Boundaries or lack thereof

[Thirtieschild]

I need advice on how to set boundaries. Our therapist daughter says I don't have any and it's a big problem. She's concerned about my reaction to our son, who is playing with fire: he's involved in one of those met-on-line relationships with a woman who, fortunately, lives on the other side of the country. She isn't divorced yet, has three children, one autistic, she herself is OCD, cuts herself, has eating disorders, just got a restraining order against a violent husband, and has an incredibly traumatic past. (So traumatic that I wonder how much of it is true.) It's a major mess and I'm not giving the kind of motherly advice I should be giving, which is to stay as far away as he can. Instead I've told him that with Pisces rising he is trying to be a savior, that he can't save her, that she can only save herself with hard work and lots of professional help. (He's a Virgo with a Sag Moon exactly conjunct the M.C. She's a Leo with Moon in Virgo, Jupiter on his Pisces ascendant and Mars on his Virgo Venus and 7th cusp.)

I' pretty sure that I'm feeling his feelings. I do this with lots of people, just today realized that I can't have boundaries when I'm feeling what everyone is feeling. I'm working on separating my feelings from my son's and could sure use some advice. Any of you with a similar problem and how do you deal with it?

Today's eclipse hits my Mercury-Venus conjunction at 1 Pisces, which likely explains why I'm suddenly recognizing it. I'm a double Aquarian so should be able to detach myself. An exact quincunx between natal Sun and Neptune doesn't help.

[Shallah Kali]

1. I always start with grounding and shielding to filter out other's emotions

I am empathic and being Aquarian does nothing to limit my getting sucked into other people's emotional turmoil.

I begin with grounding which is rooting my energy into the earth by picturing roots growing deep into the earth. I often also send a grounding cord directly from my root chakra all the way down to the core of the earth. Grounding is very necessary especially if you are like me always in my head never in the rest of my body. To shield I picture myself surrounded by white or other colored light. Lately I like coating my aura with layers of silver and gold mesh to filter out the bad vibes while allowing positive energies like love to flow freely. Sometimes I surround myself in glowing flames or experiment with images that strike my fancy like a coating of energy like a bug zapper so when any bad vibes hits my shield it is instantly transmuted with a BUZZZZZZZZZZ! so experiment and find what images work best for you. I shield first thing in the morning and again before sleep. If I neglect this I get mentally slimed and really regret not sticking to my schedule.

Next I clear my energy. One quick and easy thing is to wipe down my aura with my hands with the intention that I collect any energy I picked up from others like dirt on a dust cloth. Do it all around you as far as you can comfortably reach about 1 1/2 to 2 feet out from your body or wherever you sense your aura's edge to be. If you think your aura is much further out than that mentally draw it back in so your energy is not so diffused. Then just gently sweep down your aura and then clap three times to discharge the gunk you collected. Some people don't believe this really helps until I do it for them and after collecting the gunk roll it into a ball and put it in their hand so they can feel the concentrated yuk. BTW if you do Reiki a quicker thing to try is draw SHK and CKR on each palm and then sweep the aura. The Reiki automatically breaks up and transmutes the bad vibes as you go.

[Thirtieschild]

2. Thank you for such wonderful advice

Thank you for reminding me how much I need grounding. The idea of rooting myself into the earth resonates, also the need to clean my aura. Like you I live in my head (four air planets, three of them in Aquarius, and four water planets, just one earth). I can see how much clearer life would be if I could deal with my own feelings, and only my feelings.

My husband is Libra but has a five-planet grand trine in earth - when I feel my cells dissolving, touching him solidifies me. But - and this is a big but - I need to be able to do it myself. You've give me so much - almost like you read me and knew exactly what I need. Thanks again.

[Shallah Kali]

3. I had a chart done once which showed me mostly air and little earth

of course I lost it years ago so I cant remember the details, just that it confirmed that I am a major air head. This is probably why we can relate here.

