Am I surrounded by self-centered people? Or am I the problem?

[Sanity Claws]

I've been troubled lately by what I think is narcissistic behavior of people. I'm thinking of three people in my life in the recent past few months who seem to talk about themselves all the time; they never even give me a chance to say anything about what's going on in my world.

It really struck me today when I ran into one of those people in the street. She didn't say anything like how nice to run into you here or what are you doing over in this neighborhood. Instead she immediately launches into the fact that she has an eye infection, she just came from the doctor, blah, blah, blah.

Is this the new normal? I thought minimal politeness required asking how the other person was or at least acknowledging that the other person is not just your audience.

Am I the problem? Do I expect too much of people?

Maybe I'm just going through a soul lesson and haven't quite figured out the lesson yet.

I'd really like to start a conversation on what friendship is these days, on what is acceptable behavior, is politeness dead.

Thanks for any insight you can provide!

[stellanoir]

1. You're observing a phenomenon that is not unrelated

to Saturn's transit through Libra.

It's basically about cultivating greater balance in each and every aspect of our lives.

So no biggie. /sarcasm

We're just passed the half way mark and almost "phew."

Though well passed the opposition to Uranus which is still in its opposing sign and is shaking things up in terms of the "look at me, look at me, look at me !!!" not so subtle approach to relating.

Oh joy.

People are so thoroughly crunched that they just truly don't know how to behave in many ways.

Basic human kindness and consideration seem to be beyond the capabilities of many when they are struggling at a fundamental level of acute discomfort and their very survival.

Really what this polarity demands of all of us to tweek our friendships in such a way to be met as equals imbued with ever increasing reciprocity. Any dynamic that is imbalanced is becoming more palpably and more painfully obvious.

Sometimes the best approach is to understand that some will just need to vent so ya got to let them and expect absolutely nothing.

Give them some comfort and empathy whenever you can.

That allows one to be amazingly enough, astonishingly surprised every now and again.

The only soul lesson I can perceive in this dilemma harkens back to something one of my two spiritual teachers said to me well over two decades ago.

He said, "Your biggest problem is that you think all people are human beings and they just are *not*."

I was livid that he said that at the time.

Now with many years having passed, I can just start to fathom to a greater degree what he meant.

Look, if ya haven't noticed, we live in a culture that rewards self absorption, competition, and unabashed greed so (not to minimize what you are feeling in any way).

It can be brutal on more sentient sorts.

It's having its predictable fallout. Quite a yawn fest in perpetuity.

So. . .besides all of that malarkey, how are you. . .?

[Sanity Claws]

6. Thank you for the astrological explanation

BTW, when did this transit start and when does it end?
I also understand that Venus just entered Libra. Will that help take some of the edge off?

As for me, thank you for asking! Haha. Someone finally asked me how I am. I am doing just fine. I'm learning boundaries.

[stellanoir]

11. Boundaries are all it's about.

Saturn is in Libra roughly from May of 2008 until October 2012.

[WhiteTara]

14. So what comes after? Scorpio? Yikes!

Say it isn't so. We descend into fixed water...Oh, I am scared.

[dynasaw]

16. I've Noticed This For Several Years

People who talk endlessly about themselves.

People who have ways of always turning the conversation around to themselves.

People who demand attention wherever they go. It's their right to be served immediately at restaurants. They throw temper tantrums
on planes if some one gets in their way.

People who year in year out never bother to ask how you are or find out anything about you. I finally had it with
a "friend" I'd known for seven years whose life history, every move in life, and future plans were about . . guess who?
while I knew a ton about him I doubt whether he knew anything about me in all the years we'd been "friends".

For a lot of people these days you're just a prop. You're invisible. i.e. You've been de humanized.

Compassion? Empathy? Humanity? We've been hit by an insidious disease but I doubt anyone is going to see it that way.

[Kind of Blue]

2. I don't think it's you Sanity Claws.

I think some people are just high on themselves. I read a quote the other day that says: It's not how high you are, but "Hi, how are you." Hope that makes sense :hug: :hug: :hug:

[Sanity Claws]

7. Yes, that makes sense

Thanks!

[get the red out]

3. Reality vs FB status

Maybe people are starting to speak in Facebook status-esque? Or maybe Twitter-ease? Shoot out blurps about themselves forgetting the other person isn't out there in limbo not yet logged on, but standing right in front of them.

[OneGrassRoot]

4. I think IHAD mentioned experiencing this a while back....

and there was a thread in GD about this several days ago. The OP is about people shouting, but the back-and-forth evolves into people simply not listening and a "me, me, me" mentality being displayed.

http://upload.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=439x1906838

There are probably many factors involved, but it's an interesting phenomenon being mentioned more frequently.

:hug:

[Sanity Claws]

9. I'll read the link

Thanks, OGR.

[Sanity Claws]

8. that might explain some people's behavior

The woman I met in the street though is in her 60s and does not tweet and really doesn't know how to do FB.
She's just very into herself.

[Tumbulu]

15. I was thinking the same thing

I think that people are being socialized into thinking that they are supposed to be giving status reports.

[Celebration]

5. It isn't you

IHAD and all of us have experienced the same thing. I don't have any answers, except try to avoid people like this (it isn't everyone, just a "too large" percentage of people. Doesn't it make you just :crazy:?

[Sanity Claws]

10. Good to know I'm not alone in this

I agree -- the solution is to avoid them. They won't notice I'm missing anyway. Haha.

I don't think this behavior drives me nuts. It makes me feel lonely. It makes me wonder who is a real friend and who considers me just an audience to adore and admire them.

Thanks for your input. I needed to get this out of my system.

[smirkymonkey]

17. I thought it was just New York - I have gotten to the point where

I have almost become a complete loner because I am so tired of having the energy sucked out of me. If I didn't have to work so much and I made more money, I would get a couple of dogs. That way I know the love would be unconditional and mutual. At least none of us would feel so lonely anymore.

[Ricochet21]

13. I've had it too

I just got over at 2-hour meeting with a "friend". Between minutes 1:59 and 2:00, she asked, how are you?
I've had it being drained. I can still feel the energy suck, I'm not doing it again.

I not a fire hydrant.

[2Design]

12. ADD - unpacking then listening

once was told immediate start talking is unpacking, once unpacked, listener is ready, good stuff is not mentioned until unpacked - also can mention to them, you would like 5 minutes up front and then you will be more open to listening - they don't realize they are doing it - they have to work at not talking and listening to start with - it can be done with awareness and kindness

[Sanity Claws]

18. Someone in the Lounge has noticed this phenomenon too

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x9787882

This way of behaving seems to be rampant.

[Howler]

19. Excuse me Sanity Claws!

But i'm very busy right now doing very important things!!!!! LMAO!!!!!;)

BTW Those two circumstances are not mutually exclusive! HHHHHHHOOOOOOWWWWWLLLLLLLLLL!:hi: :rofl:

[PhillyGurl]

20. Emotional vampires

I've recently ended a couple of "friendships" with people that sucked the life out of me. Felt good to release them to go drain someone else. Lol.