Autism's Parent Trap--NYT

[Demeter]

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/06/05/opinion/05mcgovern.html?pagewanted=print


June 5, 2006
Op-Ed Contributor
Autism's Parent Trap

By CAMMIE McGOVERN

IN recent weeks, three stories have hit the news with grimly similar plotlines: parents accused of killing their autistic children.

On April 12, in Hull, England, Alison Davies and her 12-year-old son, Ryan, fell to their deaths from a bridge over the River Humber, in an apparent murder-suicide. (A note was found in Ms. Davies's kitchen.) On May 14, in Albany, Ore., Christopher DeGroot, 19, was trapped inside a burning apartment. He died in a Portland hospital five days later, and his parents are charged with murder, accused of locking their son in the apartment alone. And on the same May Sunday, in Morton, Ill., Dr. Karen McCarron admitted to the police that she had, the day before, suffocated her 3-year-old daughter, Katherine, with a plastic garbage bag.

A friend of Dr. McCarron's — a fellow member of her local autism-support group — told a columnist for The Journal Star of Peoria, Ill., that Dr. McCarron had devoted her life to Katherine. "She never took a night off," the friend said. "She read every book. She was trying so hard, pursuing every lead."

Chilling words to any parent of a child with autism who remembers, as I do, reading every book, pursuing every lead and never taking a night off — because autism feels like a war you re-arm yourself nightly to wage. The comments suggest the parents may have been trying too hard. Perhaps they were frustrated that their efforts did not lead to greater improvement in their children. That would not be surprising, because dramatic improvement is what too many parents are led to expect.
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Cammie McGovern is the author of "Eye Contact," a novel.


As my daughter is now 23, I can safely say there are no miracles,just a lot of hard work, broken dishes and walls, daily or hourly lessons in patience, and need for support throughout the life cycle. You have to believe you are making a difference somehow, because there is no validation or thanks, not even from your child.

[cspanlovr]

1. This is an excellent article.

My son is 18, but I'm amazed we both made it past his 8th birthday. I drove myself to the breaking point every day. Susan Smith had just murdered her children, and I remember having great sympathy for her. I knew how she felt. I felt that way myself more than once.