Why does everything I do spiritually backfire on me personally?

[FreedomAngel82]

In the past I did start off with doubting whether or not something would work and after seeing things happen more and more I started changing that. I also go in having a positive outlook on things. Last night I had this feeling something negative was coming my way and had bad energy around me. I had this very strange dream where in it I was an Arabic man in what felt like Iraq. I was with about five/six other prisoners and going to be tortured and had chains around my wrist and we were all tied together. There was another Arabic man who had this sharp knife like object making it sharper like they do. Than, the weirdest thing, was the man doing the sharpening looked at me and said it wasn't my time because they knew I wasn't the real person in the body and that everything was out of sync. Than this morning I had a little headache and than I came home for a bit after my second class and I forgot I left something I needed in my backpack (I usually don't put it there) and my brother and I got into a fight and he hurt my fingers and in the past after I did energy to myself (positive) and I had a cd player stolen and a cd. :( So I don't do much for myself and this is why I'm afraid to do something positive for myself. I don't know if I have bad karma or what. :\ Whenever I help anyone else it always works really fast and well so I know I have the abilities. Thanks for reading. :blush:

[I Have A Dream]

1. Do you honestly feel that you love yourself and feel that...

you are worthy of good things, FA82? If not, I think that there's a very good chance that you yourself could be causing these things to happen. You're a very gifted person spiritually, and I think that it's very possible that you are subconsciously manifesting these things to keep yourself in what you consider to be your "place".

(On edit: Synchronistically, I just got a fortune cookie that says "Love goes nowhere uninvited." I don't know what it means in reference to you, but it was too good to not post given what I posted above.)

[FreedomAngel82]

2. I don't know

Perhaps. I just had that feeling and than all this stuff happens today. I've been manifesting lately and sending myself positive energy. I do want good things but I go up and down on feeling worthy. :blush: On edit: that's a good fortune. I usually get lame one's that don't mean anything.

[I Have A Dream]

3. I wonder if the fortune was meant for you rather than me.

You need to work on the 'not worthy' part. I don't know how to do it, but this is holding you back. Maybe some other people will have some ideas. Once you break through this, I think that you'll have overcome a really big hurdle in your life.

[FreedomAngel82]

4. Think so?

I do know this has to do with some past lives I've had and my current life too. It's definitley something I'm working on.

[oxbow]

5. hmm...sounds like you could use some help working through this

Perhaps you could get a reiki appt. with someone you trust? Know that whatever is holding you back is not a real part of you, just a sort of energetic congestion, something you don't need anymore that you are still holding on to for one reason or another.

I say get some energy work done on you, because it sounds like you're just going around in circles dealing with it alone. Another person could bring a fresh perspective and the energetic support you need to clear this thing up.

Good luck Angel! You know we're all rooting for you here!
:hug:

[FreedomAngel82]

6. Thanks

:hug: :blush: I have been working on everything with that for the last couple years. I don't know anyone who does reiki besides myself and I don't have the money to spend. Sorry.

[oxbow]

7. You could do a Reiki exchange

Do you have a healthfood store, or somewhere selling New Age paraphernilia, in your area? I know that alot of healers put their business card or flyers up on the bulletin board in these places. Call one up and throw the idea by them. Most likely they're a good person who will understand your situation. Otherwise, they wouldn't be in this line of work, you know?

[FreedomAngel82]

8. Right

I don't think we have any around. :shrug:

[Bluestar]

9. A Book I've Found Helpful

Hi Freedom Angel:

There's a book I've recently discovered (although the book was printed in the 1980's). It's by Louise Hay called "Heal Your Body". It's just a little paperback that costs about $5.00. It's hard to find in bookstores but is available at either Barnes and Noble.com or Amazon.

I've used it for her affirmations. She takes all types of physical ailments and in one column lists the human "barriers" that cause the problem. Then in the other column she lists the affirmation to heal it. I have been doing emotional release work for myself and others for about 12 years but I have to say that Louise's affirmations were so strong that the energy made me dizzy and then I felt wonderful. All of the affirmations center around loving oneself, although she has a lot of different ways to say it.

I know from your posts you are terrific at sensing energy. I would read through the list of affirmations and find the ones that resonate with your energy. Then keep sensing the energy of that affirmation until it is integrated in your body. You'll know when that is when you get that serene, peaceful feeling when you say it.

I'm sending you love and light,

Bluestar

[FreedomAngel82]

10. Thanks

Can you give me some examples from the book? I've never gotten into reading books except one once. I get everything off the internet or just seem to know. Thanks.

[TankLV]

11. Don't try so hard.

Relax.

Don't force it.

"Surrender" to your self.