Since your husband has some innate grounding remember how you feel when you touch him when you practice it for yourself. Or you can try practicing when you are touching such as when watching TV with him or if he is willing just as him to let you hold his hand when you practice. psychic senses can be subtle so if ya'll are comfortable with this try mentally scanning him focusing on that feeling of groundedness. Can you see in your minds eye his roots? Or is it a tactile sensation? Does it have a flavor or sound or a combination of things? Also check where your center is located. Mine is in my gut and I am feeling solidly in my body and at my best I really feel like my personal power is radiating out of my solar plexus outward. i don't know how to describe this better, just that i find it useful to notice these details and try to mentally nudge myself into that centered place so I can best deal with life. at times like that I can just deflect other's energy effortlessly.

One more thing I forgot to share before- if you shower it is an excellent time to wash away other's energy. I will affirm that I release anything I have picked up from others and picture energy flowing down into the crown of my head flowing throughout my entire body gently dissolving and transmuting anything harmful i picked up. or just try this when you feel the need to clear yourself picturing sunlight or moon and star light beaming down and gently clearing you of anything that hinders your health and well being. Let it flow out your feet into the earth. I ask the Earth to please accept this energy and compost it.

[Thirtieschild]

6. Everything you say resonates.

You have obviously done a lot of work and found the things that work for you. I need to do the same. I pretty much feel everthing in my windpipe, very little in my gut. My atunement is to rocks, which is probably the place for me to start looking for grounding. I think boundaries are going to come only with grounding.

[Shallah Kali]

7. If rocks resonate with you check out any local rock or new age shops

Hold a stone and explore it's energy to find which ones assist you the most. For me hematite is wonderfully grounding and also seems to ground any negativity around me. At times it is a bit sedating. Onxy is livelier while still being protective. Amber is my favorite as like onxy it seems to absorb any negativity before it can touch me while having a very warm caring feel like sunlight beaming through treeleaves on a warm summer day :)

Or if you are an area without snow and ice on the ground check out your local pebbles when out and about. Maybe some local stones would like to come home with you :)

I feel that boundaries work best with grounding because that gives me a foundation to build upon, otherwise I am too wobbly to shield effectively. I have spent a good part of my life being the person who people like to share their troubles with leaving refreshed and me with their headache and heartache. It was an interesting confirmation that helped me accept that empthy is real when once I started establishing energy boundaries that certain people stopped wanting to talk with me whearas before I had to practically be rude to get them to let me be. I don't mind helping people by letting them vent or just wanting to talk to a sympathic listener. It is when someone who wants someone to save them and then sabotagues the help repeatedly or just want to complain without even trying to help themselves that I have to say no to - and those were the ones who simply stopped calling when I stopped accepting their bad vibes. I figure they were not geting the same sense of relief as before and had to go looking for another empath to dump on.

Good luck finding the tricks that work best for you! You said before your daughter is a counsler so she can, if she hasn't already, suggest some good books and techniques on setting healthy boundaries. I am still learning those myself so I don't feel qualified to suggest anything. as with many things energy work along with psychology work more effectively than one or the other alone.

[Why Syzygy]

4. I don't know enough astrology to comment on

that portion. I do know some things about boundaries.

I have also told my mother she doesn't have any. I don't think she's an empath, but I do believe she has used me to be the object of her fears and insecurities. How old is your son? You do seem to know a lot about the situation, even her birth chart. Another thing my mother has always done is tell me inappropriate information about her private life with my dad. There are some issues that should not be shared with children. There are some things that parents don't need to know all about, once one has reached the age of majority. One way to stop feeling his feelings is to have less information about his private life. If he needs advice, that's one thing. Give it.

I can't say I'm an empath, and I'm glad there are some here who will address that. I do think I can read people's feelings pretty well. I have emo-gar. I just have to be careful about how much of my own stuff is being mixed in with perception. And then, as for myself, I do have a choice about how far down that path I want to proceed. There are some shows that I cannot watch without crying. Those are my feelings, and I express them. They just belong to me.

I hope this doesn't sound harsh. To me, part of boundaries is the ability to say, this is my stuff and I believe in you and trust you enough to be able to hear it. And, you can trust be to do the same.

Be well.

[Thirtieschild]

5. It must be hard to have a mother without boundaries....

You don't sound harsh, and I appreciate you sharing your experience with a mother without boundaries. Helps me understand how my own children feel. My son, btw, is 41 and uses me as a sounding board. Obviously not a good thing.