Shopaholics; have you ever been one? Do you know one?

[Lorien]

I don't think that I've ever actually been one myself, but I was surrounded by them when I was employed full time in the film industry. So many of my coworkers were "nouveau riche" that they got caught up with the thrill of their new buying power and spent much of their free time as "recreational shoppers."

One of the worst cases is a former boss and dear friend of mine. For her, it actually IS as damaging as alcoholism. Whenever we go somewhere where there's ANY kind of shopping, she becomes obsessed with acquiring things. I have to talk her down from buying stuff that's nearly identical to a dozen items she already owns. Sometimes I literally pull her out of shops or away from store windows -not always easy, since she's six feet tall and a very fit former top model, lol! Part of it is her environment; she grew up in LA, worked on many films (top sellers like Star Wars, ET, Indiana Jones, etc.) and had a second career as a successful model who traveled the world. But both industries are FULL of hopelessly superficial people. I think shopping becomes a way to fill an otherwise empty life (hers it's also filled with lots of personal tragedy-maybe that leads to shopaholism too).

It's very depressing to go to her opulent home; there's just too much of everything, and it feel suffocating. With 1/3 as much stuff, it would be quite beautiful! I've given her "Afflenza" (the book and tapes), and I've tried to get her into a lot of non-shopping activities, but temptations are everywhere. She can't do DU. Because she can't be online without going to Ebay. Every day, four to six packages come to her home from Ebay purchases. It's really upsetting.

Do, any reformed Shopaholics out there? Any suggestions? Yes, she's lost most of her income in the past two years, but that hasn't stopped her. This illness is causing her so much stress and unhappiness that I really wish I could help!

How about you? Ever been effected by this illness, or know anyone who has, and has overcome it?

[K8-EEE]

1. Um, L.A. here...Do I Know Anybody Who's NOT One?

Jeez...I was a the gym yesterday listening to this gold digger chick (dating orthopedic surgeon who was JUST ABOUT TO LEAVE HIS WIFE ANYWAY...REALLY!)

Anyhow. So she's saying that she saw this most beautiful jacket in the whole world, only, pout, it's $800. I think she's a secretary or something.

So she has her girlfriend call the surgeon and say "she'd kill me if she knew I was telling you this but..." and give the jacket stats as an Xmas gift proposal.

She's all like, "so...I'm getting it!"

General mood in there as congratulatory. Maybe there were disgusted as me but just going along with it, I don't know.

My sister is a QVC-er. But she's not devious in her aquisitions like this gym chick!

Believe it or not I do know a lot of unmaterialistic people, mostly musicians and mostly broke.

[Lorien]

2. It does seem to be an epidemic in that part of the world

I'm in Florida, which is pretty bad too. I grew up in Ohio; my mom is from a Mennonite family and her parents lived in a Amish community, so materialism was something crass and was carefully avoided. I guess I feel a real "culture clash" when I go out to LA to visit friends or work.it seems like the conversations are always about dieting, shopping, or movies. Ugh.

Yesterday I was headed down the freeway, and noticed for the first time that a theme park called "the Holy Land experience" was directly across the freeway from the Millennium Mall (a high end mall; Neiman Marcus, Tiffany's, etc). I had to wonder; how many people visit the "Holy Land", then make a trip to the Millennium Mall? After all, the Mall is America's new shrine, where most of her citize,,,,er, CONSUMERS, worship!

[Nikia]

3. My mother-in-law is

fortunately, they have enough money to support her habit. It is such a waste though. She has closest full of clothes that she has never worn nor will wear. She even buys too much food and keeps it too long. She gets upset if you suggest that she should donate some of it or even give it to less fortunate friends.
I have never been a shop-a-holic which is one reason that my mother-in-law hates me. My grandparents were anti materialists and it rubbed off on me. Since my husband was raised by his mother, I am not living as simply as I'd prefer, but I don't indulge.

[Lorien]

4. Did your mother-in-law grow up poor?

sometimes "hording" behaviors are a result of growing up without enough.
My grandparents lived through the depression, and would save every scrap of tin foil and would use paper until there was no place left to write on it. I use to think they were extreme, but now I understand how important it is for all of us to conserve every resource we have.

The food hording behavior is very typical of someone with a very poor upbringing.The sad thing is that the waste DOES hurt us all in the end. Witness the story in LBN about humanity's extinction in 100 years.

