A question about tarot ethics

[Mandate My Ass]

Recently I began reading tarot cards for (very little) money at a local pub. I enjoy it very much and I think I'm getting better and nobody has had a complaint so far. In fact, one woman said my reading was amazing. I studied for six months with a woman who has made her living doing cards and astrological charts professionally for about 20 years and is the author of several books. I also use Mary Greer's Tarot for Yourself to continue to study and learn. My teacher was very emphatic that tarot readers take their responsibility seriously and that the reader/readee relationship be held to same ethical standard as any professional relationship which requires confidentiality.

I always begin a reading with the prelude that I can't give medical or marital advice and that the cards show influences of the querent's current environment and issues they may be facing but I believe that the future is what we make of it and the cards can be used as tools for changing bad habits or thought patterns. But they don't really predict the future, only the likely outcome if things remain the same.

Anyway, I have had a few instances when I felt twinges of guilty discomfort and I thought this would be the ideal place to ask for guidance since my teacher is on sabbatical for health reasons. This forum is the most supportive on the whole site and I lurk here every day sometimes just to learn or get out of the fray of GD.

The first incident came recently when I did a second reading for a client who wanted a reading about her daughter. She was very up front in the first reading that her daughter had been in a bad relationship and became an addict but had broken it off and was in recovery and doing very well. She even went back to school. The cards were fairly good and I told her that everything looked fine and that other than some lingering doubt on her daughter's part about her own strength.

She came back last week for the second reading and only said "I want another reading about my daughter." It still bugs me that I didn't elicit any more info but started laying out the cards, because right off the bat I saw the Moon, the Devil and a couple other cards that indicated she re-contacted the ex and was using again. I work very hard maintaining a poker face during the time it takes until I get a clear impression of the theme of the cards. But she jumped right in and said "I know my daughter is using so just come out with it" or something to that effect. I said the cards did indicate she likely was using again. I also indicated that the ex (Prince of Cups) might be back in the picture. Should I have said that? I also said that could be a manifestation of her daughter's own personality since that card can be indicative of the substance abuser him/herself.

A second client was someone who was very jovial and was described to me beforehand as a real cut-up. His cards were appalling. I had never seen all four of the nines in one reading before but the impression was someone who was depressed and felt tremendously isolated for all his joviality. It turns out his wife had just left him but he kept up the facade of the crowd pleaser without a care in the world. I said he might want to talk to someone "if he should start to feel depressed over the separation." Later, after finding out the separation was common knowledge, I mentioned to someone who I've known for a very long time that his friend could be hiding his pain under a veneer of good humor. He asked me if I "saw" that in the cards and I said no, I was just making a general observation about human nature. I felt like I betrayed the querent nevertheless.

I guess my general question is how much should you reveal if the reading is about someone else in the querent's life? If someone's cards are a train wreck, what is the proper thing to do/say that maintains the ethics of the relationship with the querent? Is it ever proper to alert someone else to trouble if you're feeling very concerned about the querent?

I'm sorry for the length of the post but I thought all this info was relevant to my question. Thanks for your input! O8)

[BlueIris]

1. As a frequent querent myself, getting a reader's side is interesting.

As I'm not a reader myself, I can't answer your questions with any sort of authority. But FWIW, my own reader, who is a teacher like yours, has always said that she would never discuss the content of our readings with others. She's also said on a number of occasions that her cards won't "gossip" (ie; won't give her info about others in my life) and that she's never been able to get them to do anything like that for anyone. To paraphrase her, "If you want to know whether or not your sister will actually marry the man she just got engaged to, I can only tell you whether it's possible that you'll be invited to a wedding soon." Out of curiosity--have your cards always done that? Shown info about other figures in your subjects' lives?

As to whether or not it's ever appropriate to share info you learn about your subject with people other than your subject, as a non-reader, I'm going to go ahead and say no. (I also think maybe you should tell people rude enough to ask you for "inside info" about those you've done readings for to get bent stop trying to get you to violate your obligation to protect your querents' privacy; that kind of thing could give you a bad reputation, you know?) I really can't tell you if it's appropriate to be telling your querents what may be going on in the lives of others around them, but I'm wondering--how do you know that the info you're getting about these others is accurate, as opposed to being info that is colored mainly by the querents' perspectives on what might be going on with those others? Just a couple things to consider on that score.

Finally, I LOVE Mary Greer. Have you read "Tarot Reversals"? It's excellent.

[Mandate My Ass]

5. Thanks, BlueIris

TO answer your question, I have been able to pick up other people in the querent's lives. The woman who said I was "amazing" just had very powerful cards. The first one I did for her I said I saw her coming into some money but not earned money. In the #4 position of the celtic cross was the Empress reversed and the #8 position was the King of Swords. Luckily, she informed me that her mother had died recently and she was the executor. I sensed from the cards that there was family tension and she said a brother was giving her a hard time, which I saw the K/Swords being very harsh and judgemental.

She also came to me for a job reading and I saw a man who was undermining her at work (she said her male supervisor had been taking credit for her work) and in the #8 position was the Q of Cups. I asked her if there was a woman at work she could trust and she said that was her supervisor's boss, who had been very encouraging and supportive of her. Even when I read for my son, I can tell what is going on around him especially at work and who he should look out for.

I have a friend who reads court cards strictly as other people in the querent's life. I don't subscribe to that interpretation unless someone asks me about something to that effect or I sense it's not a facet of the querent's personality, or by position in the spread.

I wasn't sure the first time I could read for a querent's family member but I said I'd give it a try and I dealt the cards and the High Priestess was crossed by the two of swords. I asked her if her daughter was an air sign. She said yes, she's a Gemini (although I was thinking Libra). The four of Wands was also in that spread so I gathered the daughter had moved back in with her and she said yes. So it was more or less the impressions I got from the querent about her life that were indicative of changes in her household from which I intuited that the daughter was back under her roof.

