I posted your request for help for you, and I notice you haven't even been to the thread, or if you have, you haven't responded to anyone:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=245x5397You haven't responded to my PM to you which was in response to yours -- which is fine, actually, but in it I suggested to you that you take a look at the very thread you first posted in asking for some help (the Spiritual Emergency thread) because there were a number of really good ideas on it...
I hope this doesn't sound harsh or insensitive, but it looks to me like you keep running around asking for help here and there, yet I don't see you taking advantage of what help is offered or even acknowledging it very well (or at all).
I can understand fully feeling panic-stricken, bereft, all afloat and rudderless, etc. or whatever, but at some point you're going to have to ground yourself enough to take advantage of the help I KNOW in my heart you are surrounded with in the form of your own Spirit Guides and Loved Ones who've gone on -- not to mention some of the loving comfort and help these wonderful people at DU have tried to offer you.
IOW: get a grip, girl. Center yourself. Breathe, dammit. Help is available, it's at hand, free for the taking, as much as you can possible use, but you're going to have to snap out of it and begin to utilize and put it to use. That is going to require an active step from YOU. No one can do it for you.
I also sense that the pipeline is a little clogged from your inability/unwillingness/whatever (being too scattered?) to RECEIVE. Stop what you're doing, please, and consciously, deliberately RECEIVE. Receive, accept, acknowledge and be grateful. Please.