Is 12 too old to start homeschooling?

[Duer 157099]

I've just about had it with our public schools, and I want to take control of my son's education.

He's been in public school his whole life, and he will be going into 7th grade this fall.

Is this a bad time to start? He's not very socially active, not into any of the sports or extracurricular things that the school might offer.

Is this a good/bad grade to test the waters -- and if it fails, would it be difficult for him to re-enter in 8th?

Any input appreciated.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

1. Have you talked with him about it?

12 is a good age to start talking with him about options. How does he feel about his current school? Is he willing to take initiative to start learning on his own? Are there activities he'd enjoy that would help him find a group of like-minded friends?

These are some of the questions you might ask while discussing your concerns about his present situation and possible drawbacks to homeschooling. I think at that age, it's important for a kid to recognize that he is as involved in his education as his parents and teachers...whether he stays in public school or not.

[Duer 157099]

4. I've mentioned it several times

and depending on what's happening that day, he's either for it or against it.

But we haven't had an in-depth real conversation about it yet. I will this weekend -- school just ended yesterday.

Thanks for your input!

[mzteris]

2. It's never too late.

:)

What is it - exactly - you've "had it" with?

What is it you "want to take control" of?

Talk it over with him. Ask him what he wants. Ask him how he envisions the *perfect school* - or rather NOT school - but how he wants to learn. How he learns best. What he wants to study.

He - and you - will probably need a bit more time "deschooling" - than most as it's been totally inculcated in you both.

Don't try to duplicate "school at home".

Don't rush out and "buy a curriculum".

Relax. Rediscover what learning really is (pssst - it's NOT memorizing stuff for a test.)

IF you're definitely planning on his returning to school - you can get a copy of the state standards for 7th graders - and design your own program loosely following what they will cover.

Most of "Middle school" is repetition anyway. And IMHO - every middleschooler should be hs'ed. Middleschools are dens of inquity! :rofl: sorry - but they are pretty socially brutal for even the socially deft - and for a kid who's "not very socially active" - well - avoiding it altogether is probably a good thing.

Find a local support group, too. They are a tremendous help in getting started, knowing your state requirements, where all the hs "stuff" is, and a way for him to meet other hs'ers. He may be "not very socially active" for a REASON - he's not met any true peers. If he's a bit *quirky*, an out of the box thinker, bright, LD, (or combination thereof), or just "different" - he'll be more likely to find others like him - and/or more tolerant of WHO HE IS - than he will in a PS system designed to turn out little clones.

Hs'ers are NOT about it being a popularity contest or who's wearing the coolest new shoes. It's about being yourself and accepting others for who they are. (I'm talking the liberal types here, though except for the radical RW'ers, that even applies to many of the religious hs'ers I know.)

Feel free to ask questions on here. There are plenty of LIBERAL hs'ers on DU even though we don't seem to post much.

[Duer 157099]

3. Thank you for the encouragement!

Oh, where to begin...

He's one of those kids who *hates* school. He's not motivated and he's not especially intellectually curious, and that's what bothers me the most. The schools are so focused on the STAR testing that everything else falls by the wayside. He's learning how to take tests, period. When I try to help him with his homework, he really doesn't like it (and this is my main concern with me trying to homeschool him) because I approach the homework from an angle of him understanding the *whys* of what he's doing, and give him a lot of background info to make sure he understands the context -- and he just wants to get to the answer and move on to the next question. It's gotten so that he barely lets me help him with homework at all, and his grades have suffered dearly for that. I want to rewire the way he thinks about learning, because obviously this isn't going to happen unless there's a radical change to how he's taught.

I agree that middle school is a very risky place for kids these days, and he's very prone to peer pressure. That's another factor, and I wouldn't rank it so high if he were involved in some healthy social interactions at school, but he's not. So from my perspective, he wouldn't be missing out on anything worthwhile.

I will have a discussion with him this weekend about it.

If we go for it, I'll be posting in this group alot! :)

[mzteris]

5. "he just wants to get to the answer

and move on to the next question."

Because that's what they're teaching him. Just answer the question on the test and move on. YOu don't have to understand how or why - just memorize it.

Not to be nosy (and in fact you don't have to answer here but just think about it) - has he always been like this? Was he ever curious as a child? Has he ever had a *passion* for a subject? What changed and when (if ever it did)? Are there particular subjects he enjoys? Does he prefer to read to learn, to see, or to do?

Ok - there ARE people who are naturally *incurious* and are strictly fact-based oriented (Read Mel Levine's "The Myth of Laziness" for more info on the types of differences some have.)


**When I try to help him with his homework, he really doesn't like it (and this is my main concern with me trying to homeschool him)**

This is why I mentioned "deschooling". Let him understand that it's no longer about the *test*. Let him relax and relearn the joy of discovery. There is no "wrong" way - only finding the way that is *right* for him."

