Study Finds No Logical Reason Why Planes Fly

[Pale Blue Dot]

PALO ALTO, CA—According to a recent study conducted by a team of physicists at Stanford University, there is no logical explanation why airplanes are able to fly through the air. "We understand the concepts of 'lift' and 'thrust,' but airplanes weigh like 800,000 pounds," head researcher Gabe Koplowitz said. "How does a huge metal tube just float up there in the sky without falling? And it's not even 'floating,' really, even though it looks like it is, because it's going 500 mph. Which means that when I'm sitting in an airplane, I'm actually going 500 mph, too. Me, Gabe Koplowitz. Jesus, how come we all don't vomit or have our hair blow back?" The study posited a number of potential theories to explain the phenomenon, including wind propulsion, suspension of gravity, and the possibility that clouds "pull" the plane skyward. The Stanford team plans to devote the next two years to a new study on why telephones hear.

http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/study_finds_no_logical?utm_source=onion_rss_daily

[TZ]

1. !

Once again the Onion gets it just right! Its so funny because in some ways...its so true!
Besides, I don't believe planes actually exist they are all holograms and those who have actually flown..why thats just a figment of their imagination....:rofl:

[onager]

2. And when the clouds don't suck hard enough...

...you get the fascinating National Geographic TV show Air Crash Investigation. I'm hopelessly addicted to it. Last month I was watching it the night before I flew to Hungary. On EgyptAir--subject of 2 A.C.I. shows, so far...

One of the most amazing cases was a bizarre incident with a BritAir BAC 1-11 aircraft. From Wikipedia:

On 10 June 1990, British Airways Flight 5390's cockpit window blew out at altitude after the wrong bolts had been used to secure it. Captain Tim Lancaster was blown half out of the cockpit by the pressure differential; members of the cabin crew clung to his legs to keep him from being blown out of the aircraft. The plane made an emergency landing at Southampton Airport. The pilot survived, as did all the crew and passengers.

Amazing. As it turned out, the windscreen was replaced by an experienced technician. Maybe TOO experienced. He didn't bother consulting the technical manual, and he selected the replacement bolts from a bin by eye. The new bolts looked the same, being the identical length of the old bolts. But they were a slightly smaller diameter. Whoops...

Travel Tip: wanna keep borons from annoying you on long plane flights? Always travel with a copy of Air Disasters--Volume 1, 2 or 3 by MacArthur Job. Or any book on atheism.

:evilgrin:

[Orrex]

3. I've always assumed that chemtrails are some sort of lifting agent

It's only logical, after all.