Psychic predictions for 2008..not QUITE on the spot

[TZ]

I found this in the Lounge and thought you all would get a nice ROFL from it...

Here's the best of the best:
So, what does Cassadega's psychic industry foresee in 2008?

For the economy…

Good news, from Reverend Dawn Cassaday, a clairvoyant and clairaudient.

"I feel that the economy could actually be turning around in a very positive direction. I feel a great strengthening of the stock market," Cassaday told Geist.

And good news from tarot card reader Matthew Greene, "So probably around April, May, I feel as though you're going to see the crunch start coming up and lifting."

What do they predict for the presidential election?

"I think it will be Hillary," predicted Jamie Tolaver Ruiz. "And I'm not saying that that's my choice. But I do feel that Hillary will be the one."

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/12/30/sunday/geist/main3656904.shtml

:rofl:

[cosmik debris]

1. A bad time for small appliances.

"Yes," she told him. This is an astrology vibration right now. Mars is in retrograde…as these planets begin to start to turn and go backwards, that sometimes…it affects the energy of the earth and the energy of the earth affects small appliances, large appliances. And so you'll find that. And that'll be an affect probably until the middle of January."

Thanks for posting that. I needed a good laugh.

Edit: don't forget to read the comments below the article.

[muriel_volestrangler]

4. What - you mean my toaster going on the fritz wasn't a poltergeist?

Damn, and I paid for an exorcism and everything. :banghead:

Another spot-on prediction:

"I don't feel like we're going to have a big hurricane season this year," said Dr. Rob. "What I feel this coming year, there will be a lot of earthquakes this year. And of course with earthquakes come tsunamis."

And then:

"Good year for you and your cat," predicted Jamie Tolaver Ruiz.

I fear for his poor moggie, given their success rate.

[LeftishBrit]

5. I think that the prediction of having trouble with small appliances...

is going to be accurate most of the time! At least in my experience.

[regularguy]

2. "I predict less obesity" (without the hassle of diet or exercise of coruse)

===========================================================================================
I predict less obesity," said Tolaver Ruiz. "You need to stop saying, "I want to lose 10 pounds." You want to say, "I've lost 10 pounds already," as if it has already happened."

"And you say that, and it will be so?" asked Geist.

"If you really believe it," she said
==========================================================================================

Oh brother..............

[LeftishBrit]

6. 'I've lost ten pounds already!"

Well, I WISH I had.

[regularguy]

10. Stop buying into the hegemony of linear narratives. Duh!

[trotsky]

3. Bill Geist is hilarious.

I love his segments on Sunday Morning. (One of those shows I despised as a kid, but like now.)

That "lose 10 lbs" bit is totally in line with the latest woo of "visualizing" what you want and getting it. Like a certain disruptor in here who blames sick people for being sick because they just didn't imagine themselves well.

[onager]

7. Heckuva job, Brownie!

OK, after your post, I couldn't resist a quick trip to see what the Jabber-Wack, Sylvia Browne, predicted for us in 2008-09:

I predict the President elected sometime after 2008 will die in office from a heart attack.

"Sometime after 2008?" That's nice and precise. Just remember, if the President dies of a heart attack in 2061, you heard it here first.

In 2008, I predict doctor's offices will have a high-tech "aura scanner" for patients that come to see them. This will be a highly developed version of an MRI. A patient will stand on a rotating disc and an infrared light will scan the body looking at their aura.

Shouldn't that be "offices of doctors who want to lose their licenses?" Or...alt-med practicioners, I guess. And why did the word "quantum" not appear in that description?

I predict we can truly say "goodbye" to the common cold in 2009 or 2010...a small cubicle will become available in doctor's offices sometime in 2009 and it will be heated to a very precise temperature. There may be a special vapor placed into the cubicle. Patients will stand in the cubicle for approximately five minutes and the rhinitis germ will be destroyed.

...since this cubicle can easily take on the rhinitis germ, many people that have breathing problems with allergies and asthma complications will find some breakthroughs as well. We will see this cubicle discovery used for healing for those with breathing disorders. The cubicle will become available in 2009 or 2010.

Our resident medical experts will have to clue me in on the Great Cubicle Discovery. If I only had as much medical and scientific knowledge as Sylvia, dammit...

I predict hypnotic past-life regression will become available through a group of trained psychologists on both the east and west coasts of the U.S.A. in 2009. It will prove to be quite a success and will be widely practiced by 2011.

It's already quite a success, among the gullible.

http://www.spiritnow.com/article/psychics/sylvia_brownes_predictions_for_2008__2009__67

[TZ]

8. rhinitis germ? BWAHAHAHA!

Umm shouldn't a psychic know the real term for what she's predicting..its rhinovirus....
I predict that Sylvia Browne will never ever get an MD......:rofl:

[JitterbugPerfume]

9. whoops!

[FM Arouet666]

11. Psychics are just so much fun

Hate to take a cheap shot at Bill Clinton but I think that this psychic is off by a few administrations.


"I do feel female energy coming into the White House," agreed Greene.

Bad gutter mind of mine. ;)

[Q3JR4]

12. My grandfather does this.

He brought an article to me talking about how the world was going to come to an end in 2012. I read it, handed it back to him, and calmly said, "I see. Like the world came to an end in 2006, 2004, 2002, 2000, 1999, 1996 and 1990? I remember those predictions too."

For some reason he's stopped showering me with woo. Wonder why that is?

Q3JR4.