Advice on my workplace situation.

[BluePatriot]

Hi everyone (especially BlueIris!) Please PM me if you'd like birth time / city.

This is my problem: I don't know if it's something about my energy, attitude, or what, but I'm treated like I'm invisible at my workplace. (Even delegation of work has come up and even though I find it plainly obvious that I have time to goof around on DU all day and write out the story of my life they for some reason won't give me anything else to do. They think I have plenty.) It's kind of an odd situation as my mother works here as a manager which changes the dynamic/politics a lot. So there is on occasion a big paternalistic / "pat on the head little girl" vibe which drives me nuts. It may be too much to overcome.

I don't particularly care for the job but as my immediate boss will be out having a baby I feel like sticking around another 3-4 mos is the ethical thing to do. I am a person who defines what they are = their job. A bit of a type A. I can't adapt to the mundane tasks and "life script" (kids) that seem expected of me as a young woman here. I have real problems relaxing and know I am struggling with health issues due to the underutilization of my intelligence. I have channeled this excess brainpower into volunteering lately with a non profit group. That's very fun and I wish I could turn that into a job one day. I also feel like I should be on a grad school track or something but feel stuck due to circumstances, although the truth is that I am insecure in my knowledge of what I enjoy and could pursue on a higher level, and this whole job thing has exacerbated my insecurities. Why pursue more education if everyone assumes all a young woman can do is have children and type spreadsheets?

Anyway, they hired someone new today. What made me finally post is that my boss' boss came around and introduced me as having been upstairs 3 months (um, it's really 8, but thanks.) My boss is out at a checkup and a few people have come in here just asking where she is and not even acknowledging me. (we share an office) I swear I feel like I am wearing the Harry Potter invisibility cloak sometimes.

I toted my BA in to put on the wall beside me, mostly with the goal in mind that it could be a positive visual cue that could get people thinking, and might make the superiors think twice about giving me light data entry tasks and stuff. I'll give that more time, I guess. I have also been working on my assertiveness and speaking plainly about my true feelings. My sense, which is even more depressing, is that they just can't comprehend that I can do more work, vs. anything deliberate or political. I am trying to get "noticed" to no avail because of assumptions people have made about me that I can't control. I would like to change people's perceptions but the energy here is very entrenched. (Many "lifers" in management have been here 18-20 years and this place only has maybe 50 people) My boss' boss has real problems delegating work and the two women in this position before me quit for the same reasons I am complaining about. This has been pointed out but nothing has happened (yet)

I got myself put on the "achievement wall" ( a corny recognition method if there ever was one) and I realized that since my move upstairs I haven't been involved in much. No meetings with customers, no projects, no new accounts, just sort of pigeonholed into an assistant role which my skills greatly exceed. It was good for a while as I was dealing with some health problems in Oct. shortly after I was moved up here but now I feel like I need more of a challenge.

I guess I'd like to know what I can do to change and if I need to recognize that it's time to move forward to something else. Thanks for your attention, everybody.

[Celebration]

1. I don't know astrology

But maybe you answered your own question with this post.

I am guessing that if you could get more responsibility you would feel better about it.

See if this works--try thinking about how the company could function better, either by making more money from customers, or increasing efficiency. In other words, try to think of the company in terms of being an owner. You have worked there for awhile and your mother is there. You probably have a lot of great ideas. Try to define those, and write them down. Then, think how you can contribute to the success as a company. Then, using techniques you have learned, act as if you already do have the authority to advance those ideas, if you get what I mean, but without stepping on toes.

I wouldn't suggest all this with everyone with these problems, but they have promoted you, but just have not figured out how to utilize your talents. So, you have to do their job for them (show them how your talents can be utilized). It all has to do with your defining opportunities and challenges for the company, and addressing them yourself.

You should have an idea of whether this works or not by the time you feel like you can quit. In the meantime, you can do a "Plan B" which is figuring out what to do with your life if this doesn't work out.

[BluePatriot]

3. I used to do that actually,

...which got me moved up here to a group of women with a big "chain of command" style who seem to want to shut down all of my pesky intelligent qualities so I will be a good little subordinate. To the male managers downstairs I was an asset worth mentoring, to my new female bosses it's like I'm competition that needs to be shown my place. It's a maddening difference in style that I can't seem to get around. I don't care about politics, I just want to get some work done.

edit: ok, probably not overtly, but maybe the problem is simply that of "bright young woman rocking boat and making everyone else look bad because we have become complacent in our jobs and don't care for change"

[Celebration]

18. meaningful jobs

Keep the job for now but keep looking for opportunities. The nonprofit sounds great. If you make a go of that you will meet people, probably, and you never know what might come up.

All three of my daughters have had similar issues. They all had enough experience at working at offices, and they were just bored by the work, didn't like the politics, etc.--it was nothing horrendous that some people endure. Now they all teach at different levels. It's a lot harder and so far less money, but they are happier. When you are trying to figure out what you like to do, try to remember what you liked when you were in first grade. As an example, the one daughter of mine that liked playing with dolls and stuffed animals now is the pre K teacher.

These career moves were disruptive. A daughter that majored in math/statistics/economics and graduated high in the class ditched that all to do graduate level studies in Japanese. She is much happier.

I know the arts jobs are hard to come by sometimes. Is the nonprofit in the arts? I actually worked as a financial manager in a nonprofit arts group. If that is your goal, try to get experience *somewhere* doing writing for newsletters, since you were an English major. Communications is a great entry level position in the arts groups, and any experience you get along those lines will be helpful. If your nonprofit needs a web page, try doing that, and start a newsletter/blog on the web page. Just thought I would throw that out there since I have worked in a nonprofits arts group. You would probably have to start with a small group at first, take a small salary, etc. Or, you could try to freelance with several small groups. LOL you could keep your regular job and do that, too. The big better paying jobs with arts groups are either as the CEO or "development" (fund raising). In either case fund raising and loving to hobnob with rich folks is a great asset for those jobs.

Astrology advice will have to come from someone besides me.

[Coyote_Bandit]

2. My first thought

is that perhaps your work situation has nothing at all to do with you - and is therefore largely out of your control.

Any change you undertake should be for your own best long-term interests - irrespective of your current work situation.

I once worked for a company where I too felt largely invisible. The place was very formal and good old boy old school. Turned out my boss who was in his mid 50's had never worked with a female colleague or supervised a female professional level subordinate. Something I did not kow until after I left. I don't think there is anything I could have done to change the way I was treated. It was simply part of the dynamic within that company. Although that business has been in operation for nearly 30 years, they have yet to retain a professional level female for more than just a couple of years.

[BluePatriot]

4. Right --

I think I'm coming to realize that about this place. I am glad that through my volunteer efforts I am coming to realize that my skills have value again, and that my treatment here is truly strange.

[I Have A Dream]

5. Hi, BluePatriot! Have you spoken to your mother about this situation?

n/t

[BluePatriot]

6. Repeatedly and often

She was recently promoted from supervisor. It was her behind the scenes nudging that got me on that achievement board (not that I didn't deserve it for past accomplishments but I had the feeling no one knew what I had really done for the co. for a while, so she helped) She was also in a meeting discussing distribution of workload for the accounts in this group. Apparently everyone says I do SO much already and handle SO many accounts and am doing a GREAT job. LOL. Actually maybe they do value my work, turnover up here is pretty high, and they've had a few space cadet assistants, but it's still pretty strange to me. Look at how often I am on DU during the workday, for example. Someone QUIT and I got to help out for a little while (and gladly took it on) and then when boss-boss came back from her vacation it all got taken away (the person with delegation problems) which really miffed me.

edit: it's like: people staying until 7 PM and denying they need help with anything I can "do." They don't get I can "do" a lot.

[I Have A Dream]

8. Is it possible that people are afraid to upset your mother by...

not asking anything of you? (I'm just grasping at straws, but it's possible.)

[BluePatriot]

9. *shrug*

It's an odd dynamic with her recent promotion. Actually there are two other young men who work here in the same situation. One's a supervisor's son, and one's the son of the HR manager. They have a rep. for being slackers. Maybe it's just not expected that I want more work b/c they are content to slack around and take advantage. I want to be part of the team, not some nepotism-leech.

My mom is generally well-regarded as far as I can tell, which may not be accurate, as who would talk badly about her with me around, LOL. But, she is a good leader who has worked on the bottom at this company and moved up via hard work and ties to a large account. It was easier working downstairs b/c she wasn't around at all and I feel like I got by on my merits.

[Why Syzygy]

7. This sounds like

a temp job I had with the Boy Scouts. I worked temps for years so I could have flexibility.

The job I filled there was over 40 grand a year and all this person (and I as her fill in) did was make few calls to councils who had not sent in their payments. This was called "Collections".
I charted the payments that did come in on a spread sheet. There were three of us who did the same job. It takes about 5 hours a week. The rest is 'free time'. And from what I saw, make as many long distance calls as you want.

It is frustrating.

Topaz is the gem and color of invisibility. Are you wearing that?

What are your other options? Being invisible has it's good moments.

What can you do? It sounds like you have thought this out and have a better idea.
What is it?

[BluePatriot]

10. Well,

I'm using my invisibility to get a whole lot done for my little local non profit on work time, LOL. I am trying to maybe make connections/grow that into a paying and rewarding job.

I don't wear topaz, I have a nice little turquoise and coral ring, and a modest diamond ring.

[Dora]

11. I've recently been challenged by the same lessons as you.

"Why pursue more education if everyone assumes all a young woman can do is have children and type spreadsheets? " I sympathize with your situation, my experience parallels yours in many aspects. Here's a big :hug:

If I understand correctly, your job is satisfying your material needs/wants, but is not satisfying your intellectual/spiritual needs/wants. I am in a position much like yours, and recently came to a change of energies that has made the spreadsheets, filing, and form lettering much more tolerable. Here are some of the things I have done over the last few weeks, months, years, that I can see have contributed to this.

I charged up my workspace. I got a new pencil cup. Took the arms off of my desk chair so that I wouldn't feel trapped to my desk. Brought in a favorite cd and listened to it. Set my radio to the classical station. Here's why: my office serves as a passage between the hall and the Director's office, and it also hosts the contracts filing room. I have a lot of traffic in and out of my office all day, and the door adjoining my office to the Director's is usually open. My work space feels as though it is a common space, and because of this, I have never truly claimed it as my own. So, I injected a little more of myself into my space. It was funny how good I felt when I got that silly pencil cup. The other cup had a propensity for tipping over and spilling its contents - and finally I did something about it. And the arms off of my chair! That felt like somebody left the cage door open!

I stopped feeling about how stuck I felt, and began thinking about how to unstick myself. What was I stuck in? An unsatisfying job. What would satisfy me? A job that allowed me to interact more with people, required sharing information, and was more deeply engaged with the publishing process. What did I need? A network of friends and colleagues and resources. How did I get that? That was the hardest part, but after I finally recognized the importance of a network, and began recognizing the connections I already had, more new ones fell into place. A couple of years ago I signed up on job e-mail list in my industry (publishing). A year ago, I subscribed to a free industry magazine in the area my long-term goals are focused on (magazines). I'm more open about discussing my work and what I do with new people I meet - and I've met new people for my network as a result.

One kick in the ass I got was coming across a quotation that said that in order for me to be happy with what I have, I must stop coveting what's on everybody else's plate, and pay attention to eating what was on my own. I know that's a big part of what was contributing to my unhappiness, this idea that I was supposed to attain a particular "success" that I thought other people embodied or had. My workspace change up was a baby step into paying attention to what was on my plate.

I began to affirm myself, my decisions, my history, my now, and my future. I have a deck of Power Thought Cards that my mother gave me. I keep them out on my desk and flip out a new one every morning. I subscribed to e-mail affirmation lists, the Daily Ohm, and also Tut something-or-other. These have been very good at helping me change the way I think and feel. I work at ending the free-floating guilt that I am not what I think I am supposed to be, and instead affirm who I am. I have had to work at ending my bad habit of envying the success and achievement of others, because it is unproductive and a distraction from reaching my own goals.

Sigh, and I set some "goals," but I really just identified my desires (a different job that meets xyz requirements, more income, the opportunity to start a venture, raging success at that venture, economic freedom, land stewardship). That big list brought me to terms with understanding "Rome wasn't built in a day." I've had to see that time moves at its own pace, and that I do not get to decide when a goal will be met, only that I must work toward it in whatever way I can, whether it's in big steps (like quitting a job, which didn't work for me) or little (like taking the arms off of my chair).

I feel much better now, and I think I'm seeing the results not just in how I feel, but in how others are treating me, and in some of the opportunities that have crossed my path. I hope that there's something in all of this that might help you. I really understand where you're coming from.

[BluePatriot]

12. Thank you! Great advice.

A big problem for me is feeling like if I "accept" this that I am "settling for something I'm not" or "giving up." Do you know how you got over that feeling? My husband says I should just go with the flow instead of bashing myself silly against the wall and causing myself pain, because the flow of water will wear down the wall over time too. A nice, Tao-ish mindset. I'm just scared a low key approach won't work with my already mildly introverted personality, that I need to be aggressive about my goals or they will be forgotten in the monotone of daily routine. I have put myself last for a long time and I already don't recognize the person I've become. I don't want to adapt to being a clerk when my ex is in medical school on a Carribean island *pout*.

[Dora]

15. On Settling

"I don't want to adapt to being a clerk when my ex is in medical school on a Carribean island *pout*."

Better pull in that lip!

I know that it doesn't feel good to feel bad about your job. I feel bad about my job every week, but much less so these days than I was two months ago, or two years ago, or four. I got tired of feeling bad, and I wanted it to stop. We spend most of our time at work. Do you want to feel bad about what you're doing most of the time? No? Then stop feeling bad. Is it the job that's making you unhappy? Yes? Then go through the list - what can you change? What makes you feel happy? Then get those things that will make you happy. And you're working on this, yes, you're volunteering, you're getting a sense of the shapes in the fog, but if you want change to come deeper into your life you must make some room for it and that means not saying things like, "I don't want to adapt."

It's essential that you adapt. You must adapt. Change demands adaptation. It's the only way you're going to make any progress whatsoever. Stop giving energy worrying about what your ex is doing - you're wasting time, girl! Give that attention to those things you can control and influence. Your family life, your work space, your job search, your hunt for the perfect grad school.

I do advise you to do some deep, slow thinking about working with your mother. I worked with mine for six years (that was ten years ago). So, I know those ties that bind. :hug: It was difficult to come to terms with the amount of influence she had on me, and I admit that I've consciously changed how I interact with her in order for me to affirm and own my decisions as the right decision for me. Never has my relationship with her been bad or unpleasant, but I think there's some stuff on our karmic wheel that makes our spiritual partnership particularly dynamic.

Your husband's advice is much like mine, except mine comes with affirmations. Yes, you do have to go with the flow, and allow it to carry you further downstream. The view will be different from there. And by doing this, you are not settling, you are swimming. If you don't swim with the current of your life, you will eventually be worn down and consumed by it. We have too much to do, to offer, and to give. We cannot allow ourselves to become worn down by our resistance to change.

Tao. Yes. Zen. Yes. Embrace your suffering. Submit to your reality. Then change it.

[BluePatriot]

16. Thanks

*nods* That sounds like my husband again. "Adapt, adapt."

Sigh. Thanks for the boot to the rear! I will work on that.

[MorningGlow]

13. I just went through the same thing

Hi BP,

You have my sympathies! My last job was pretty much the same situation--I was hired as the associate editor of a magazine--pretty spiffy, right? Well, not so much. The editor HAAATED me (without even getting to know me--thanks a bunch) and refused to let me actually work on the magazine. I tried and tried and TRIED to get him to let me do more, to no avail. Why? Same reasons as you--I was a threat to him (but damn I did NOT want his job), he was a control freak (had nothing to do with me--he couldn't delegate to ANYbody), and he was massively insecure all the way around. Whee--I hit the trifecta of personality traits for a "BAD BOSS".

I spent four years there. The first couple of years, like you, I used my down time (of which there was plenty) to do what I needed to--in my case, it was lie low, because I was pregnant (a surprise) and then sleepless. LOL! But, like you, I also was restless.

I ended up qitting my job, but that's what was right for me, arrived at only after a LOT of contemplation (and posting about it here LOL). I wouldn't presume to tell you to do the same. But I can say if you haven't gotten through to these people yet, you may never be able to breach the fortress. And really, do you WANT to? You mentioned that you get your identity from your career (I am the same way)--is that place your career? It doesn't sound like it.

Many (many!) spiritual folks are experiencing life changes at this point in time, including changing careers--just look around at some of the recent threads in the astro forum. Someone here recently said that as the spiritual world shifts, we're all going to be making our living in ways that complement our more spiritual lifestyle. Do you think there's a way to do something like your nonprofit job, but for profit? Perhaps it's time to draw something like that into your life? Something to think about anyway! :hi:

[BluePatriot]

14. Hi MorningGlow!

No way is this my career.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Freight_forwarder

I just landed here b/c I found out teaching wasn't for me and in Texas there's not much else to do with an English degree (ok, that's defeatist sounding, I guess if I wanted to compete for the 20 or so arts jobs downtown with ten bajillion other applicants, I could) Picking up and moving is sounding appealing. I know hubby would be game. Our jobs are relatively secure and entry-level, but, mind-numbing.

I had a health issue which had me sidelined for a while. It has added to the perception that I can't handle stress. Folks -- not working IS causing me stress!!! While I thought that health matter was perhaps the reason I was on light duty, I am starting to see otherwise. There are women here who have been in the same job/role for 15 plus years and things just move like molasses. I fully expect they think 3-5 yrs making copies is a normal dues-paying experience.

You are right about never being able to breach the fortress. I am glad that I finally recognize this is a systemic problem/poor management vs. a comment on my capabilities. It helps me feel a bit more confident in moving forward and networking with others.

I should probably document in writing my attempts to get a bigger workload.

It's hard to break away from the security though. The pay here's pretty good for sitting around. And at this stage in the game (<3 yrs exp) it's either this or retail. I have a goal of sticking it out 3 years and moving on.

[MorningGlow]

17. Dang, woman

I think we're living parallel lives! :rofl:

I was an English major and tried teaching, only to find out that it gave me frickin' hives (the administration, not the kids or the teaching itself).

And I had health problems too, pretty bad ones (thyroid), but somehow I kept working through the undiagnosed-and-suffering stage (I've since gotten meds--lovely, lovely meds! :loveya:)

Plus I know all about competing for those count-'em-on-one-hand arts jobs--I thought I had really staged a coup when I got that associate editor job, and although the pay was kind of crappy it sure didn't hurt the family coffers, and the health insurance was good. And I had an office with a lovely view of the river. It was at a university, so EVERYTHING moved at a snail's pace--completely frustrating for me--my previous job was at a TV station, where everything moved faster than the speed of sound, so it was tough to adjust.

You're right--it's NOT you, except that your eagerness might freak out your tree sloth coworkers and they react negatively because of it. In my first month, my editor told me to slow down because I was working too fast.
:wtf:

Anyway, it's been a common experience here on the astro board to spend time really reflecting on what you want to do and, once you figure that out, concentrating on manifesting it in your life. I must say, we've been doing pretty well here! Give it a try!