Judah! Judah! Judah! The Hokiest Stories Ever Told

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Does anyone else like to kick back and laugh at religious movies? Tell us about it!

As the subject implies, tonight I watched the greatest Biblical homo-erotic S&M movie of all time, Ben Hur. Jebus! More chains, leather and gory whippings than Mel Gibson's snuff movie!

In this one, the Bore From Nazareth is thankfully relegated to a minor, non-speaking role. And his face is never seen, so we can have fun imagining that's Andy Devine or Maria Ouspenskaya under the robe.

Also, no resurrection, so this one has a happy ending for a change. ;-)

If you know a Fundie who loves this movie, make sure you tell them that Gore Vidal was an uncredited writer on it. And casually drop this bit of trivia (available all over the Web):

Despite deletions of any homosexual references, the intense relationship between the two virile men says otherwise. In an interview, Vidal said that he proposed to director William Wyler “that the two had been adolescent lovers and now Messala has returned to Rome wanting to revive the love affair but Ben-Hur does not”.

After Wyler agreed to this covert motivational ploy, Vidal informed Stephen Boyd (and pointedly not Heston), resulting in Boyd successfully playing off the role of a spurned lover, especially when he cries, “ Is there anything so sad as unrequited love?”

Wyler once said, “The biggest mistake we made was the love story. If we had cut out that girl (Haya Harareet) and concentrated on the two guys, everything would have gone better".

Of course, a bad religious movie doesn't have to be about Christianity. Muslims are saddled with The All-Purpose Ethnic, Anthony Quinn, playing Mohammed's uncle in Messenger Of God. (When you set out to make a Major Motion Picture, it can be a real handicap if depicting your subject is considered blasphemy by all your potential popcorn-buyers...)

Then there's Kundun, Scorsese's yawnfest about the Dalai Lama...I think. Several times, that one has kept me on the edge of my seat for at least 10 minutes before I fell off in a stupefied coma.