RPG Cliches

[Chovexani]

Post your favorite (or not) ones.

-The Child Neglect Quest: Little Timmy wandered off (usually to a Dark Cave), and got lost, and you have to go find him. I think this quest was found in prehistoric caveman drawings.

-The Lord Vader Rule: Guns always do less damage than swords. Guns also never need ammo.

-The Doubting Thomas Rule: If, in the Coalition of Do-Gooders, there is someone who doubts the Hero is the Savior of the World (or other some-such prophecy), that someone always ends up either becoming the Big Bad or working for him/her/it. Sometimes this person was a mole all along.

-The Chu Chu Rule: There is always a cutesy character, usually some kind of anthropomorphic animal type, that is totally fucking useless in combat. This character also has no use in the plot either, unless it's as comic relief.

-The Self-Help Booklet Rule: Before the showdown with the Big Bad, the heroes will always given an impassioned speech about why they are fighting. Love, "finding themselves", and "settling their pasts" are commonly stated reasons. The rule gets its name from Final Fantasy 6's Kefka, who totally mocked this practice.

-And my absolute favorite, the Zeromus Rule (or, Sorry! The Villain is in Another Castle!): the Big Bad is never who you think it is; the REAL Big Bad was using/manipulating the Small Bad. You find this out five minutes before the end of the game.

Okay your turn. ;)

[NewHampshireDem]

1. Wait! The bad guy was really ....

YOU ALL ALONG!

Muhahahahahah!

I don't want to ruin any games that others may not have played, but I'm sure you know which ones I'm talking about ... Black Isle studios, I'm looking at you!

[Squeegee]

22. I loved that game

... though it did get a little "talky" at times.

[sans qualia]

2. More

The Spider Strength Rule: There exists no correlation between physical size and physical strength.

The Blinded by Mammon Rule: The monetary reward offered for a given quest is always a mere pittance compared to the monetary value of the character's equipment at the time; however, you are expected to be excited about it anyway.

The Opposites Attract Corollary to the Doubting Thomas Rule: Sometimes, just sometimes, the doubter ends up being a romantic interest. S/he may or may not still work for/be the bad guy.

The Flat Earth Rule: Even though the obstacle before you is two feet tall, you may not jump over it. So stop trying.

The First Ones Rule: Old means powerful. Old never means bedridden, arthritis-stricken or osteoporitic. Old things do need their sleep, however, hence the tendency of ancient evils to spontaneously awaken.

[Chovexani]

7. The Spider Strength Rule cracks me up

You see that a lot in anime too. I love it because it's almost always an adorable little girl that's the super bad ass. Chrono Cross & Sakura Taisen are especially silly with that. I loved how Marcy, the little girl with the frilly dress, was the most bad ass of the Acacian dragoons. :P

Don't get me started on Cactuars...or the killer bunnies in FF7 (where's a Holy Hand Grenade when you need one?!)

[7th_Sephiroth]

3. several more

the suprise villan (A,K,A, the necron rule): the real puppeteer appears seconds after defeating the precieved final enemy

Orphan's Law: no playable charater can have more than one parent

the lolicon law A.K.A. addendum to the chu chu rule A.K.A. Eiko's law: there will allways be a teen/preteen female charater who falls in love with the hero, despite age differences

The Mysterious loner: weather it be Abbriev to Vincent, there will be a dark loner skilled assasin to join the party

the way out of place rule: there will allways be a super modern city and gunman despite the whole planet being in the middle ages

the unbalanced rule: the later enemies and bosses will have far more than 9999 HP but you are stuck at that limit and you can only do that much damage

the WTF was that rule: there will be a cute little bunny or other creature at level 99 with and attack strength of 999

[NewHampshireDem]

8. The corollary to the Orphan's Law must be "The Uncle's Law"

Since it always seems they're shoved off on some Uncle after father is horribly killed by the superbad, thus beginning the quest for revenge ...

[Streetdoc270]

4. one important one

The Inverse Armor Rule: The busty female character with the least clothing has the same AC as a full-plate equipped fighter

[TroubleMan]

5. Here's a big list:

http://project-apollo.net/text/rpg.html

Goldum posted this list before.

My favorite probably is:

Adam Smith's Corollary
No matter how thoroughly devastated the continent/planet/universe is, there's always some shopkeeper who survived the end of the world and sits outside the gates of the villain's castle, selling the most powerful equipment in the game, like nothing ever happened.

and this one:

Selective Paralysis
Your characters must always keep both feet on the ground and will be unable to climb over low rock ledges, railings, chairs, cats, slightly differently-colored ground, or any other trivial objects which may happen to be in their way. Note that this condition will not prevent your characters from jumping from railroad car to railroad car later in the game.

[Chovexani]

6. I remember that list

I have it saved somewhere. It's hilarious.

I love the Adam Smith's Corollary. My favorite instance of that was in Secret of Mana. Neko must have been a bad ass cat 'cause you found him damn near everywhere, no matter how dangerous the place was. My other favorite one was in FFX, if you've given O'aka money then his brother Wantz will show up in the middle of Mount Gagazet to sell you stuff. It's especially funny because as you climb the mountain, you see all these graves of dead summoners and guardians...but this pansy merchant boy managed to somehow make it nearly to the summit. :P

[ZenLefty]

9. george w. bush Geography Simplification Initiative

george w. bush Geography Simplification Initiative

Every country in the world will have exactly one town in it, except for the country you start out in, which will have three.

:P

[Chovexani]

10. LOL

Sci-Fi Corollary: Every planet no matter how big will have exactly one country/town on it. :P

[7th_Sephiroth]

11. international bank rule

no matter what, your gill will be accepted everywhere, even alternate universes, dimensions, plantets, and hell

[Chovexani]

13. Oh I love that shit.

Cutthroat Capitalist's Corollary:

The heroes are forced to buy their equipment and items, even though they are ostensibly on a quest to Save the World. They don't even get a discount, unless they've somehow done a favor for the merchant.

I *heart* the one-liner Final Fantasy X's Rin came up with in order to justify it when Tidus complained about it before the Evrae fight.

"I have complete confidence in your victory."

God, I love Rin.

[NewHampshireDem]

12. You can fight just as well as carrying nothing when you have

half a dozen swords
three suits of armor
40 health and mana potions
30000000 pieces of gold ....

You get the idea :)

Oh yeah ... if you're a thief, even though you can't wear armor because it will interfere with your ability to 'sneak,' you can carry all of the above while successfully sneaking up behind an orc to slit his throat. :evilgrin:

[Chovexani]

14. D&D 2E had an encumberance rule to deal with that

Not that anyone I knew ever actually used it outside of tourneys, self included. It cracks me up all the time in video games, though.

Speaking of loot here's another one I like to call the Goblins Have Mortgages, Too Rule:

Monsters almost always carry gold/gil/zinny/gems/cash, despite having no visible need or desire for it, so our heroes never actually have to make an honest living. (Have I mentioned I how much I love FF8 yet today?) Monsters in remote wildernesses always carry loads more money than monsters near large cities, despite there being a distinct lack of travellers to waylay for said money. Which brings me to another rule...

The Mayberry Goldmine Rule: The hick town in the middle of nowhere (shanty town in the arctic wilderness, nomad camp in the desert, etc.) will always have weapons and armor for sale that are vastly superior to those found in the one bustling metropolis in the world.

It will never not be funny that fucking cavepeople in 65,000,000 BC have better weapons than people living in 1000 AD Guardia. Or that the hicks in Gongaga or Icicle Inn (!) somehow have mastered smithing techniques far beyond the ken of the good people of Midgar. How I love thee, silly video games! :D

[NewHampshireDem]

15. lol

Speaking of loot here's another one I like to call the Goblins Have Mortgages, Too Rule:

Monsters almost always carry gold/gil/zinny/gems/cash, despite having no visible need or desire for it, so our heroes never actually have to make an honest living. (Have I mentioned I how much I love FF8 yet today?) Monsters in remote wildernesses always carry loads more money than monsters near large cities, despite there being a distinct lack of travellers to waylay for said money. Which brings me to another rule...

I love when you kill some non-humanoid, non-intelligent monster in a game (like a spider or giant slug) and they throw off gold. I guess we just have to extend our willing suspension of disbelief a tad farther. :)

[7th_Sephiroth]

16. i can explain that

the Shin-Ra Inc auto-poacher has become such a household object, its never mentioned, its a small cube, i inch by 1 inch that can be carried in the pocket, when placed ona dead monster, it breaks it down to its base components and hides, and other useable parts, sells them into the open market, and credits your gil account

[7th_Sephiroth]

17. the bum's rule

NO ONE but (some of) your hero's own houses, every one just wanders around aimlessly

Addendum to the international bank rule, despit there being universal currency, there is no mint,, no matter where you look, you will never find where your money is minted

[NewHampshireDem]

18. Gothic is the only game I've ever played where that was not the case

In Gothic, if you went into NPCs' huts, they beat the crap out of you and took your gold! It was also one the the very few games where NPCs slept, eat, and did something during the day--and night--other than just stand there waiting for you to talk to them.

[Chovexani]

19. Whoa I need to play that game

PC game, I presume?

[NewHampshireDem]

20. Yes, PC

It's widely considered one of the best RPG's out there, but for some reason it didn't do well commerically. You can find copies of both Gothic and Gothic II for under $15. I definately recommend it.

[Chovexani]

21. Thanks!

I usually don't get to play as many PC games as I'd like unless I see them in the bargain bin, mainly 'cause most of my money gets blown on console stuff. That sounds like it's about my price range. ;)

[Kellanved]

23. Yup, a PC Kraut-RPG

Pretty hard to get into, but excellent after they get going. It really hurt the games that it took too long for them to get published stateside (and AFAIR the translation isn't too great either).

Another downside: Gothic II got re-published with more quests and fewer bugs. To my knowledge, that version won't make it to the English markets.

[TrogL]

25. Lots of action in City of Heroes

Bystanders are always running around doing stuff. Never anything useful but certainly lots of running.

Running, running, running.

Why the [moderated] is everybody running all the time?

[HawkerHurricane]

27. Bystanders are usually running away from villians.

Of course, in City of Heroes (CoH), the real people to watch out for are women... In every one of the non-hazard zones, there are villians attempting to steal purses from women... and no matter how long you watch, the bad guys never seem to be able to get the purses away from thier intended victims UNTIL a hero intervenes. Power level of the villian does not matter, that lady is keeping her purse. I've seen women hold off everything from level 1 thugs to level 25 bosses...

[NEOBuckeye]

24. Here's a few that I've found...

The Palom & Porom Rule -- When characters willingly sacrifice their lives for a cause, there is no item or spell in the heroes' possession that will bring them back to life. They are simply "frozen" in time, or else dead and gone. (Never mind the fact that you just cured/resurrected them six times in the battle just prior to the event, although this can be sometimes explained away by the fact that characters aren't actually slain in battle, but rather "KOed" or "Swooned".)

The "Villain" in Your Party Rule -- There will usually be one total badass, fully-stocked character who joins the party, or at minimum fights on the "heroes side" for a few battles, just long enough to leave the player in total awe of their awesome abilities. This character sometimes begins as an enemy, who later becomes an ally, or else they begin as an ally, who goes on to later become an arch nemesis.

The Golbez/Beatrix Corollary -- If a one-time villian joins or otherwise fights on the heroes' side after having previously engaged the heroes in a battle, he or she will always sustain some varying degree of reduction in his or her power and/or abilities in relation to the power/abilities he/she wielded while battling the heroes.

The "Chosen Ones" Rule -- Whatever doom and destruction that plagues the world in any particular story may level entire cities, totally decimate the world's population and lay ruin to the planet itself, but it will never claim the life of one individual who legitimately counts himself/herself among the chosen heroes, even if they are standing right in the middle of the destruction when it occurs.

[AmandaRuth]

26. And don't forget the 'You're Good Guy Is A Bad Guy'

One of my personal favs.

MiniAmandaRuth