Something I've been working on

[FreedomAngel82]

Earlier this evening I was relaxing in the bath tub and just thinking. I've been battling back and forth whether or not to post this and thinking about all I want to say. My guides all tonight encouraged me to post. What have I got to lose? You're all helpful people. :) For as long as I can remember I've always had bad luck. Bad luck with just myself in general, friends, family or whatever. I've been working on healing myself and loving myself more. I do like myself and spending time with myself. I guess I just don't know why other people don't. For as long as I can remember, since I was a little kid, people have always left my side. I would make a friend and start to open up to them and think to myself that maybe I had a friend and then they'd go onto someone more popular and possibly more worthy then me. When I was in the middle of fourth grade my family and I moved across town because my dad got a job offer and it was a lot better than his other job so we had to move across town. I became friends with one girl in the class and we stayed friends throughout high school. I had other friends that was friends with her and then I met some other people and became less shy when I was in seventh/eigth grade because of a guy friend who helped me outcome my shyness. Even at church I became more open to people. Ever since earlier this year I have been trying to heal myself with sending positive energy. Me being a cancer I'm a moon child (I've always been connected to the moon even before I knew what astrology was) and thus means my emotions change all the time and sometimes makes it difficult to live with dealing with other people but I usually am pretty good at keeping my emotions seperate from how I treat people around me. :) So I've been trying to heal myself since earlier this year. I've only done so twice and each time something negative always happened to me instead. First time I had a cd player and a burnt copy of a cd I had stolen and some batteries. Luckily the cd was old and the batteries were almost dead and the cd I could always buy again and stuff. The second time I healed myself I not long afterwards had an argument with someone who was a friend of mine. A confidant and someone I thought who really cared about me as a person but we had an argument and haven't spoken but once since then. So my question is: why does negative things happen when I send myself positive energy? Is it what I'm sending out or what? Thanks in advanced.

[SteppingRazor]

1. My two pennies...

The line in your post I find most interesting is this:

"I would make a friend and start to open up to them and think to myself that maybe I had a friend and then they'd go onto someone more popular and possibly more worthy then me."

You make a point earlier in the post of saying you like yourself, but you seem fairly unconvinced. I guess if I have to answer this in terms of "energy" you're sending yourself, I would say, Are you really certain you are sending yourself positive energy?

From the line I quoted above (and I realize I know very little about you -- this is rather like Senator Frist diagnosing Terri Schiavo from seeing her on a video tape), I think that you may have a lower self-esteem than you realize. That is the most obvious explanation for why you would think that other people are "more worthy" of friendship than you are. So, psychologically, I would say you have a self-esteem issue.

To put this in New Agey terms: have you considered that you only think you're sending yourself positive energy, but that you are really sending yourself negative energy because, deep inside, you think that's what you really deserve?

I don't mean that to be harsh! Just something to think about. OK. Group hug. :grouphug:

[oxbow]

2. It's worth a shot, Angel

try sending yourself energy without judgement, without positive/negative connotations and see what happens.

Much love and good luck!

[Proud_Lefty]

3. What a surprise posting

I've been reading your threads for a while and you seem very in touch with not only political world, but with others you deal with. I love reading these astrology posts and, in these extremely scary times, I get lots of comfort from them, and from you specifically. Whether you realize it or not, you are already putting out a lot of positive energy and people are benefitting from it. Understanding your total worth and feeling comfortable with it is the first step you need to take.

I certainly don't know all the answers, but one thing I realized when I kept having everything turn to crap, no matter what I did, was because I needed to change things in my life and until I acknowledged the need to change something, I was going to keep taking the same blown out road over and over again. I had to really focus on what I was actually doing and change some things before I could move on. Once I did that, the huge roadblock in my life seem to disappear.

In other words, we're all here to learn. Some people have to work hard and struggle to achieve certain things that others can do with total ease. It never seems fair, but the people that work hard for it appreciate and cherish those accomplishments more. It molds who we are. Instead of feeling like life isn't fair and as my children say, IT SUCKS, take the challenges with enthusiasm and determination.

Deep down, you know what type of person you want to be. Work towards being that person, keep the positive energy flowing, avoid ego, and it will all fall into place for you. Patience is also a virtue you need since it doesn't happen right away.

[FreedomAngel82]

4. Thanks for all the replies

:grouphug: I guess I haven't been working on sending myself positive energy for very long so I know patience is a hard thing for me, but it's something I'm working on. My guides have tried telling me that people leaving isn't my fault. Sometimes people aren't meant to stay in our life forever. I'll definitley do the suggestion's. Just to send myself energy in general.

[Proud_Lefty]

5. Having a lot of people around is not always good

I used to spend a lot of time focusing on how to appeal to a lot of people, making lots of friends, and keeping them. After a while, I realized not everyone will like me, I won't like everyone, and a lot of people can pull you down if you're not careful. Just be the best person you can be comfortable with and appreciate the people who already appreciate you as you are. If they can't acknowledge your values, it's normally not worth your energy.

[oxbow]

6. You know we here love you, Angel

I have the same problems as you with acceptance and it bothering me when people don't like me. I wish there was an easy answer for it, like "learn to love yourself" or "don't let other people's opinions affect how you feel." Those things are all easier said than done though, and I'm sure you know that. Just know that many here consider you an amazing person and a very positive presence. I can tell you that I am in awe of your ability to do Reiki with no formal training or even attunements. That level of ability must be heaven-sent in my view.

I will also pass on some good advice given to me by my teacher:

Allow yourself love,
allow yourself miracles,
and bless yourself daily.
Physically bless yourself that you may get what you need to realize your potential.

[FreedomAngel82]

10. Speaking of

the reiki I just started doing that one day and I've had it work for other people. I know I'm an old soul who has been around for centuries and years so sometimes I guess this world just gets tiring and draining.
All I know to do is keep sending positive energy and all that. :hug:

[Quakerfriend]

7. Ah Angel, you exude such a lovely energy here @ DU

I will meditate on seeing that same energy return to you a thousand fold.

Have you ever tried writing down on a piece of paper the things and conditions you want to see in your life (including good luck, of course!)??

If I do this and repeat the affirmations several times during the day, this really works.

I always thoroughly enjoy your posts/comments! You are unusually open and seem so very gentle and kind. And, I have always been so impressed with your honesty and introspection.

Please, let me know, if you decide to try some affirmations, how things work out!

[Desertrose]

8. hey Freedom Angel....an early birthday hug for ya

Its my own '82 angel's b-day today and made me think of you....

Happy early birthday! :party:

Please know that you don't have to prove anything to anyone or be anything other than who you are right at this moment. It is sad that so many of us think we have to be more than we are to be loved or to gain approval and acceptance.

I think you are a very special & sensitive young/old soul....with amazing talents and skills. I hope that you will be able to see and accept this truth about yourself.

Just keep telling yourself you deserve the best in all things and then act as if you believeit. Know that whatever happens is ultimately for your highest good and that it will take you on the path that is right & perfect for you.....and that *you* can not only handle but grow and thrive on whatever Spirit sends your way.

:hug::grouphug::hug
DR

[FreedomAngel82]

9. Thanks for all the replies

:grouphug: I know I'm on the right path I believe. I have dejavu a lot.
Especially lately. :shrug: Sometimes I think things are hard though because of stuff. I do write things out in my journal and pray and things like that. I also do songwriting and that helps a lot. Thanks for the early bday message. :)