[Nikia]

5. Compared to now

She describes her family as very poor when she was growing up. Her parents did put her two brothers and her through college though so I doubted that they were poverty level poor. I suppose though that perhaps they sacraficed everything to save for their children's educations if they considered that most important.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

6. I was for a while

It was a literally "retail therapy" for my untreated depression.

Ever since getting my head straightened out, I've lost interest in shopping. I know what sizes I wear according to the different catalogue manufacturers, and if I need something, I order it. I am often attracted to items displayed in catalogues, but if I delay buying beyond the moment, I usually lose interest.

The only exception is outfits for special occasions, such as when I had to buy black semi-formal clothing for a choir concert, and I hated shopping for it.

[tavalon]

7. I do occasionally use shopping as therapy

A treasure hunt to find a "new" piece of clothing from time to time can be fun. However, I haven't bought a new piece of clothing in about 10 years. I do all of my shopping in thrift stores. I really believe in the recycle and reuse concept. I think it's almost more fun thrift shopping it really is like a treasure hunt) and it sure is a lot cheaper.

Last week while I was out of town, one of my partners got me a really, really cute small table for my kitchen (I live on a barge, which is effectively a single wide trailer on the water). I like it but I was not happy he went out and spent money on it. Then I found out that he got it from a friend who was going to throw it out. It was apparently in storage for a long time, dusty and even a little stained. My partner did massive work to make it look so pristine. When I found that out, the table went way up in my esteem. And I really wanted a tiny table in my kitchen.

[grasswire]

12. you live on a barge?

That sounds really interesting. Is it on a river? Or what? How is a barge different from a houseboat?

[Lorien]

8. I'm sure that the "shopping as therapy" is true of my

friend too. I just wish I knew of a way for her to get her head straightened out. She watches a fair amount of TV too, and I'm sure all that advertising doesn't help. It's main goal in selling us stuff is to make us feel insecure and not complete without buying their products.

She also gets PILES of catalogs. I've taken to putting stickers with "no purchases until the neo-cons leave office" written on then, then I put "return to sender" on the outside. It really cuts down on the catalog problem, and makes a statement, too!

I sympathize with formal gown shopping; my cousin puts on a big Hollywood awards ceremony in Beverly Hills every year that I usually attend, and I've gotten to the point where I don't care if they see the same dress three years in a row!

[yardwork]

9. My mom shops as therapy.

She has a lot of anxiety but, typical of her generation, won't discuss it with her doctor or ask for help. So she shops to relax. Fortunately she usually shops in thrift stores, antique stores, and for bargains on ebay, so she doesn't spend that much money. She also has excellent taste and a beautiful sense of color and design, so her house is warm, welcoming, and comfortable, despite the clutter. She uses most of what she buys. It drives my sister up the wall but I see it as fairly harmless.

I've known other people who got terribly into debt through shopping, though. It is an addiction just like gambling, alcoholism, or an eating disorder. I know someone who used her work credit card to rack up tens of thousands of dollars in debt from buying clothes. She couldn't pay for it and lost her job.

[mdmc]

10. recovered

once I stopped working in retail, I was able to stop.

[miss_kitty]

11. I used to work at Nordstrom

Indulged a little. Saw A LOT.

I Just got full. When I left Nordstrom, I did a big blow out, and that was, for the most part the end of my shopping big like that. I had a small clothes shopping episode a few months later in which I spent $700, and stuff I got during that shopping spree soured me on big shops for good. That was in 1990.

I did buy a load of beads, and own probably over $2000 worth of raw beads and silver and more if you count my tools, which I intend to use, but hell if I know when. Those are from 1992-1995.

Art supplies. Yes. Worked at Daniel Smith Art and own lots of cool shit from the day. I use some of it from time to time. 1991-1992.

My weakness is plants now outdoor plants. And I live in an apartment. I propagate and scavenge, but if there is something good sitting in front of me, I know to buy it NOW. But I am even getting better at that.

I just wore out on it. clothes don't excite me. I educated myself on how awful people making most clothing have it, and that tarnished the purchasing experience. I also saw I was buying stuff I never used. and I realised I was not deriving happiness from it.

She needs to fill up on something else. But I'd say she needs professional help. I had that, but not for shopping. but during the time I was resolving other shit, the need to shop incessantly sort of dried up. And I was not a goner either. And I stopped when I had a hefty bank acct and modest investment portfolio. Which I squandered (happily) on travel and a car I bought 13 years ago, which I still have.