Anyone have any Black Salve?

[realisticphish]

So, if you are on my Facebook, you already know this, but I just had surgery on my arm for cancer.

This summer, I was diagnosed with malignant melanoma on my arm. I had been eyeing the spot for a while, and went to have a biopsy.

It came back positive for aggressive malignant melanoma. So, I went to my nearest herbalist and bought homeopathic swan semen.

Wait, no, I went to the James Cancer Hospital at Ohio State. Though in our wonderful patriotic free-market health care system, it took me 6 weeks to get an appointment. That six weeks was not very pleasant, though I only told a few people. I didn't want to worry my family and friends.

I go into the office, and the dermatologist asked if my GP had talked to me about it. I said not really, and she proceeded to explain that the melanoma wasn't all the way through the skin, and thus had zero chance of spreading. The biopsy got the whole thing, but they were going to do a tissue removal around it just to make sure. If my GP knew how shallow it was, and DIDN'T tell me I'm going to kick his ass.

So, they did the surgery yesterday. Now, I have no cancer, and the only price is a 4 inch scar, an arm that looks like they took a bite out of it (and the skin may take a year to stretch back to normal), and a shitload of aching. Small price to pay, IMHO

Yet another victim of a cold, surgical violation of my balanced natural tissue

[Heddi]

1. Wow! Thank goodness the Salve was your "Salve"ation

ha ha ha. Get it? That was a clever pun on my part!

Can you imagine what would have happened if you had relied on "Western" "Medicine" "$$$" to fix your problem? "they" would have given you needless chemotherapy and probably even given you ANTI-DEPRE$$ANT$ that you don't need BUT THEY NEED THE $$ from.

Sheesh!

And, there is no, proof, that anything other than BOAR PENIS can "fix" cancer. Oh and btw, I should mention, that cancer, is a manifestation, of negativity, in you. So start BEING POSITIVE!!!11! Because we'll know if your not positive because YOUR CANCER WILL COME BACK! How's that for EPIDEMOLIOGICAL STUDIES!?!?!

Well, sending healing vibes your way
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

And isn't that Swan Semen just the bees knees? I gargle nightly and you know what? I swear by it! It cured my impetigo AND cut down my excess flatulence by at least 14%! Thank goodness THAT isn't pattented! Then we'd never GET TO USE IT!!!11!

**and of course, congratulations on your successful surgery and I'm glad everything is working out> That had to be a tremendously stressful thing to go through, and I'm glad it seems that they got it nipped in the bud! GO SALVE! :D

[Orrex]

2. Maybe Al Jolson has some you can borrow

What a terrific story--I'm so glad that you came through it (comparatively) easily.

That sucks about having to wait six weeks. According to everything I've heard in the media, the US has the best healthcare in the world, and it's affordable and available on demand, as opposed to the evil socialist medicine you might get in, say, Kanada.

[TZ]

3. What? You didn't take vitamin D? Sit out in the sun?

Because you know the sun is sooo healthy and couldn't possibly cause cancer! You must not have had enough of a base tan! Just out of curiosity was the melanoma on your left arm ?(the one people usually stick out while driving...)
I'm glad you are okay.

Edit: I totally understand the whole waiting thing making you anxious...My first visit to Mayo (when I was worrying about cancer/myeloma) I had to wait for about 3.5 weeks. Which is not nearly as bad as 6 weeks... :hug:

[realisticphish]

7. right arm

and i have no idea why. I HATE the sun. I never go out in it. But I suppose that means I just wear sunscreen less often (which now I wear anytime I go outside during the day

[onager]

4. Here's the ONLY homeopathic cancer cure! It's even on U-Tube!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gc-IBgFcsuE

:wow:

Searching on "homeopathic cancer cure" brings up lotsa links, but most are dead. Happily.

If this doesn't work, I recommend mixing the swan semen with Dapper Dan pomade. It cures anything.

Just don't use Fop pomade, it could react with the semen and causes the cancer to spread. Then you'll need to hire a Real Psychic (tm) to kill a goat, which is much slower and more expensive.

I'm glad you have good news from your procedure. Thanks for letting us know. It's good to read about medical questions without wading thru a lot of nonsense. Which is necessary in SOME forums. Coough...

[lizerdbits]

5. Glad you are cancer free

even though if you would have just prayed and had enough positive thoughts you could have made it disappear on your own. :sarcasm:

My dad had some melanoma removed from his nose with a big chunk of surrounding tissue removed. I saw him change the bandage once and it looked horribly painful.

[realisticphish]

6. the worst part

is just the stretched feeling. they removed a piece of skin about 4 inches long, 1 inch wide at the widest, so the skin is really stretched to cover the gap

[DavidDvorkin]

8. Have you had your subluxation seen to?

That was probably the underlying cause. Chiropractic is the answer.

[LeftishBrit]

9. Glad you're fine!

I just looked up black salve, and can't imagine why anyone would want to use that stuff! Much worse than a normal operation.

May your chakra never fade from indigo...

[realisticphish]

10. no kidding

don't do that surgery, with clean instruments and local anesthetic. BURN YOUR SKIN WITH A HIGHLY CORROSIVE PASTE