Got your barf bag handy?

[trotsky]

Kirk Cameron's latest blockbuster! FIREPROOF the MOVIE!
http://www.fireproofthemovie.com

The best review comes on this page, about halfway down:

Cranston Says:

September 18th, 2008 at 1:47 am

I was unfortunate enough to see this movie at an industry preview. Think of the worst Lifetime movie you’ve ever seen (or seen an ad for) and scramble it with the worst idea for a Hallmark movie that ever got rejected and tossed in the garbage. What do you get? Read on:

If non-Christians are the target audience then I’m baffled as to what on earth the producers think is going to be the appeal here.

If Christians are the audience then I’m baffled as to what on earth the producers think is going to be the appeal here.

The promoters of this film are constantly sending out e-mails BEGGING people to buy hundreds (or thousands) of tickets so that the movie will have a good opening weekend. I suppose they realized that this thing ain’t gonna sell itself. Churches have better things to spend money and time on than paying for otherwise empty seats just because these people made a crappy movie.

Christians need to realize that supporting a movie just because other Christians made it is really lame. Then again, I guess if you’re the type of person who buys into the crock message in FACING THE GIANTS (the misguided notion that you’ll get anything and everything you want if you just pray for it) then there’s really no getting through to you.

And now to save you the trauma of sitting through anything longer than the trailer:

FIREPROOF is a movie about a fireman who… are you ready? NEVER FIGHTS A FIRE. The most harrowing act of bravery is right there in the trailer… they move a car off of the railroad tracks. Other than that, Kirk Cameron crawls under a house to escape a fire, but that’s about it.

As for the whole marriage problem… it pretty much falls apart because Kirk is pissed that his wife didn’t make dinner. I kid you not. That is what this entire movie rides on. The woman didn’t cook. Sadly, this isn’t played for laughs. We’re supposed to take it ever so seriously.

A couple days later Kirk gets mad because the wife ate all pizza before he got home from not fighting fires all day. Kirk erupts in a violent bout of acting, the likes of which I hope to never see again, as he spews forth anger at this woman who dared to not make him dinner or save him a slice of supreme. That’s the basis of their marital troubles.

...

Most of the other comments are quite entertaining too.

[Jamastiene]

1. I still wonder why he is even famous.

I REALLY don't like him.

[Az]

2. Same reason Bob Sagget once had two prime time shows on at the same time

Lowest common denominator. The least offensive individual is who the marketing reps are going to pick to represent their products.

[onager]

3. Woo-hoo! Recreational Xianity! Thanks!

Never leave your partner behind...

I might have watched it if, in that tagline, they had only made the fourth word possessive.

And thanks a lot, Mr. T. I just wasted an hour LMAO at those comments. It could have been worse. I could have wasted two hours watching the thing, expecting a Kirk Cameron ham-cheese-and-corn souffle like one of the Left Behind movies. I would have been bitterly disappointed.

Interesting comment over at IMDB (where the Xian propagandists are desperately flogging this turkey with 10-star ratings):

As a firefighter/EMT-I, my wife and I were given tickets to see this movie through a local church. I'm glad I didn't pay to see it.

With church involvement I figured there would be some religious aspect to the movie but I didn't realize that the premise of the movie was that without God you can't have a successful marriage or be able to love someone. My wife and I aren't religious but have been married over seventeen years, and I love her and our three children.

For more laughs, go to the annoying "Fireproof" website and click on "Resources." The movie is a marketing vehicle for a whole raft of Let-Jebus-Save-Your-Marriage crap:

FIREPROOF T-Shirts and Hats

Kerusso has created a line of T-shirts and baseball caps that help you let others know how you feel about FIREPROOF...and your marriage. There are specific shirt designs for both men and women.

The women's shirt, which comes in hot pink, says "With all my Heart" on it. The shirt references Mark 10-9, "Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate." The men's shirt has a logo similar to a fire department's shield, including the axes and the firemen's cross. This navy shirt features a reference to Ephesians 4-25, which begins "Husbands, love your wives. ..." The baseball cap has a similar look and feel.

The shirts and hats are available at Christian stores and online.

I wonder if I can get the men's shirt in hot pink...

[sarcasmo]

4. Boy, what a Religious Pimp he has become. I wonder who brainwashed him this badly.

I am sorry you had to wast an hour and a half of your life.

[onager]

5. Kirk Hameron's other job...

I almost had a stroke from laughing.

"Thanks for visiting the site. By the way...did you know that every day, 150,000 people...DIE!!!"

I was sort of expecting to hear "Don't Fear The Reaper" by Blue Oyster Cult. But I guess that would be inappropriate...

Oh, and as a nice bonus, they also explain evolution in 25 words or less. So you don't need to bother studying any more about it. That's a relief. I bet Sarah Palin loves this website.

http://www.wayofthemaster.com/

[trotsky]

6. Cripes, it's Flash-heavy.

I have the Flash blocker plug-in for Firefox, so his page is nothing but blank squares! I'm afraid to click on any of them to see them.

Did they give up on the "Atheist's Worst Nightmare"?

[onager]

7. Heh! I wasn't that curious.

You're right about the Flash-heavy. Let me struggle to describe the page design...it's FUGLY! His web designer must have only discovered graphics last week (about the same time he or she discovered Macromedia Flash).

[deepthought42]

8. Mmmm

I love me some domesticated bananas from the grocery store. :eyes:

[progressoid]

9. Aren't you lucky.

And that description above is pretty accurate.

I think the only way I would watch it is if I were really drunk and there was a Mystery Science Theater 3000 version.

[Rhiannon12866]

10. I happened on an interview with him on The Today Show and it boggled the mind...

He must have been on to promote his movie. My first thought was "what is wrong with this guy?" It's nice that he's loyal to his wife, and all, but he's supposed to be an actor, which involves taking risks and playing against type. All this guy does is proselytize, which offended me and has to have annoyed more viewers than me. Thumbs down from me...:thumbsdown: