Friends and family seeming to 'fall away'.....what are your experiences?

[DemExpat]

Now, I don't discuss spiritual matters with every/anybody, and I certainly do not see myself as some highly ascended being :silly:, although I do value my fairly highly developed intuitive senses.

Seeing how I share many views and experiences with all of you here in this Group, I am wondering if you guys are having similar experiences to me with old friends/family?

It saddens me greatly, although I also have some sense of peace about it, that some of my closest friends - sisters especially - are to me sinking deeper and deeper into old destructive patterns.
My oldest sister is a devout Jehovah Witness for the past 10 years or so, and my youngest sister - my soulmate sister - is having problems freeing herself from alcohol - after an excellent career in Emergency nursing for years.....
Many of my friends are dealing with complex ill health issues - few seem to be aging well.

Especially with my younger sister - everytime I hear from her or see her she seems more and more like our Mom - especially in the sense that she is playing out the restrictive patterns that Mom and Dad had in her own marriage. (Letting the husband dominate in a jealous, controlling way)
It just seems to be getting worse and worse, and this surprises and hurts me that she doesn't see this herself. Why on earth would she choose to play this out in HER life after we, as sisters, shook our heads at Mom for "putting up with Dad"?.....

Do you see any processes like this played out in your circles of friends and family?

Funny to me, also, that even though I see this taking place, and it upsets me on some level, on another level I have peace with it and know that they are trying to work through their path as best that they can at this time.
It is sad in that my dream was to have great contact with my family after our kids grew up and we had more time - yet now they are too involved in some negative stuff to be open to fun and loving contact.

Seeing how my Mom suddenly died at 71 when I had just made peace with her and our troubled relationship and wanted to start enjoying more honest contact with her - this seems to be a pattern in my life.

Troubled relationships or barriers to good contact (the Atlantic Ocean, for example, busy careers, raising kids, etc.), and then when I hope or think that they are diminished, other ones are thrown up.

Maybe this is "just" Life!

This is a disappointment to me.
:cry:

Bottom line: do you feel rather lonely in respect to those you grew up with?

Any thoughts?

DemEx

[NJCher]

1. No, I'm not seeing that

I saw a friend who has quite a dysfunctional past successfully handle a very severe crisis. The stakes were high and the number of things hitting her were almost unimaginable. Not quite as bad as shrub but pretty close! I think she came out of it with a renewed sense of self-confidence. That old saying about whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger definitely applies here.

My dad, who I think is a repuke but who claims he is an independent, says he believes in socialized medicine. Amazing!

DemExPat, I'm sorry you didn't have more time to spend with your mom. Seventy-one isn't very old at all.




Cher

[DemExpat]

2. Thanks NJCher,

I hope that what my loved ones are going through will bring them renewed confidence and increased self-knowledge, but looks to me like they are running from it instead or pursuing it.

Time will tell,

:hug:

DemEx

[I Have A Dream]

3. DemEx, I'm not seeing this in my life.

I'm glad that you were able to reconnect with your mother prior to her passing over. That was a real gift. Too bad that you didn't have more time though.

My younger sister seems to be awakening, which makes me very happy. She's an Evangelical Christian, but her mind's suddenly more open than I've seen it be in the past. My older sister, whose life is very "complicated" is trying to sort things out.

I hope that things change for you soon so that you are able to feel the familial connection more strongly.

:hug:

[DemExpat]

4. Good to hear that your siblings seem to be working it out....

yeah, it feels lonesome sometimes, although I do have plenty of fun friends and acquaintances and enough cloe ones, as well as a hubby and 2 young adult children, to keep me connected.

I chose to live far away from my family - which was very positive for me in my younger adult life, gave me ROOM to breathe - but now I wish I felt closer and lived closer. Probably just a part of getting older, too, as loved ones die and we all keep changing.

:hug:

DemEx

[Desertrose]

6. Funny about that being far away.....

I've been away from the place I grew up and where my only sister lives for about 13 years adn its only been recently that I have the occasional desire to be closer....

Just lost a dear friend who celebrates her birthday 4 days after mine...she died suddenly a few weeks ago from a brain aneurysm a few days shy of 57. (Left a hubby, 2 grown daughters & 3 grandkids) It was totally unexpected and brought me back in touch with a lot of my childhood & young adulthood friends who are all back east....also my sister. We have not been close because we are so different for so many years, but when something like this happens it seems to erase all those differences. That is extremely cool. Will the closeness last? good question.....if I don't let it become an issue & we are still 2500 miles apart- it'll probably be OK. LOL


But I do know what you mean about feeling lonesome...maybe we are lonesome for "our own kind" if you know what I mean?;)


I do see a lot of "old stuff/patterns" sort of coming to a head with a lot of people...maybe its another rung on the ladder of ascension.....or just plain ol spiritual growth for that matter...:shrug:

Anyhow...:hug::loveya: DemEx
DR

[DemExpat]

11. Hi, dear DR......very nice to see you pop in here....

So aorry to hear of your sudden loss of a close friend, my Mom died suddenly of a brain aneurysm at age 71, so I know the shock of this. :hug: :cry:

When I am with my siblings I always feel a closeness and love, but it is in the daily life being so separated by physical distance, along with not being able to share lots of thoughts and feelings about some things because they are in totally different "places".....

Just wanted to know how some of you here cope with occasional bouts of lonesomeness!

:hug: :hug: :hug:

:hi:

DemEx

[MissWaverly]

5. Yes, I do

I have 3 siblings, (2 destructive parents/now deceased), my one sister, is a gameplayer and has been in a long term relationship with an alcoholic, my brother is clinically depressed and has a disfunctional family with horrendous issues. I am close to my 1 sister, who is a great friend. The other two I do not have a relationship with. I know many here will be criticize this but they do not realize how destructive these relationships are. I felt like I was being sucked into a dark vacuum along with them. The only way I could survive was to cut them loose.

[demgrrrll]

7. Sometimes that is the only answer. Anyone who has had to make

a similar decision will understand. If it comes down to your life and survivial vs. maintaining a destructive relationship the answer becomes very clear.

[MissWaverly]

8. I try to help others and make the world better

I believe that we are all "family" and I do believe in giving back.

[DemExpat]

9. Absolutely, demgrrrll....

I think that I would have been long dead if I had stayed in the vicinity of my family at that time.
I would never have had the space and peace to work everything out for myself....

:-(

DemEx

[DemExpat]

10. Glad to hear that you are close friends with your sister.

I love all my siblings, but feel very close to one sister and a younger brother.
Since I had to break contact with my family for a long time in my young adult years, I know what you mean about survival and breaking free.

:hug:

DemEx

[Proud_Lefty]

12. I'm feeling this and so are my spiritual friends

I went to my niece's wedding last month and left feeling extremely depressed. My brothers and nieces are all fundamentalist Christians. Even though I used to be a fundamentalist and understand what they're being fed at the churches, as I grow spiritually, I have less and less tolerance for even listening to their garbage. I love them dearly and realize their hearts are well intended, but we have less and less in common. I also saw my sister there who is not a fundamentalist; she's always broke. I tried to offer her peace of mind through the spirituality I've been learning. She wouldn't even listen, she just wanted money.

I love the peace of mind and strength I've been developing spiritually, and wish I could share it with people, but I've learned that I can only talk to those ready to hear. So I spent last weekend with a group of friends and didn't say one word about politics or spirituality. It was actually exhausting to always try to think of things to talk about that don't really interest me that much.

I talked to a few of my friends that are learning spiritually with me and they say they are experiencing the exact same thing.

[DemExpat]

14. Sounds like you are having a tough time with this, PL...

the wedding and having to expend so much energy trying to think of shared experiences to talk about with friends - this can be so disheartening.
Yes, this does sound like similar experiences to my own, but I don't get depressed about this anymore - perhaps I am older, or have generally accepted this state of distancing from old friends and family relations.

Yes, you reach a point where you just know if you can speak freely about spiritual issues and feelings, so this does make it easier....:-)

I find that now I have different groups of friends (not particularly close ones, but enjoyable and meaningful) :
my fellow dog lover friends who we meet up with regularly in the parks and woods walking our dogs - many of these people are surprisingly open to spiritual themes and even political issues;
my art course buddies;
the American women I work with at the Club Library - I gravitate naturally to the Democratic women - easy to sniff out!.....
several old friends from the days of raising our children together.....etc.

I don't feel lonely per se, just lonesome for "family", I guess. Funny though that the older I get the more I see most women I like as true "sisters"!

:hug:

DemEx

[Proud_Lefty]

16. The wedding was really hard

I've been founding myself gravitating towards women and men like myself spiritually and politically, so it really didn't hit me until I went to the wedding and saw that I wasn't that close with my family any longer. It was a hard pill to swallow because I spent an entire lifetime feeling that my strength came from this close knit family. I still feel strength, but now I'm realizing it's coming from within.

When we went to the desert last weekend, I realized my long time friends were also growing different directions. It's sad and depressing while I'm sitting in the midst of it, but as soon as I'm around my new friends, I'm so happy. It's bittersweet, sad to lose the old that meant so much for so long, but great to move on to bigger and better things. My new life now feels so empowered, especially with the wonderful people I've been meeting.

Thanks DemEx for your kind words. Thank God for people like you. :pals:

[DemExpat]

17. You describe this process of letting old bonds go and delighting

in the new just right, PL - bittersweet.

:pals: :hug:

DemEx

[Proud_Lefty]

19. I knew something else was out there

But why so many people don't even look is now a total mystery to me. What a wonderful treasure to bestow!

[Bluestar]

13. Yes, I've seen it for a long time

Hi DemExPat:

Since my "awakening" about 15 years ago, I have experienced exactly what you are talking about. My family (mostly fundamentalist Christian) think that I am a heathen, hell-bound and lost. They don't tell me this, but I can tell by the pitying look on their faces. I have long since stopped talking to friends about spirituality--they haven't been interested. I don't know how long you have been a "seeker" but if it's recent, expect this falling away to continue.

There are a few select people, however, who have recently surprised me. These are business associates. I have been a business executive for about 20 years and speaking of spirituality in the workplace was strictly taboo. That has changed recently with business people now much more interested in their own destiny and purpose for being here. Keep in mind many of these folks have experienced most everything our current society has to offer--high position, money, houses, cars. All of this is very materialistic and has not made them happy or fulfilled. So they are looking to become somehow fulfilled and organized religion just doesn't cut it. So I have had a lot of questions lately from this crowd and even some requests for spiritual coaching (I am a business coach). But my old friends are just sort of fading away.

I think this has to do with the Ascension. Prophets of the Ascension have told us that there will be a great divide--of people who have become enlightened and those who will plunge deeper and deeper into their ego/earth-based ways. I think that the Bush administration has made this divide more evident--those who blindly follow the Republicans will not be open to spirituality and we shouldn't frustrate ourselves by trying to make them see. We are now in a time when people are making their choices--some people will surprise us by turning to the light and others we thought would turn to the light will not.

[DemExpat]

15. Thanks Bluestar for your response.

Since my "awakening" about 15 years ago, I have experienced exactly what you are talking about. My family (mostly fundamentalist Christian) think that I am a heathen, hell-bound and lost. They don't tell me this, but I can tell by the pitying look on their faces. I have long since stopped talking to friends about spirituality--they haven't been interested. I don't know how long you have been a "seeker" but if it's recent, expect this falling away to continue.

My 2 older siblings who are pretty fundy Christian sometimes express their loving concern/worry about my Salvation....:-)....although I did get them to stop evangelizing to me whenever we would have contact.



There are a few select people, however, who have recently surprised me. These are business associates. ................... So I have had a lot of questions lately from this crowd and even some requests for spiritual coaching (I am a business coach). But my old friends are just sort of fading away.

Oh, I too get pleasantly surprised - mostly by strangers I meet on the streets or in the parks - on a regular basis, and this is joyful and thrilling to me. I guess I just mourn the relations that I wanted to have with people who have taken different paths at the moment.

I think this has to do with the Ascension. Prophets of the Ascension have told us that there will be a great divide--of people who have become enlightened and those who will plunge deeper and deeper into their ego/earth-based ways. I think that the Bush administration has made this divide more evident--those who blindly follow the Republicans will not be open to spirituality and we shouldn't frustrate ourselves by trying to make them see. We are now in a time when people are making their choices--some people will surprise us by turning to the light and others we thought would turn to the light will not.

I have learned well not to speak openly of spiritual matters to everybody or anybody. Some deep and fascinating conversations have spontaneously come up in conversations with people - again, mostly with strangers - which I find enthralling.
This is such a delight because in a way it is showing me the increasing web being spun all around us of people truly opening to Love, or the Ascensions process, whatever one wants to call the times we are now in.
You are right about being surprised by people - I guess I am very disappointed with my younger sister who I thought was on my wavelength for years, but now seems to be taking a detour... :-(
I miss her....:-(

Thanks for sharing your experience on this - it feels good to walk through processes like this in discussion with other people.
:hug:

DemEx

[Bluestar]

18. You are so welcome!

I found a few (3-4) wonderful friends from doing a new age seminar about 12 years ago who have become my touchstones! We have channeled together and found out we were brought together by our spirit guides to do the work together. I have mentioned this way of finding other kindred spirits on this forum before.

For anyone who wants to connect with like-minded souls join some type of new age class, even if you must travel there for those who live in remote areas of the country. I have found all of my "seeker" friends in these places. It is so wonderful to have these people in your life and it gives you a support system that is invaluable.

Love and light,
Bluestar

[yellowdawgdem]

20. I share some of your experiences

and am glad that you posted about them. I have had numerous endings with friends lately, and can really relate to what you are describing. Since I've been celibate for a number of years, I put alot of stock into friendships, and it has been hard losing so many. Though most of the endings have come from me. And it has mostly been from a healthy place- me just unwilling to put up with negative patterns, and wanting to not participate in what seemed negative. Still, it has created a void, and I've been struggling with how to reconstruct that void, in a way that has no negativity.
In addition to losing friends, there have been a number of deaths- not in my immediate family, but still close enough to be of concern. Also I feel that these deaths are coming closer and closer to my immediate family, and that maybe even are preparing me for that time.

I didn't (for some reason)choose a family with far-right leanings. My family is more left-leaning, but still extremely problematic in other ways. I feel that we choose our families and friends, and since I've always been kind of religious even within an agnostic family, I thought that maybe I needed, ie chose, them for balance.

I've been lately starting some new groups, such as a spiritual cinema group, that will start next month; and trying to connect with groups that seem light-filled. I really wanted to go to the Mt. Shasta conf. this summer, there are lots of channelers at that from the Kryon group. but turned out it is too expensive, and I decided it might be too overwhelming as well.

I do think that at least part of this 'endings' situation has to do with ascension, and people making choices that are different than ours, not necessarily better or worse. Just that people seem to be going their own direction. And, I think it is good that you have so many groups of friends, with different interests. Maybe there will be some new ones, too, that will share a deeper level of your spiritual values. :-)

[DemExpat]

21. Thanks, yellowdawgdem,

for sharing your experiences with this shared aspect of our lives.

Since I am very busy with my studies at the moment - one more year to go - I don't have the energy or time to look around at group activities, but I will keep this in mind for after I graduate!

Let us know how it goes with your new spiritual cinema group - is this online discussion, or "live"...:-)

:hi:

DemEx

[yellowdawgdem]

22. spiritual cinema

These are films that are put out by Hay House, but Deepak Chopra sponsors this one I will be doing. You pay per month to receive dvd's that you can then watch, and keep. I haven't seen any yet, but they are supposed to be of excellent quality, and on topics that are spiritual in nature. Often people form groups to watch the films, and share the monthly cost. I'm sorta turned off to mainstream movies, although I did like Brokeback Mtn. I'm thinking of spiritual cinema as an alternative to the violent and boring plots at the big theaters. I will post more about it once it starts. Good luck with your studies.:hi: