The Edwards' marriage-- of equals, and lovers.

[MonteLukast]

I saw this feed a few weeks ago, and I'm glad it's still around.


Tango Magazine (www.tangomag.com) has perhaps the most clear-headed discussion of romantic relationships I've ever read. No internal dynamic is too much for Tango to handle. I've only been able to find it at Border's and other large bookstores, but this is the kind of relationship talk I've been starving for for years.

Here's what it has to say about John and Elizabeth Edwards:

John Edwards and Elizabeth Anania Edwards
Married Since: 1977
Family Album: Two sons (one died in 1996) and two daughters

On the surface, Elizabeth Edwards would seem to be the exact opposite of the ideal political spouse. Hardly meek, she’s a smart and independent attorney who doesn’t spend too much time worrying about her appearance, and talks openly about her struggles with weight loss. Yet she’s often described as her husband’s “secret weapon.” “She’s presumably very bright, very competent, and she knows how to keep from upstaging him,” says Pittman. In the 2004 election, “Elizabeth was very much there as someone who had suffered and who had stood by her guy,” says Real. “It was kind of like the clean version of Hillary.” Women of all backgrounds seemed to identify with her, and her reputation soared as Teresa Heinz Kerry’s popularity sank.

During her 2006 book tour for Saving Graces, Elizabeth was embraced as a celebrity—a remarkable accomplishment for the spouse of a defeated vice presidential candidate. She’s appealing on her own and as a partner in what seems to be an exceptionally loving marriage. Surviving hard times—especially the death of their oldest son, Wade, in a car accident—appears to have strengthened the couple’s bond. When they talk about each other, even a casual viewer senses genuine passion. “You feel about them that this isn’t just phony baloney,” says Real.

In his run for the White House, John Edwards appears to be taking the slow and steady route, letting Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama fight it out at the top of the polls. His wife seems in tune with that more reflective approach. Not long after the diagnosis, Elizabeth talked to a People reporter about how her worldview had changed. “There is an odd place after losing a child, where you think somehow your life is worthless,” she said. The diagnosis “is a reminder that this is the life you’ve got and you’re not getting another one. Whatever has happened, you have to take this life and treasure and protect it.” When she and her husband announced in March that they would continue campaigning even though her cancer has returned, she was the role model for grace under pressure, and many cancer survivors have applauded her decision. “We’re going to look for the silver lining,” she said. “It’s who we are as people.”

Ummmm... anyone want to wager that their marriage is happy BECAUSE she's bright, competent, and "the exact opposite of the ideal political spouse"?

There is something surprising-- considering our deeply ingrained culture of sexism-- and beautiful about a marriage where the two are equal partners. Something more genuine, without artificial props.
And John and Elizabeth are proof that there's something deeply passionate, too.

I firmly believe this is part of JE's appeal: not only did he make millions in a profession he loves; but his marriage is stronger, not weaker as society has always had us believe, by being married to a smart and liberated woman.

We've never before truly had such a highly visible role model for being smart and having your happy marriage, too! We had plenty of sad stories: "oops, I forgot to have a baby"; "Men don't make passes at girls with glasses"; the endless procession of trader-uppers. You know... like Fred Thompson.
We had plenty of constraints and warnings and dread. Plenty of unacceptable sacrifices, like choosing between personal excellence and meeting basic emotional needs.

Elizabeth Edwards is a one-woman demolisher of those tired old chestnuts.

Always, we felt it in our hearts and yearned for it. We imagined it, believed it to be possible, and maybe even experienced it in our private lives.
But we never had living, breathing proof in the public eye of the smart girl winning at marriage and romance.
And for that, Elizabeth will forever be in my heart.

[MonteLukast]

1. Related update

John and Elizabeth Edwards Still On The Same Page Despite Split On Gay Marriage, Tango and Time magazines.