Control Issues

[FirstLight]

So, where do i start?
I have been the mistress of my own life for as long as i can remember. and raised my kids and struggled to work and go to school and manage a house along the way...

that's my life. Most of the time I bitch because my house is NOT like my own mother's (who was freaking Donna Reed by the way, and a stay at home mom who cleaned because that was what SHE could control...so no, there's no issues there :eyeroll:)
I feel like I am always running from hither & yon and never quite being on top of things, but i do manage to do quite a lot in the meantime.. you guys know, you hear me all the time talking about all I *do*...

so here I am, about to get an ENFORCED 2 week vacation. Unfortunately I will have to have some surgery to score such a thing, but this is really, quite a treat. I will not have to take care of kids or house for a good week or more... ahhhh...

so why am I freaking out today? Why do i feel like I have to have the house PERFECT before going in to the hospital, why do I feel like it's going to be a problem to let others come and take care of me?
why can;t I let go?

is it trust? or just because I am a capricorn and don;t like to NOT be holding the reins, ALL the time....!?!

any ideas or comments? astrological or spiritual 'dings'...?

[teenagebambam]

1. Similar problem

I love the idea of free time, but when actually faced with it I almost feel guilty if I'm not doing something "constructive". I have to sometimes just force myself to sit down and read or watch tv. Leo, but with lots of Capricorn influence in my chart, you may be on to something!

[MorningGlow]

2. Never discount the conditioning you got at your mother's knee

It's powerful stuff. I know--I'm subjected to it too. My mom has always been totally type A, so even though I'm more relaxed than she is, I get twitchy when the house is a mess or I spot some dust (ahem an inch LOL) or I haven't mowed the lawn.

Does your mom nag you about cleaning/taking care of the house? Right now my mom is all over my ass because I haven't raked the yard yet. She goes out EVERY DAY to rake the evil handful of leaves that fell overnight (and she's almost 87!) but I say I'm not going out there till the trees make it worth my while. From what I can see, they've got a ways to go. Oh--and she's bitchin' at me because I haven't spread the fall fertilizer yet.

And I hear you about feeling like you have to clean before you go to the hospital--Mr. MG has always mocked me for cleaning the house and making the beds before we go on vacation. Conditioning, man, it's a bitch.

But try not to do too much--you don't want to get stressed about other stuff before your surgery. Stay zen!

[FirstLight]

3. gawd, we are twins...lol

my mother says she understands, but every now and then i catch her cleaning my kitchen when i am not looking...or i fear she is bringing the 'white glove' with her when she visits...

ya, i am going to try and let go of some of the stress. More than anything i have to finish this beeeoootch of a news story that I wanted done three days ago! then i think i can just focus on the fun stuff...like not eating too much on sunday and doing a bowel prep, funfunfun

[get the red out]

4. Nothing to say to help

but best wishes on the surgery!

My husband is the neat freak and I wouldn't notice if half the furniture was missing as long as I could find the dog, food, and my knitting. My Mom was a stay at home Mom who cleaned constantly to the point that you had to keep your hand on your drink glass or it would be thrown out, total auto-pilot. For years I literally couldn't hardly even figure out where to start on cleaning because she always inferred that my sister and I just were no good at it, I would clean but feel awkward like I knew I was doing it wrong. So I identify with being totally different from Mom; who she was scared me to death to be honest, and I scared her.

I had some minor surgery a year and a half ago and looked forward to simply holing up in the house away from the world. I'm a cancer though, LOL, I fantasize about rainy days where you don't dare do anything but sip cocoa, make soup, and do some needlework or read.

[FirstLight]

5. here I go, breathe away the knot in my stomach

kids have officially trashed the house fully, along with me and life and deadline the past 48 hours, we are in defcon 4.
I am washing stuff as i need it because i can;t empty the dishwasher and put the other stuff in...

story
2/3 done, due like, NOW
additional sidebar
zilch so far
art
one graphic done, still dont know if any pics came out good...


on the second cup of coffee, have put the kids to work in bedrooms together, helping eachother.
making sweetrolls in the oven and we have fruit and such
not going to touch the house till journalistic awesomeness has been birthed ;)

then I'll just wiggle my nose about the rest, right?

[Why Syzygy]

6. One thing at a time, sista

Sounds like you've set your priorities. As for the rest, only do that which you do not want someone else doing it THEIR way.
After my C-section delivery, I was such a control freak that I got upset at the way helping relatives were folding towels!
I am nowhere near that obsessive any longer.

ps: My dad did more house cleaning than my mother.

[Avalux]

7. Don't take this the wrong way, but your post amuses me.

It's because I'm exactly like you (but I'm a Gemini, go figure). I'm going to tell you what I tell myself when I'm feeling as you are....

It's OK to let go and not be in control of everything. It's soooo scary, I know, but things won't fall apart without you orchestrating. And don't every doubt yourself for not doing enough or in quite the right way; you do a lot and should be proud of that.

P.S. It doesn't matter if the house is dirty, those who love you are concerned about YOU, not the house.

It's terrifying to let go but please focus on yourself and your recovery during this time. That's the best thing you can do for your family.

I will keep you in my thoughts.

:hug:

[FirstLight]

8. :) thanks

I amuse myself when i look back after a freak out and realize i am really going to be *just fine*

thanks for the loving thoughts, from you and all my ASAH family here :loveya: