Emotional vampires

[hippiechick]

Anybody have any experience with them?

What's the best way to rid oneself of them, or to help them realize they're sucking the life out of a person or situation? (I tend to think that perhaps some aren't really aware that they're doing it.)

I read this article on DailyOM last week, and was most interested because it - at least in my mind - seems to be the Emotional Vampire who has a life such as this.

http://www.dailyom.com/articles/2006/4856.html

September 8, 2006
Alive In Joy
Dispelling Drama

"There are scores of people in the world who seem to be magnets for calamity. They live their lives jumping from one difficult situation to the next, surrounded by unstable individuals. Some believe themselves victims of fate and decry a universe they regard as malevolent. Others view their chaotic circumstances as just punishments for some failing within.

Yet, in truth, neither group has been fated or consigned to suffer. They are likely unconsciously drawing drama into their lives, attracting catastrophe through their choices, attitudes, and patterns of thought. Drama, however disastrous, can be exciting and stimulating. But the thrill of pandemonium eventually begins to frustrate the soul and drain the energy of all who embrace it.

To halt this process, we must understand the root of our drama addiction, be aware of our reactions, and be willing to accept that a serene, joyful life need not be a boring one. "


.. more at link ...


Interested in hearing everyone's thoughts ... :hi:

[Pathwalker]

1. Ah - the Cosmic Drama Queens!

Regardless of their gender, these people just drain every ounce of joy and energy from you.
You'll never be able to say 'I hate that for you' enough to please them, because, quite frankly, they don't WANT to be pleased, and have a serious emotional investment in the dramas that follow them around like fleas follow a stray dog.
Oh, you try to help, but then they'll turn on you for that, too, sooner or later. Suggest that a change in perspective might help, and you earn their wrath. I've never met a person who hasn't had to face challenges in life - everyone does, but not every single one is a reason to panic, and drag in every person they know for each and every one.
If you're at all psychically sensitive, you need a strong psychic shield. And you must keep them at a distance, because they seem to need to devour every ounce of CARING energy you offer.

(Don't mind me, I've been dealing with my youngest son's tendencies for this, and trying to teach him to
rise above it. He's getting there.)

[hippiechick]

3. We're on the same wavelength, NB ...

O8) :hi:

[bliss_eternal]

11. Wow, NB you totally nailed this...!

What a great description! :hi:

I'm also sensitive and it never occurred to me, that I was at all psychic or empathic. After reading about Dr. Judith Orloff I realized how I was always taking on others' energy and was miserable for it.

Sometimes one has to be willing to give them self permission to disengage from those that drain their energy. I learned this the hard way, lol. There are still times I have to remind myself, not everyone has the best intentions and not everyone is even aware that they WANT to drain you--they just do.

Something about your energy and attention that they hook into and want more--like you said, you can never give them enough and the only thing you can do is walk away.

[Digit]

2. Introduce them to The Secret movie?

If I knew of someone who was inviting chaos into their life on a constant basis, I would strongly suggest they watch it.
Although I have wondered how much astrology can impact where you are in your life and if you can turn it around if you are in funkytown.

[hippiechick]

4. ... Seems like the more one offers, the more the Vampire wants ...

It turns into a constant drainage, I've noticed. :shrug:

[bliss_eternal]

13. Sometimes the only thing you can do is disengage...

I was really helped with this when I read Dr. Judith Orloff. I believe she has some articles about it on her website, too. And of course, asking on this board--several in this area of DU gave me permission to break away. lol.

She said that one should not fear they are being rude, because in that thought we are still caring for that person more than for ourselves. If someone has yucky energy and you feel the drain, there's a reason. You probably need to break away from them.

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh. I know from experience, it isn't easy. But honestly, no one is going to give you permission to care for yourself. Their goal is to get their needs met ultimately, even if it is a drain on you... Do what you need to do for you. You're worth it!

:hug:

[hippiechick]

14. Thanks ... ...

... I've just been noticing more and more people like that in general, and was curious how/why so many have 'popped up' recently, or if it's that I'm at a point where I'm more aware (I won't say 'judgemental' but that is how it sounds) of people with those traits because I've developed my own 'eek! keep it away from me!' tendencies ...

[bliss_eternal]

16. Oh sure...! That's definitely a possibility!

That you are merely more aware of the existence of this and can recognize it now. But it's funny the way you put it. ...The Eeek, keep it away from me. LOL! :rofl:

[Why Syzygy]

18. This is a very thoughtful thread ..

and goes right along with my current life lessons. When I moved to a new location 1 1/2 years ago, I left behind a network of various friends that had evolved over about a 10 year period. I knew I was doing that and they all wished me well. They knew I would love this new place.

However, when I got here, the first person I engaged with was a drain type. Through him I met other drain types. They were all so excited to meet me, a new person! They were insta-friends. Friendliness is something I believe in. But now I know I was way too trusting. As things turned out in that matrix, all of them were later willing to take my money, my friendship and leave me in the dust. Betrayal. So now I am thinking that trust is a very valuable commodity that I have given away too often. I just have had this mind set that everyone is trustworthy. Sad to say, it isn't so. One of his friends even laughed in my face when I said, but this other person and I had an agreement. He said, AGREEMENT? You think agreements mean anything! Well where I come from they do. They certainly do. If you can't trust the word of another person, what can you trust? I just never learned that agreements mean nothing. The word is a person's code of honor.

People, like Bush, who think you can just change the rules at any minute to suit yourself, are not trustworthy. We all know he knows nothing about diplomacy. That may be why Hippiechick is seeing a surge of people who can't be trusted. If the highest office in our land can lie and be a scam artist (which he is), then maybe some people start thinking that is norm. Very very sad.

[SeattleGirl]

5. I call those folks energy vampires

And unfortunately, I used to be one, until I learned how to stop being a victim, and learned to find excitement in things other than drama and calamity. Being around those kinds of people now is not something I like, though if I can help in some way, I will. But overall, I think there has to be an internal change, rather than an external change.

[Why Syzygy]

17. I had a friend for 7 years

who was the biggest accident waiting to happen. She was NEVER satisfied. Even after her pay tripled over night when her company went union, she still set herself up for financial failure. She was always getting speeding tickets. She once got two tickets while driving to my house, two hours late I might add. She suggested I should pay the tickets because she was coming to my house! She was ticketed for the same two offences a few weeks later in a different location. Everytime we went anywhere, she would say, well that wasn't much fun. Of course it was. One night we went to a concert. I wasn't a big concert going person, but did it because she really wanted to. She was squished up against the fence, just like she wanted, and I stood in back so I could breathe. It was outdoors. We stopped briefly afterwards at a sports bar I wanted to check out. Then we went to Denny's, her choice, and I bought her meal! She had the audacity to tell me later, well that wasn't much fun. HUH?? I had changed my tactic by then and said, sure it was. I had a great time. In reality, it wasn't fantastic or anything. But I sure found things to enjoy during the evening. I spent the night at her house that night and her misbehaving dog kept me up all night. She had the filthiest house I have ever seen and I soon developed a long term case of bronchitis. I used to go over and clean her apartment for her. I thought when she bought a house, things would be different, but no. I stayed at her house for about six months once. The day I moved in, my gut was screaming, NO! NO! NO! I really should listen to my gut. I'm saying this and becoming aware of what a pile of untended to things I myself have right here. The experience with her really shook me. I hadn't thought about how I am allowing that to have a long term effect on me.

I was mostly out of town the whole time I stayed there. But every time I stepped foot back in her house, I got sick for several days. She had a clutter problem and had more stuff than 20 people need. She knew about clutterers anonymous. I had never heard of it. I know the toll that addictions can take on someone. But she never wanted help. I was in the process of getting rid of a bunch of my stuff so I could move more efficiently. Something snapped in her and we ended up not being friends after that. She got very mean. After my move I did call her a couple of times to see if there was any way we could re-establish a friendly setting between us because I just wanted us to be at peace. She was so angry, something I had overlooked for all those years. She rejected my offer and stayed in her snit. I guess being upset was more important to her. She never really did like anyone that couldn't do something for her. I still think that it set off something in me that carried over to my new experiences because I found people much like that in my new location right away. Just looking for a fight. I don't want a fight. Thankfully, I am on a new track and am finding healing, supportive people. But that thing was scary. Is that a vampire? Have I gotten over that? eek.

Come to think of it. My mother is an emotional vampire. No matter how hard I try, or all the efforts I have extended through the years, it was never enough. I don't willingly let her suck my blood/life force any more. But all she has to do is drop me an email and my emotions get all churned up. I have set some boundaries. The first was to tell her don't call me. I have now informed her not to email. Don't even need it. I wish things could be different, but I have given much time to the effort and there is just nothing more I can do.

[LaurenG]

6. Psychic Vampires ~~~~~

I was taught that most people who engage in this type of behavior are not aware of the effect they have on others. They can drain energy through many different means.

Psychics and those who see auras describe cords that go from the "vampire" to the victim, usually from their solar plexus to yours. They feel better and you feel worse. In healing circles one type of "vampire" is known as an "oral sucker".

Good boundaries and the ability to say what you need to keep your boundaries solid are essential. We can't always tell others that what they're doing bothers us so just teach them that you aren't available for that kind of conversation any longer by doing the following:

If you are sitting/standing in a room with them stand up and smile, interrupt kindly and tell them that you must go do so and so. If on the telephone let them know that you have only a few moments and must hang up.

There is no judgment toward them just good solid boundaries to protect yourself. Most of us need to be shown good examples more than anything. There are other more esoteric methods of protection as well but this is an excellent way to learn not to be sucked upon, lol.

[SeattleGirl]

7. MrSeattleGirl works with a person like this

Works in a rather small room with her and another person. When she is not there, he says it feels like he's on vacation, that the whole feeling in the room changes. I've told him about energy/psychic vampires, and while he cannot completely escape it because of working in such close proximity to her, he has learned to block her to a large extent.

Edited because my fingers do not seem to be working very well today on the keyboard.

[LaurenG]

8. Oooo

Having to work in a small place with a "needy" person is difficult. Good for him that he has learned to block her out, it's a hard thing to do sometimes.

[SeattleGirl]

9. I know. I used to be in a similar situation.

I work from home now, which I love, but for him, that is not possible.

[tanyev]

10. I knew a lady like this in my early twenties and then I moved to

another town and met a lady I could have sworn was her psychic doppelganger. They shared a few physical characteristics--even drove the same make, model and color car. But it was more in how if anything bad could possibly happen, it would certainly happen to them. I began to wonder if they were like matter and anti-matter. I hoped that if the two of them ever met, that I was far, far away.

[Why Syzygy]

12. I've been thinking about this a lot lately.

Coming out of an extremely dramatic relationship left such a void. I know that during my youth, my mother was always making one drama scene or another. Yet, I was always chastised as the one with emotions. I realized a possible drama addiction when I was out watering the flower bed a few weeks ago, and just felt empty and void without that guy. I love flowers, so shouldn't that be enough? Why was I feeling so empty. I thought, it must be the drama factor. It wasn't all 'bad' of course. The 'good' drama is what hooked me. The negative stuff only came later. I believe he is a drama addict himself because I know the circle he frequents and those people pile it on BIG TIME. I had been leading a relatively quiet and peaceful life until I got sucked up into their sphere. My ex-dh of 13 years and I lived a normal existence. Whenever an upsetting event came up, we just calmly addressed it and then things got back on steady.

I don't want to be addicted to drama. I've even done internet research to try to find an answer, but have not. This is a good article, but it still leaves a lot of questions unanswered.

All drama is not bad. We need drama and comedy and cannot escape some tragedy along the way. I can sort of see how this guy ramped up the volume on a number of occasions. Looking for a reaction, I guess. I gave him some reactions at times. No matter how hard I tried to get things on a steady keel, he would throw a monkey wrench into the equation and get things all disheveled again.

I've also been questioning where evil comes from. I haven't believed in a devil in a long time. I believe it was invented by certain religious groups for various reasons. But, on the other hand, where the hell does it come from?

[lildreamer316]

19. I had the same problem.

To be honest, I don't know exactly what "cured" me of the need for excessive drama exactly. I'll give you a very brief story to see if I can grab it.
I was with a guy for 8 years. LOTS of drama; crazy soap-opera stuff. In May of 2001 he was killed in a motorcycle wreck. I spent about 6 months in the house by myself. I did go out,but....I was alone most of the time. It was very enlightening and calming for me. I started making a mental list of what I wanted next time I got into a relationship. Long story short, by the time I found my next serious relationship; my need for drama was gone. Completely.(BTW; that was only about 9 months later--the one I have today!)
I think the fact that you have identified the problem will probably mean you are at least halfway "cured" of it, if not completely. Good for you! Life is so much easier without that--I know you feel that too.
I'm excited for you.It's so freeing for me to be rid of that burden; I hope it will be for you also.

[BlueIris]

15. When I think of emotional vampires, I think of the folks who have NO,

absolutely NO coping skills of their own (and refuse to develop any). They leech and leech and leech off of others for emotional support because they cannot, cannot, cannot face the idea that they should invest in their own ability to deal with stress.

[Mist]

20. I think "drama junkies" (or crisis junkies) and emotional vampires are

two different critters (although they can overlap). Crisis junkies are often heavy drinkers/users (or outright addicts/alkies), or else they grew up around users. They think lurching from crisis to crisis is normal. Psychic vampires don't generally know what they're doing; they just like being around some people, because it makes them feel good. However, if you're one of the people they "feel good" being around, you can feel incredibly drained when they leave. It took me a while to get a fix on a woman I was friends with for a while. She loved visiting my apartment, and just hanging around, but I was drained and tired when she'd leave. I finally consciously realized what was going on, and had to detach. One clue, if you need to "read" someone like this: if they like various aspects of you, your abilities, your life in general, but don't seem to pursue these things on their own. I'm a Pagan and a Wiccan, and this woman was intrigued by that, but I couldn't get her to check out some newbie classes and groups in the area. She just liked being around someone who was Pagan, but wouldn't take the step herself. Plus, I'm creative, and often make gifts for people, and maybe she liked that creative energy, but wouldn't take the step of starting projects herself. It was like I was her official "Pagan/off-beat" friend, and she liked that energy, but wouldn't seek it out herself.