical way, I was probably 80-90% skeptical of the idea that "energy" was even a real concept. I thought most of my New Age friends were, well, making up or exaggerating their stories about it.

The biggest indicator that "It" was coming, though, was actually in my natal chart itself--I had Saturn almost exact on the 10th house cusp when the whole thing began, even having a sort of "part two" of the kundalini experience when Saturn made an exact conjunction with my Midhaven. I found out that Saturn on the 10th sometimes corresponds with a spiritual awakening in some cases. What's going on in your astrology? You may find there's been a significant transit happening for you at this time.

[Kookaburra]

19. No clue about the astrology chart

It makes absolutely no sense to me, and every time I try to understand it I get a headache. So, I don't know.

[FDRLincoln]

18. well.

I'm a writer by trade, but in a VERY different genre...in fact, when I publish the book (and I will do it myself if I have to), I will have to use a fake name since this kind of material would destroy my reputation in my real-life job.

Even within the spiritual community, my experience was very...different...and would offend some people, although both my psychic and energy worker say that's the whole point and why it needs to be published.

The root of the possible conflict with my wife is this.

1) Person X hurt me very, VERY badly. The worst pain I have ever felt in my life.
2) I used this pain to uproot and deal with some very, very old wounds from childhood that I was not even conscious of, but that answered a lot of questions.
3) I had reached a spiritual plateau before meeting person X.
4) I am now moving forward again, but could not have one so without uprooting and examining the childhood wounds. IT WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN POSSIBLE TO DO THIS WITHOUT PERSON X HURTING ME.
5) I understand now the deeper purpose behind the whole experience.
6) I have forgiven person X and hold no bitterness. It still hurts sometimes but for the most part my feelings regarding person X are now positive, especially now that I understand WHY it had to happen the way it did.
7) My wife has not forgiven person X for hurting me, hates person X's guts, has stated she will never forgive person X, and has expressed pain and frustration about my attitude. She says that since she was hurt by person X, too, that I am being selfish and putting my feelings ahead of hers. She also says she knows I will not change my mind about this, and is trying to come to terms with it.

We talked more about it this afternoon. She says she supports the book idea.

The problem I have is this: in order to write the book, I feel like I have to resolve some unfinished business with person X and talk to person X about a few things. But that would cause a huge problem with my wife.

My wife is the best person I know, the most loving, the kindest, and my best friend for the last 25 years. The last thing I would ever want to do is hurt her, Yet every instinct I have says I have to go forward with this.

I do not know how to resolve this.

[BlueIris]

20. A few (more) thoughts from moi...

1) Re: damage to your professional reputation because of the book's content. I was trying to get that through to you earlier. I'm not "getting" anything about whether or not this will occur, but in my experience, virtually anything "spiritual," perhaps especially if it is New Agey, has the potential to negatively impact public image. Be very careful about the publication process if you already known that your "real" career as a writer could get hurt if this book comes out and gets linked to you.

Um, er...about that. I'm sure you know that very few people who publish under a pen name manage to keep it separate from their actual names forever. In the digital age, where privacy is a joke, it's hard to keep it separate at all. If you do wind up publishing a finished manuscript, be vigilant in keeping the publisher on his/her toes regarding the name on the cover/in the contracts. I've met more than one person who had her actual name wind up on the cover of a mass market paperback instead of her pen name, despite contracts that said it wouldn't. Just something to think about.

2) Re: legal issues. As you probably know, writing memoirs, even novels, is tricky stuff if anything even remotely linked to "real people" is involved. There have been more than a few lawsuits filed by people against fiction writers because the plaintiffs saw a little too much of themselves in the writers' books--and the novelists usually lost. Since you've admitted that a real person was the source of great pain you experienced and your book is about that--please be careful to conceal that person's identity! You could easily wind up in court if you don't.

(I'd make sure to talk to at least one lawyer about the finished product before even beginning the publication search, by the way. And I think it should be a lawyer, not a psychic...or a psychic claiming to be a lawyer.)

3) Re: taking advice from psychics about anything, including topics as private and important as your writing projects, career issues and marital relationship, is not a good idea, IMO. A psychic has no liability and will not face accountability for the things s/he advises you to do. I'm instantly wary of any psychic giving out advice, particularly that which could have an impact on someone's health or legal status, based solely on the psychic's impressions or personal opinion.

Not everyone who is psychic walks the spiritual path. One of the ways I got badly burned around here was by taking some of the comments our local "readers" were handing out far too seriously, and without factoring in my own judgment let alone the insight of any professional. Common experience for "newbie" spiritualists but one I really paid for emotionally. Just something to think about.

4) I almost want to tell you to finish the book and then put it in a drawer for a while. I went through a clearing out process around the time of the kundalini experience and thought, for a while, that absolute forgiveness of others for wronging me was the way to go. Let's just say my thinking about that...changed. A lot. A lot of the perspectives I had on spiritual awareness right around the time of The Change...also changed, faded away almost, and have no relevance for me now. In other words...how you feel about Person X and his/her role in your life right now may not be how you feel in a few years, as your own spiritual thinking evolves.

Basically what I'm saying is I think you should consider deprioritizing publication for now, at least until you've got a finished manuscript which has been legally vetted. Even if it's important for your spiritual growth in some way, putting it out there ASAP may not be worth the emotional and financial pain you could face if something about its impact comes back to haunt you.

[FDRLincoln]

21. thank you

This is good, solid advice. Thank you. :)

[eilen]

23. I think that is very good advice.

I am sorry you were hurt Blue. I hope I did not participate in that particular instance. I have many questions however about this Kundalini experience of which I will start a new thread so I don't hijack the OP.

[BlueIris]

26. Oh, nobody on this website was involved in deceiving/scamming me.

That happened in the city I live in. And it wasn't so much scamming as it was manipulative lying, misrepresentation of oneself and jerkitude. Masquerading as "a unique form of spiritual enlightenment."

:puke:

[BanzaiBonnie]

22. Would you be willing to give her the reassurance she needs

and give her empathy for this? Just acknowledge her feelings without trying to "make it better" or change her mind. Guess what it is that she needs? Does she need peace? Harmony? Order? To be seen for who she is? Ask her and if you did not guess correctly, she'll tell you. Don't go to what you are needing until she has been heard. Once her needs are heard/met, then she'll be better able to accept what you have to do.

[FDRLincoln]

24. told her

I told her that she has every right to her feelings, that I understand she is angry and why she is angry, that I won't try to change her mind or cajole or guilt her into changing her feelings, and that I don't want her to lie or or expect her to lie about her feelings.

[Fire Walk With Me]

25. You must be truthful. You are writing this so that others can follow

and the truth is important.

[WhiteTara]

27. Before enlightenment; chopping wood and carrying

water. After enlightenment, chopping wood and carrying water.
zen saying.

[southerncrone]

28. If you & your wife have the very close relationship you state, then

why not sit down w/her & discuss this situation openly. Explain your position/need to complete this project. Perhaps this is part of both of your growth process & karma. If she loves you, she should not let HER hang up stand in your way of doing this project which is very important to you. If you have forgiven this person, then she should try to do the same. Once again....karma. Could you be making more of your wife's reaction than could actually be the case? i.e. making a mountain out of a mole hill? I've found that when I stress over another's reaction, that in the end it is not nearly as severe as I IMAGINED it would be.

Just GO FOR IT! What will be, will be.

Remember the saying....."all things do pass".

Follow your heart & soul! :hi:

[GliderGuider]

29. I always try to walk into the fear.

Whenever I've held myself back in order to protect someone else's feelings, it has turned out to be exactly the wrong thing to do. Although I cut myself compassionate slack when the natural urge to shield someone else from pain arises in me, I've come to see that reaction as self-limiting and also disrespectful of the other person's right to autonomy.

I've always learned the most from choosing to walk the road that was the hardest. This situation with your wife may be such an opportunity. It's going to take some courage, but it seems to me you need to reach for the ring.