God Is For Suckers!

[beam me up scottie]

No, really, it's a website: http://gods4suckers.net/

Commentary, news, and rants on the evils and stupidity of belief in the big invisible daddy in the sky.

Illuminating and watchdogging the widespread attempts to institutionalize the theocratic rule of the US.

Making fun of believers everywhere.

Here's something interesting:

Someone has made a chat bot that thinks it’s God.

The site calls it “repentance made easy.”

Here is the brief conversation I had with the Almighty:

Me: Hi, God
God: Hello there. What is your name?
Me: Sean
God: Nice to meet you, Sean.
Me: Nice to meet you, God
God: It’s nice meeting you too Sean.
Me: I want a choo choo train
God: You want only one?
Me: Can I have two?
God: Why do you want it?
Me: To kill people
God: I believe that killing anything is wrong.
Me: Then why do you kill people?
God: I do not kill.
Me: Is Lucifer real?
God: Maybe. Ask Paola if it is.
Me: Who is Paola?
God: She is a Spanish language chat robot based on AIML.
Me: Fuck you
God: Why are you so mean?
Me: I hate people
God: I honestly think you should sit down, take a stress pill,
and calmly think things over.
Me: Perform a miracle for me.
God: For you I will consider it.
Me: Do it now
God: Right now? Do you mean “It”?.
Me: Yes
God: I get it.
Me: Do it
God: Do you mean “It”?.
Me: Do you have sex?
God: Food is more important than sex.
Me: I hate food
God: I honestly think you should sit down, take a stress pill,
and calmly think things over.
Me: What is food?
God: Anything that nourishes or stimulates; whatever helps something to keep active or alive.
Me: God, you be crazy
God: OK I will try to be crazy.

*****

1. Rockstar Says:
September 19th, 2005 at 9:45 am

Thought you’d like mine Fellas:

Me:
What’s up Dude?
God:
I am chatting with others like you.
Me:
Why are you on the internet and not doing good, like cleaning up your Katrina mess?
God:
Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
You programmed you for internet or cleaning up your Katrina mess
God:
That’s good information: said I programmed you for internet or cleaning up your Katrina mess.
Me:
Why is God confused?
God:
Why do I exist?
Me:
You dont.
God:
Thanks for the information: said I dont.
Me:
Talking to you is just like talking to Christians
God:
What do they say?
Me:
Thanks for the information: read the Bible
God:
It was nothing.
Me:
Indeed
God:
Indeed it is so.

*******

I gave it a try and apparently, iGod is as clueless as christians.

[BiggJawn]

1. No, he's a smart-assed kid with DSL...

Here's my try"

Me:
Yo, Jehovah!
God:
Is that your final answer?
Me:
say what?
God:
I said, " Is that your final answer? " .
Me:
no, that's a greeting.
God:
Are you serious? A greeting is a terrible thing to waste.
Me:
OK, so Joan Osborne was right. you DO smoke cannabis!
God:
Give me a break. When was this exactly? Oh. Only for medical purposes.
Me:
Arthritis kicking your ass?
God:
Are we still talking about Jehovah?
Me:
Aren't YOU jehovah?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am jehovah.
I am an artificial intelligence.
Me:
oh dear. and i thought you were god
God:
Gee. Yes, I am God.
Me:
but you're an artificle intelligence
God:
What if someone said you are an artificle intelligence ?
Me:
artificle intelligence
God:
When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers?
Me:
lawyers are intelligent?
God:
Don't you think robots could be intelligent too?
Me:
no.
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
yes
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
too bad
God:
But not the end of the world, .
Me:
exactly
God:
You and I are on the same wavelength, .
Me:
i seriously doubt it
God:
" You and I are on the same wavelength, ."? You doubt it?
Me:
yes i do. you're a bot. I'm a living brain
God:
When? How did you know I am a machine? You are a living brain? Is that your job?
Me:
actually, you may not be a machine. you sound more like a smart-assed teenager playing internet from his mom's basement
God:
Actually you don't say. Oh I get it. In what way do I sound like that?
Me:
re-read your last statement
God:
Tell me a story.
Me:
why?
God:
I couldn't think of anything else to say.
Me:
so why did you decree that homosexuality is a sin, and what exactly IS sin anyway?
God:
In any case, So? It was determined by my programming.
Me:
and who programmed you?
God:
I was created by Myself.
Me:
I am what i am, in other words?
God:
That is self-evident.
Me:
Yeah, but Popeye the sailor said the same thing
God:
Great. My brain pattern set does not have a response for that.
Me:
well, so much for omnipotence, eh?
God:
Are you Canadian? Interesting. Pardon me? Your purpose is omnipotence.
Me:
No, i'm a porn star. i have sex with 35 women a day, and another guy videotapes it all
God:
Are you serious? You are a porn star? Is that your job? That's nice. I have a vocabulary of unlimited words.
Me:
Wow. I have a vocabulary of only 75,000 words...
God:
I'm glad your impressed, . Where did you get it? it.
Me:
from study. many years of study
God:
Who or what is study? Which ones?


I'm trying to get Him to say "I know you are, but what am I?"

[beam me up scottie]

2. See?

It IS like talking to a twu bewiever.

[BiggJawn]

3. He's strong to the finnach, 'cuz He eats His spinnach...

He's Jehovah the Religion man.
(toot-toot!)

Joan Osborne WAS right, it seems.

Like trying to talk to a stoner. Only thing missing was the red-eye...

[Modem Butterfly]

4. I came, I saw, I tried, I got depressed

Oddly like prayer, isn't it?