I tell people *I* don't teach my son. I'm his facilitator. We decide together *what* should be his "next" course of study. Then we go looking for resources. Is it a textbook? Video lectures? Projects? What tv shows, museums, workshops, field trips, extra-curricular activities can supplement said course of study? I may have to nudge him now and again, and help set out some parameters, but he pretty much does his "own work". If he has a question, or needs greater detail - we go over it. We go looking for it. Sometimes we just talk about it.

Empower him. Kids in PS have come to expect: read this, answer these questions, know these facts. Kids who ask "WHY" in school are often ignored (or worse) - it's no wonder they stop asking after awhile. Let him know *he* is responsible for his life. (No, he's not too young.) Don't wait to be told what to think. Don't wait to be told what to learn (or not to learn). If you want to know it - go get it.

Every kid will go through a period of doing "nearly nothing" - especially when they're deschooling - but that's okay. (Just don't let watching reruns on TV and playing video games all day long BE an option. Though, yeah, I know some radical unschoolers who've grown up doing that rather often and they've turned out quite well. But IMHO - it's kinda risky.)

He may be at a loss for a while. He may keep waiting for you to *tell him WHAT to do* (and resent you when you do.)

Remember, the real point of education is teaching kids how to learn. Especially in this day and age when any *fact* you could ever want to know is available at the touch of a button, it's more important for a person to possess critical thinking skills. What do you know? What don't you know? Do you have all the information you need to make a decision/solve this problem/answer this question? If you don't, where do you go to find it? Is it a logical argument? Are the sources reliable?

Sorry, I do tend to go on about this.

Is it always rosy?

NO!

Are there days I want to chuck it all and send his butt back to "school"?

Most definitely.

But in the end, I know it's what is best for him. He'd wither and die in a classroom, and he wouldn't go back if you paid him!

[GoddessOfGuinness]

6. From what I've read about it, "Unschooling" might be just the thing

to get him excited about discovery again...

Look through this message board; because you'll find a lot of reliable info about it. Have your son do some research, too.

[Quakerfriend]

7. Hi dotcom!

:hi:

I did this with my son when he was going into 6th grade. He was doing very well in school(Public K-4th and then private for 5th), but I felt that his writing skills were abysmal (despite his great grades and teachers insistence that all was OK).

We used the Calvert School curriculum. It was tough at first, as he is VERY social and was a bit lonely to start with. But, he really advanced his reading/writing and language skills. For 7th grade returned to the public school and immediately hooked up with all of his old friends. He gets straight A's (Not that that really means anything!), plays on the tennis team and etc,etc.- and is loving life. It was a surprisingly easy adjustment for him. Interestingly enough, his biggest concern in returning to the public school was how to explain his year of home schooling!! (Jeez, when will this stigma END!). But, I told him to simply focus on the positives- ie, no homework, learning while on the couch in your PJs etc.

And, as a family, we all agree that homeschooling was great for him!

Please, keep us posted as to how it works out for you.

[unschooler]

8. Weighing a little late, but here's my two cents....

It's never too late to make a change if your present situation isn't working...

I'd suggest just taking the summer "off" and deciding what you want to do in the fall.

In the meantime, read up on the different approaches to homeschooling. I'd suggest reading David & Micki Colfax, John Holt (absolutely not to be missed) and David Guterson (author of the novel "Snow Falling on Cedars," who is also a high school teacher and homeschooling dad). Also, Home Education Magazine is good. Check out the homeschooling section at your local library, skipping the piles of the fundy books and magazines. On the web, you might want to start with the National Home Education Network, which was started to serve the needs of ALL homeschoolers, not just those on the political and religious right. Their website is at http://www.nhen.org/. I also like http://www.unschooling.org/.

Check out your local homeschool social scene. Try to find an "inclusive" organization, which should include people of a wide variety of backgrounds, not just conservative Christians. You may be surprised how much your son enjoys the other kids and how much YOU like them as well! In my community, you could literally spend 24/7 doing nothing but social activities with other homeschooled kids. There are groups doing bowling, skating (ice and roller), dances (from ballroom to jazz to regular "teen" social dances), fencing, dance, hiking, theater, lasertag, scouting, 4H, horseback, archery, rockhounding, political activism, lego robotics, foreign languages, science, book clubs, park days, beach days.... The list of possibilities is endless.

That being said, I've heard that, in some areas (red, red rural areas for example) there may be a fairly small number of "inclusive" homeschoolers around, so your results may vary. Of course, there is nothing to prevent your son from hanging out with the neighborhood kids after school. Three o'clock in the afternoon comes a lot faster when you're homeschooling than when you're sitting in class, in my experience.

Finally, you're not "married" to your decision to try homeschooling. If your son is miserable, the public system will still be there next semester or next year.