This might sound strange but.......

[stewartcolbert08]

are there any psychics here or anything like that? And what is your opinion in seeking advice from one when you are a skeptic?

[northernlights]

1. I guess you mean "professional" right?

Since you're asking about seeking advice from one. If so, there may be but I'm not sure. There are professional astrologers here who are quite gifted at helping you understand what your current focus is now and the way and direction it will change (and about when and why), from what I've seen.

There are a number of people here, too, who are very intuitive, who have had precognitive, clairvoyant, and/or clairaudient experiences.

As far as seeking advice, I think it depends on the type of advice you are seeking. If you are looking for definitive statements of "this will happen next week or next year" then I don't expect you'll get much help.

If you are looking for guidance on your purpose here (in this lifetime) or help choosing between different paths, you may have more success. One way is to check out your nearest health food/new age type store for local magazines or papers, and look through the ads. See if any one of them feels right. Another would be to consult one of the astrologers who visits here.

And then, as one acquaintance of mine used to say, "Keep an open mind, but not so open that your brains fall out!"

[stewartcolbert08]

2. Yes....I guess so

I don't know. I am a total skeptic though ya know. In the past I have done reading and stuff just for fun, I talked to three who made it sound like me and this guy were "meant" to be together and everything pointed to us. LOL Since then we have broken up, its a long story but basically he got all self involved, I got lonely I left and started dating someone else. I always kind of thought that we might still end up together and now he has become this completely different person! He is doing things out of spite to hurt me, literally. I mean some of the shit he has pulled over the past months have left me completely speechless , yet I still miss his friendship, I miss his jokes, our laughs but I feel like a fool because he has turned out to be such an asshole! Hurt or not, the shit he has pulled has made it impossible for us to ever be again! I guess I just wanted to get that out there and say that I am hurting! I hate the thought of him hating me forever, of him not acknowledging that alot of what has happened between us is his fault, I hate that he has told everyone his side so they all hate me too, when we said good bye I told him I wanted him to be happy and that I would always be there for him even if he didn't want me there and I meant it because I love him, i really do! But he is a piece of shit! I am dating this guy now that is wonderful and I cant let this other bullshit go! Even though its stupid and I feel like a fool for it I still want us to be friends again someday. I know I am an idiot for it. He is no good for me everyone says so. I guess I just don't know how to proceed from here. I never saw myself here ya know. So honestly I don't know what I am looking for LOL but I am looking for something!!!! LOL :shrugging:

[northernlights]

3. true psychics key into your energy

... but the risk always is that their own filters distort may what they pick up. And that your filters distort what you hear from them.

So 3 psychics who said this guy is "the one" were keying into the connection that obviously is still there between you. But their filters (or yours, or both) interpret it automatically as a romantic relationship.

Or perhaps you're expecting the relationship to be easy because it is supposed to be "the one?" Because your relationship with him is obviously not over, regardless of who you are dating now.

You say broke up with him because he got self-absorbed. But "self-absorbed" is your perception and judgement of him. How long did this "self-absorbed" phase last before you broke up with him? How long were you willing and able to "ride out" this phase he was going through? Often (not always but often) when we judge someone else, we are really only projecting ourselves onto them. Why do you call his behavior at this time self-absorbed? Do you know what, if anything, he was feeling, thinking or going through at that time?

Now he is hurt because you broke up with him, so he is striking out at you. That makes you angry at him, so you label him an asshole. But then claim you still love this asshole you now call a piece of shit. But you want to be friends with him. And you can't let him go. Why do you love an asshole who is a piece of shit? Why do you want to be friends with an asshole who is a piece of shit?

Because 1. he is not an asshole or a piece of shit, he is a person with flaws just like you, and 2. you have unfinished business with him. And unfinished business, really, with yourself. That may or may not mean a romantic relationship with him.

But you must make a choice. Either finish the unfinished business with him (and yourself). Or truly set it aside/bury it deep, knowing that it will resurface in a year or decade or lifetime when you are ready to face it. Otherwise, you will not be free -- or free enough -- to commit to a new relationship.

[Celebration]

5. unfinished business for herself

A strong yes for that. But working it out through a toxic relationship is not the way to go. That is digging the hole deeper.

[northernlights]

6. didn't mean to imply getting back into or stuck in

a toxic relationship. Finishing the unfinished business with him may mean recognizing that she doesn't want to be friends with him someday. It may mean ending all interaction with him.

Or not. I don't really know, from what she has written, that the relationship is truly toxic, because his actual behavior has not been described. Only judgements about his behavior, which may or may not be fair and accurate judgements. Only they know what has actually transpired.

So she needs to step back, look honestly at him and herself, and made a choice based on an honest assessment.

[Celebration]

7. yes

But I think she didn't describe his behaviour because she doesn't want to do that on a public message board.

I am going to take her at her word that she knows he is toxic for her, yet she is attracted to him.

This is an extremely common occurrence, and fortunately for her she recognizes the situation for what it is, and wants direction on what to do about it. The BAD problems come when people do NOT know themselves or the situation well enough to evaluate it as such, and then stick with the toxic situation.

Still, there are some emotions and issues from her past that most likely need to be addressed.

[northernlights]

13. turns out it's worse than toxic

I've seen too many situations where one party doesn't want to go into detail because deep down they are the problem. So I tend to stay more neutral until more facts come out.

"I love him/I hate him/he's a jerk/I want us to be friends/he's an asshole" often falls into that category.

But now sc08 has pm'd me and filled in some detail. I believe it's worse than a toxic situation, I fear it's potentially dangerous.

So I'm sending protective energy to her and would ask, if she doesn't mind, that others do as well.

And also want to remind sc08 that she must be her own best friend here, and give herself her best advice on how to keep herself safe.

[stewartcolbert08]

21. You are so awesome!

:yourock:

[stewartcolbert08]

8. LOL WOW

Thank you guys! That is all helpful! If you want the long version of the whole picture let me know and I will pm you. I really appreciate your responses! ;-)

[stewartcolbert08]

9. Unfinished buisness

for myself? I never thought of it that way. That is a really good point!

[Celebration]

4. Even though I know next to nothing about astrology

For a situation like this, I think someone like an astrologer could help. So could a psychologist. So could a numerologist. This is all IF they are good. Really someone just needs a framework for you to understand the situation.

An energetic healing type person could work as well. People can be attracted to toxic situations because they want to "clear" blockages from the past. Unfortunately that rarely works, and they just keep getting bigger and bigger blockages.

Have you heard of emotional freedom technique? It is a way of tapping on acupuncture points while making certain statements. It can help you clear up situations like this. The short way to say it is EFT. There are free instructions on how to do it at www.emofree.com They have stuff to sell there to, but it isn't necessary.

While you are tapping the points, you make up an affirmation. An example might be "Even though I still have attraction for ______, who is toxic for me, I love and completely accept myself." If you can identify certain emotions connected with this then all the better. An example--"Even though my remorse over______ leads to an attraction with the toxic_______, I completely love and accept myself."

A quicky way to do it would be also to use the sign language sign for love, which can also help clear things (in addition to the tapping on acupuncture points, you can use this on all your chakras).

[stewartcolbert08]

10. Thank you

Thank you so much!

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

11. I don't think you need a psychic

as much as someone who can help you heal emotionally. It is important to clarify and address your feelings about this situation, and then release them. There are several ways of doing this, and you should pick the one that feels right to you--because you are seeking emotional relief. One practice is to write down your feelings of hurt, betrayal, etc, and then burn them, symbolically burning the feelings as well. Another is to visualize the emotional ties between yourself and that person, and see yourself cutting those ties. Another is to forgive the person for all they have done, then forgive yourself--and then to be thankful for the lessons the experience has taught you.

Don't expect the pain to go away overnight. The longer your involvement with the person, the more likely it will be to take time to heal.

Hope these ideas help.

[MorningGlow]

14. Been there, SC08

Hi. :hug: Just wanted to chime in to let you know that although I do have psychic tendencies, for me there's no need to tap into them to comment on your situation--mainly because a number of years ago, I went through something quite similar to what you're describing. Briefly: Dude and I seemed meant to be together but it didn't work out. I broke up with him and took the high road--didn't talk about it to anyone else except a couple of trusted best friends--but he whinged to all our mutual friends and made me out to be the bad guy, so they all sided with him and I lost nearly my entire circle of friends. Sound familiar?

Soooo...speaking from experience, I can give you this advice: Even though the psychic readings seemed to show that you and he were meant to be together, that could mean many things. First, psychics don't see time frames the way we do, because technically there is no such thing as time. The psychics may have seen you together now but perhaps you weren't meant to be together forever this time. Or the psychics may have seen you two together sometime later in life. (Sounds like your guy has a lot of growing up to do, so he could be a completely different person later in life, and perhaps you'll meet again then.)

The toughest concept we have to wrap our minds around when it comes to romantic relationships is that we (all humans) tend to perceive romantic relationships as successful ONLY if they become permanent. Soul mates, twin flames, whatever you want to call them. However, although those relationships do exist, there are many more that are meant to last only a short time. This does not make them any less valid.

These short-term relationships are just as important because they have a singular purpose. It works like this: Before you came together, you and this other person, who is a part of your soul group (think an extended group of others who become your family members and friends and lovers in different lifetimes) agreed to experience something together or help one another accomplish a particular task. When you and the other person go through the experience or accomplish the task, your work together is done in this lifetime. At that point, sometimes you have the option to stay together or go your separate ways. Or you must go your separate ways because you have other things that you need to experience without that other person. (This is what happened in the relationship I mentioned: I helped this guy with something in his life, and when it was done, we parted ways.)

Bottom line: You are still stinging from the breakup and aftermath when he behaved poorly. Technically, you are going through the grieving process, which occurs after a relationship ends. That's perfectly natural. You need time to heal from it. You can't speed up that amount of time, but you have to ride it out. Talking with a therapist in the meantime can help, definitely. (There are also psychic therapists out there if you're interested in a bit of both psychiatry and metaphysics mixed together.) Only you can determine whether you need that kind of professional help or not. But whichever way you choose to approach the healing process, you need to know that eventually you will stop hurting about this.

I know what you mean about not being able to let go of the previous relationship even though you're dating a nice guy now--I did the exact same thing. But eventually I stopped caring about the messed-up relationship and started seeing it in perspective--I could recognize the bad parts for what they were and also appreciate the good parts but let them go. I still care about the guy, but I can now see that the relationship wasn't meant to go any farther. And I also now realize that we taught one another a lot, we helped each other out with different tasks, but we weren't supposed to be together because we had different lives to lead. Several years after this guy and I broke up, I met and married my current husband, and I know that that was the correct path to take.

Take the time to heal, SC08. You will. And if you and he are meant to have some sort of relationship in the future in this lifetime, then you'll find one another again. But he's gonna need to do some major maturing first. You deserve to be treated much better. Don't forget that. :hug:

ETA: Missing word.

[stewartcolbert08]

16. OMG

That is so familiar! I really appreciate your encouragment. Regardless, venting about it really helped and I go back and re read journal entries and stuff and I just cant believe that I let this guy hurt me so badly. You are right though and honestly I have had it. I cannot be apart of his games anymore. It feels good to know that other people have felt this way too. Not that I ever doubted it, but sometimes it feels very lonely and very distant from anything else. Thanks again ! :hi:

[Why Syzygy]

15. "meant" to be together..

I'm wondering why you felt a need to consult with three psychics about 'him'. Did you see any that told you otherwise?

In any case, most likely the only thing they could read at that time was the current energy. So, you were "meant" to be together only for that time. Perhaps it was meant to bring you to just such a position where you have to choose the path to self care and nourishment, or the path that follows this guy's journey of self destruction. He sounds self destructive? Sometimes pity feels like "love", and it is really a tender heart for people who are intent on destruction. Not fun. You can keep your feelings but realize with your rational mind that there is no action you can take to bring about results different from the ones he chooses for himself. It sounds like you want to believe you deserve better, but maybe aren't too sure yet. I would hope that no psychic tells you exactly what to do. I'm not aware of any valid way to co-opt someone's free will, from which the future is born. It's your choice.

[stewartcolbert08]

18. Its a good point

that maybe we were just meant to be together at that time. LOL And meant to be and all that sounds so silly and I never really believed in it, it was just kinda like a bonus. LOL I didnt consult anyone about him impaticular, it was just something that my sister and i did for fun like at the state fair and once at a ren festival. It was just strange similarities in the man they saw me with and him. Anyway, thank you!

[southerncrone]

19. You are most likely holding on to "memories".....good memories.

You probably have TIME invested in this POS, as you call him, too. Often we mourn for our lost time, thinking we are "missing" the POS, when in reality we are mourning our wasted time that we cannot get back.

If he is a POS like you say, then why would you want to wallow in THAT? Keep the good memories & MOVE ON! He seems to be acting very childish, with a complete personality change. Perhaps he is involved in drugs or has a psychological problem....either way, you do not need that, either! Don't expect POS to acknowledge that they have any responsibility or faults....they are NOT going to do it! Selfish is selfish, period.

MOVE ON! And be thankful you've found a decent guy.

Remember the old saying: "There are lots of fish in the sea!"

I might recommend reading "Your Erroneous Zone" by Dr. Wayne Dyer. It is a terrific help to getting a handle on your self-esteem & dealing w/toxic people.

Good luck. Human relationships are the most difficult challenges we humans face in our lives.

[stewartcolbert08]

20. Thank you!

I will look into the book and you make valid points! I appreciate it! You are right, right now it feels like I lost alot of time with him and that hurts. The support in this room is awesome! I never knew we had these! LOL thank you! :hi: I am going to make the "selfish is selfish. Period." my new motto! ;-)

[GardeningGal]

12. I noticed that you are in Colorado, but not sure what city.

If you're in Denver and looking for a good bookstore, I will attach the link to the one I like. They have classes and different readers every day if you decide to go that route.

http://www.shininglotus.com/main_page.html

[stewartcolbert08]

17. Thanks

I will have to check it out, I bought a book about dating cops, (supposed to explain alot of stuff) LOL but really all it said was like that their job is not a typical day at the office and I am a dispatcher so I already know most of that stuff LOL. It did open my mind to some other things though and I really appreicate all your suggestions! I am in pueblo/fountain area, I love to go to denver a few times a month just to get away. I like that bookstore The Tattered Cover. Is it still in the 16th street mall area?