My 'human-suit'

[FirstLight]

Having a very hard time in my body these days, and I know that i need to be gentle with myself and take small steps to make improvements, etc... but I am in a lot of pain due to arthritis and being overweight is compounding the issue...and i know i haven't been sleeping well the past couple days, so that is probably making me feel worse and more emotional about the whole thing.

I just feel so ... ill equipped. Like sometimes i just can;t do one more thing. having to do it all as a single mom is wearing me thin stress-wise...the effort to do it ALL is just overwhelming me right now and gravity is dragging on my human suit, you know?

There's a big reception coming up for the Art group i work for, nice and semi formal, catered event... and i want to bring someone, you know?
But I also feel like I have just let myself 'go to seed' over the past year or more and what have i got to offer? I am gonna look gross no matter what I wear and even if I try, I can't lose 30 lbs in two weeks...

ugh, i need to get outside and go for a walk, but even that makes me hurt, it sucks to feel immobile, used-up, and old when you are chronologically only 40.

[I Have A Dream]

1. Sweetie, you are beautiful.

Also, we're so much more than our "human suits". You have an amazing spirit, you're witty, wonderfully intelligent, fun-loving, evolved and have a beautiful heart. Oh, and let me say it again, you're beautiful!

Of course you're tired; I'm tired just thinking what you have to do. You're doing two people's work with your children, and unlike most single parents, you don't get a break by having the other parent take the children periodically, and you don't have family close enough to take the children on a regular basis to give you a break. You need to stop being so hard on yourself for feeling overwhelmed.

Even if you can't go for a walk, can you at least go outside and look at the sky, touch a tree, feel the breeze, and connect with our mother? She'll tell you that you're beautiful as well.

:loveya:

[SheilaT]

2. I want to encourage you to keep on moving,

even if just a little. Staying immobile is the worst thing you can do for yourself, especially if you have arthritis. Yes, it hurts to move, but it will hurt even more if you stop moving. Even just a little, each day, will help. :hug:

[get the red out]

3. Immobilized

Being immobilized often makes me see things in a much worse light than they really are. I've often just had to fight my way out of that.

[FirstLight]

4. thanks guys

I got a call from Lucie right before i laid down, she sent me angels from the Tribal Land, there is a ceremony I am going to tomorrow over there. Big deal...so she reminded me that I am releasing before going to such a high vibrational place... very common. Also she said to just bless and release the stuff one ounce at a time, and recognize my body is helping me stay GROUNDED on the planet right now. so that's comforting.

my head still hurts, blah

but i turned up some music and cleaned the kitchen and blessed the healthy food i just bought to try and help shift some of my habits...
and i got another huge lead on the news story i have been following
and i have a movie to watch tonight that will make me laugh (hot tub time machine)

little steps, i guess

[Kind of Blue]

5. FL, I think IHAD has it right.

I hope you get a chance to listen to this very interesting study on willpower called "Resistance Training For Your 'Willpower' Muscles" at http://www.npr.org/player/v2/mediaPlayer.html?action=1&t=1&islist=false&id=140516974&m=140573219

Basically, the studies suggests that willpower is mental energy that we only have a certain amount of throughout the day and gets depleted because just about everything we do takes mental effort, and we should be careful how it's used.

The author says, "Exhausting your mental energy is a process that researchers call 'ego depletion.' Decision-making taps into the same energy reserves as self-control."

It just makes sense that the more we constantly have to do, we do get worn down mentally and he says, "Basically, it's that everything feels more intensely to you. Good things and bad things. You suddenly feel everything a little bit more intensely because your brain has lost some ability to regulate emotions, and so you therefore respond more strongly to everything."

Not only is what you're feeling very real and is studied, there are techniques that we know that can build up our reserves. I just hope that this helps to make you feel better when ego depletion strikes again. I know I'm taking this and running with it and not be too hard on myself :) :hug: :hug: :hug:

http://www.npr.org/2011/09/18/140516974/resistance-training-for-your-willpower-muscles

[FirstLight]

6. oh yea, i know that one

I was supposed to go to the Tribal Land today, been planning for over a month. spent the morning wrapping my drum beater and braiding my hair... and half an hour before i got my jeans on, my babysitter calls with a fever.

The two other backups I call never called me back... my kids pissed off my mom the last tiume they were over there, so she's out of the question. so here we are. another day of nothingness at home.
i finally took away their electronics and made them find something else to do so i could have some self time. They are outside for the moment, but Devin is mirroring my sadness and that makes it difficult... and i hate to resent them , but i have NO time that I get to do anything, except work. If I go to work it is a legitimate break, and the house work is supposed to get done in between it all too...'

My soul is feeling dehydrated, you know? I wish i had the ability to go to a class or a group or to see the Llamas when they come and speak...

meanwhile i am left to my own devices, is it any wonder that i sink into the rebel at night by myself, wine and cigarettes and late night tv?