Luckily, most of my querents are young people just getting out of college or looking for Mr. Right so there are few nasty surprises in the cards or ethical sticking points. My friend who reads said after only just under two years of study I probably shouldn't be doing this yet, but I don't agree. I think I need to adjust to the crossover from being the querent to the reader, from student to practitioner for want of a better word. I always bring my books with me and nobody has objected if I stopped in the middle of a reading and looked something up.


Mary Greer is the best. Yes, I do have Tarot Reversals and there is a new paperback called: 21 Ways to Read a Tarot Card, which I know I'm going to buy from Amazon soon. Rachel Pollack's book "Seventy Eight Degrees of Wisdom" also looks like an excellent resource and gets rave reviews.

Having a querent's POV is quite helpful. Thank you again. Much obliged. :hi:

[stellanoir]

2. Look

I'm not sure privacy issues are terribly relevant here due to the fact that no specific identities were mentioned.

I interpret your questions as most sincere and quite normal for the type of trepidations a new reader often encounters when they start off.

As for the daughter, a card reading is of the moment. You were trying to encourage her highest potential and it's always tricky when it's third party, especially involving someone's precious child. She had an opportunity to advance. She didn't take it as evidenced by the Moon and Devil cards. She's simply still processing her fears. Her circumstances changed markedly due to her choices. You were only trying to encourage the higher road.

You didn't betray the Jovial dude either. All those 9's suggest a major closure and ending of many cycles. He just was most likely still processing and not ready to look at it and you picked up on it, thus your hesitancy. He wouldn't have listened or absorbed it quite yet. That was wise of you.

My best one liner for you is "Its all in the delivery." I get away with all sorts of stuff with a big smile on my face. : )

Feel free to PM me anytime if you need further assistance. I've been doing this stuff for eons as well.

[Mandate My Ass]

7. Trepidations - YES!

That's the word that sums it all up. And you're so right, delivery is crucial. I don't feel like it's acting but I do hedge and sometimes dance delicately around something that I would hesitate to say to a stranger, especially one that's paying me.

One particularly lovely young woman wanted a "new romance" spread. Her cards showed that she is self-effacing to the point of subjugation in a relationship. The most recent ex bf looked like a total user and loser. I told her she was "very giving, perhaps too much so at times" and she kind of rolled her eyes and smiled in agreement. I said I didn't see Mr. Right (or even Mr. Right Now) for her in the cards but I did see friendships, which I told her she should suck up the love from her friends and love herself and the relationship will come when she's readier for it.


If she was my friend I'd be a great deal more frank, and I do have to squelch the urge to mother them sometimes, but I think I'm coming along.

It's a relief to hear that you think I didn't cross the line. That was very worrisome to me. I try not to "take my work home with me" but I'm not always successful.

Thank you so much. It's quite a relief and I may take you up on your kind offer to PM sometime. This is still pretty new and mostly great but with a few surprise bumps in the road. :D

[Cleita]

3. This is a reason I won't do personal readings because

it's hard when the bad cards show up. I can't tell anyone what is ethical for them, but in my case I find I can't keep a poker face so I limit my readings to trends, government and such things like that. It's what works for me. I think you will find your comfort level when you experience more of these incidents and you will know when you draw the line.

[stellanoir]

4. Though I don't see any of the cards as inherently negative.

They may just be opportunities for transformation. However I've known several who preferred to do collective readings exclusively . I think it's just a matter of personal wiring. All enlightened info helps on whatever level it can possibly manifest.

The more the merrier.

[Mandate My Ass]

8. I love when the cards are bright and hopeful

but I'm trying to overcome that feeling of dread of the bad cards by remembering my first reading as a querent. It was during a time of crisis and the cards did help, almost like a dam bursting, hence my interest in studying them. I only hope I can someday do a similar favor for someone but I still cringe inwardly at times when I see trouble.

Thanks, Cleita. :)

[Matariki]

6. my .02

I read professionally too and often feel like i should have a psychology degree to even be allowed to read - a reading can get into complex and deeply personal issues.

i think we all have to define our own set of ethics for ourselves. sometimes i think western occultism is so overly influenced by christianity that our ethics paralyze us completely. personally, i've decided to trust the cards. if someone comes to me for a reading, i read what is there and don't hold back. that's what i'm there to do. i do a sort of prayer/invocation before each reading and trust that if the person isn't supposed to know something, it won't show up in the cards and it's not my job to censor what's there. although i do try to be tactful. in your case, it may have been very important for that woman to know her daughter relapsed - she might be in a good position to help, or she might really need to protect her own emotions.

on the other hand, i would never discuss the content of a reading with an outside party.

[Mandate My Ass]

9. It's still amazing to me how much shows up sometimes

I hope I come to the point where I feel confident enough to be more blunt and plain-spoken since that's my own personal style of communicating with someone. Although I'd rather err on the side of caution this early in my dealings with querents. Paralysis is probably the best description of what I feel at times when the ethical questions arise.

It seems to me that maybe I should have (hindsight being 20-20 and all) just said that for something that important and delicate, maybe she should have hashed it out with her daughter and then gotten a reading, or something along those lines.

In the future, I think I'll decline to read for another person other than the querent. There was a strong mother-daughter bond I picked up on so I didn't have to paint a totally gloomy picture but my discomfort level was definitely too high to agree to this sort of thing again.

Framing questions and figuring out the best spread to use for a particular question is difficult enough for now.

Thanks for your input. It was very helpful. :hi: