Just for fun...and just a little mocking...

[SpookyCat]

Ok...brace yourself for the Grand Poobah of Stupid. So bad I wasn't sure it this was the Onion or not. So bad I think it gave me cancer.


Safety Warning: Side effects of reading (and trying to make sense of ) this page may include:

Bleeding Eye Syndrome
Spontaneous Brain Hemorrhage
Spasmodic Screaming Meemies

...and a desire to scoop some dog crap into a test tube, call it "Mother Earth Medicine" and sell it to idiots for $49.95.

http://www.quantumbalancing.com/stirwand.htm

Enjoy! :rofl:

[cosmik debris]

1. No wonder it's great, it has "vortex patterned energy"

Test #4 Stir an 8 oz glass of good quality water for 20 seconds with a Zen Master. Hold the glass of water under the nose and chin area for 30 seconds. Be alert for anomalous phenomena. Hold your palm (not fingers) 1/4 to ½ inch over the top of the glass for an additional 30 seconds. Again, be alert for anomalous phenomena.

Typical results of this test: For those sensitive to subtle energies, these tests will illustrate that the water has a remarkable amount of what appears to be radiant heat and/or vortex patterned energy emanating from it.

[onager]

2. It's the plot of the next M. Night Charlatan movie!

"The water is attacking us! Run! A-i-e-e-e....!"

Thank you. This is too funny. I love this part...

Using it in every ounce of water you drink will save 30% of the water you drink because you’ll be absorbing 30% more, and disposing of less plastic so you’ll help the environment, too.

And what are Starwands made of?

Stirwands™ are made of rock minerals encased in surgical-grade polymers.

"Polymers" is usually just another word for "plastics." Hmmm. That reminds me of a thread from a few days ago, when some environmentally-minded DU'er said if we absolutely HAD to drive cars, we should all be driving something like the Renault 2CV--a car made by the French equivalent of GM, in plants running on safe, clean-and-green...uh...nuclear power.

BTW, if you Google "surgical-grade polymers," your first few hits will lead you right back to the Starwand page. Then to a New Jersey plastics company which uses the term to describe its surgical gloves.

[mr blur]

3. "It's likely to outlast you if you don't lose it or microwave it"

Can't say fairer than that!

Plus, it's got "Quantum" in the name of the website so it must be genuine.

[muriel_volestrangler]

4. "an average increase in hydration of 466%"!

I'm just imagining a globe of water with a little arm sticking out, barely able to raise the glass of Stirwands™-activated water to its lips any more.

Holy fuck, I don't think I've ever seen such a transparent con job before in my life.

[Dr. Strange]

5. As an added bonus...

if you pee on it, it will tell you if you're pregnant.

[conscious evolution]

6. I used to sell stir sticks

Actually,we called them swizzle sticks and they came free with the drinks we sold.

Holy shit.This deserves a good mocking.