Thank you all for welcoming me to your fold. I have a question about talking to family

[prostock69]

about being an Atheist. I have already started the conversation with my father and sister. They haven't been to church in 20 years and they don't read the bible anymore. However, they both still believe in God and Jesus. Do you have any suggestions on how to ease into talking to them about relgion and Athesim without closing their minds down? I firmly believe that people leave religion because they were ready to question it. I don't think my family is ready to question their beliefs. However, I want to put that seed of doubt so they will WANT to question it and then I can give them the materials in order to show them that what they believe is total nonsense. Their main defense for their beliefs is the Bible. I would need to start there. Thanks.

[Warpy]

1. My advice is to leave them alone unless they

try to force you back into church, something that seems highly unlikely since they don't go, either.

I never used the "a word" to my family but made it clear I didn't believe a word of it. My Irish Catholic agnostic mother who believed in reincarnation was at least a twice a year Christian until she went one Easter and the pastor dropped dead, she said from surprise at seeing her.

True story.

My mother flatly turned down last rites saying she didn't want to die that much a hypocrite. My dad told me a week before he died that he didn't believe "that Sunday school crap" any more. I never talked to my parents about my disbelief, just that I wasn't a believer when they wanted to drag me to church when I visited as an adult. To their credit, they realized the game was over. To mine, I didn't harangue them.

You're working through anger right now and have the zeal of any recent convert to anything--think ex smoker. My very best advice is to tread very lightly with other people until you've worked through your own anger.

What other people believe or don't believe isn't my job or yours.

[immoderate]

2. That makes a lot of sense.

The various euphemisms for atheist (not religious, freethinker, etc.) are less of a red flag for people. And I don't bring up the subject unless they do.

--IMM

[sarcasmo]

3. Don't bring it up, unless you are prepared to deal with a bunch of grief.

[YankeyMCC]

4. Be careful

Of course you should not get in their faces but I do think it is important for more of us to be open and vocal about our lack of belief but don't make it a central issue, particular since I'm sure there's a lot more to you than the fact you don't believe in gods :)

But be careful. If you search on my posts in this forum about my experience you'll see why. In short my family is 'nominally' catholic, I say 'nominally' because they don't go to church regularly, never made a big point of teaching it to me or talking to me about religion or god growing up.

Yet when I started openly speaking about being atheist the reaction was horrible. At one point my mother actually said "You're not my son."

Particularly when it came to discussions about my son I was told I had no right to teach him the belief in gods is false.

I still have a relationship with my family but it very nearly broke and there is a constant source of tension always there even with this family who did not seem to be overly religious they still had a core belief that when challenged created a bad reaction.

[salvorhardin]

5. I agree with Warpy

Let them be. That being said though, if you'd like to try to understand things from their perspective a little more, and maybe get some good arguments to use with people who won't leave you alone in your disbelief, you might want to read Guy P. Harrison's book 50 Reasons People Give for Believing in a God.
http://www.amazon.com/Reasons-People-Give-Believing-God/dp/1591025672

I got a review copy and it's quite good. You can also listen to an interview with Guy Harrison on CFI's Point of Inquiry podcast.

Guy P. Harrison is a graduate of the University of South Florida with degrees in history and anthropology. He currently lives in the Cayman Islands, where he is a columnist and travel writer for a national newspaper. He has won several international awards for his writing and photography.

In this conversation with D.J. Grothe, Guy P. Harrison talks about his new book 50 Reasons People Give For Believing In A God, and details such reasons for god-belief as the obviousness of God, "playing it safe," the fear of hell, that belief in gods brings genuine happiness and comforts, and the fact that so many people are religious. He explores similarities between the reasons people give for their belief in Western gods and Eastern gods, and also similarities between the reasons people give for belief in gods and in the paranormal. He calls for a wider understanding of religion in general as an important first step in inculcating skepticism about religion. He argues that the reasons people proffer are often very different than the reasons theologians argue that people should believe. And he offers advice for what he thinks is the best approach for engaging believers on these matters of belief.
http://www.pointofinquiry.org/guy_p_harrison_50_reasons_people_give_for_believing_in_a_god

Here's a direct link to the MP3:
http://media.libsyn.com/media/pointofinquiry/POI_2008_08_01_Guy_Harrison.mp3

[laconicsax]

6. Just play along.

Remember, 'atheist' is a very dirty word among believers. Don't bring it up unless they make an issue of it and if they do, you can always find a way to state your lack of belief without explicitly stating that you don't believe. Most devout believers will just assume that you share their beliefs and it's pretty easy to let them keep thinking so.

[trotsky]

7. I'll echo what everyone has said so far.

Not worth it. And a bit of advice, if the subject does come up, or you are asked, just offer up something very non-threatening like, "I'm not sure if there's a god but if there is, it probably cares more about how we treat each other and the planet than how many times we went to church or how many prayers we said."

[skepticscott]

8. Be confident in your own worldview

What nonsense they swallow is their business, but you have nothing to justify or explain to them. Trying to change their minds is almost certainly a waste of time and effort and will produce nothing but grief.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

9. Read the poem "Abu ben Adhem" to them.

By Leigh Hunt.

A classic.

[greyl]

10. Be true to your self and your family. It all depends on how you do it.

It's not quite clear to me whether you want to change their minds or are yearning to be more intimate with them about your own mind and who you are.
In either case, I don't agree that it's not worth the potential grief. Who says it will result in grief anyway? Depending on your approach, you can learn from each other. Asking them to explain their beliefs tends to work better than making declarative statements that call their beliefs into question. Wanting to get to the bottom of why they hold particular beliefs has always been rewarding for me when talking with my family, and more often than not at least leaves them with something to think about - seeds of self-examination, if you will.

[Evoman]

11. Tell them you got arrested for child molestation.

After they get real upset and freak out, tell them you were just kidding. But you are an atheist.

They'll be relieved. Next to child molestation, atheism ain't so bad. Sometimes.

:evilgrin:

[FiveGoodMen]

12. Tell them you're a priest?!

[prostock69]

13. Update: I talked to my sister over the phone

We had a good talk. After I told her what I had found out about the bible and the truth of how christianity was formed back in anctient times, she agreed with me that most of what is in the bible is b.s. However, she still feels there is an "intelligent designer" of the universe. I told her that we will probably never know how one way or the other but it's not worth living the rest of our lives worrying about heaven and hell. Then she asked me whether I believed in good and evil. I told her no. That those terms describe the actions of men, That there is no "evil" lurking around causing people to do bad things. She believes there IS evil and spirits (ghosts.) She watches too much t.v. Then she told me she believes men were given free will. Then I countered her with "If we have true free will, we can't be controlled by outside forces." You can't have it both ways. Either we are being influenced and/or controlled by good forces and evil forces, or we are soley responsible for our actions through free will. She didn't respond to that argument. Then I asked her about evolution. She is hesitant to believe in science (even though she is a nurse). Like most Americans, who are ignorant about evolution and natural selection, she thought it had to do with us being decendants of monkeys. I just laughed and told her no, not exactly and that my husband would explain it to her when we come for Christmas. She agreed to read some of my books. So I will be giving her The Blind Watchmaker, The God Delusion, The End of Faith, and A Letter to a Christian Nation. Hopefully, these books will help her put in perspective what I tried to convey to her over the phone. I know it's hard for someone to understand what you know, unless they do their own research.

[FiveGoodMen]

14. "she thought it had to do with us being decendants of monkeys"

It pretty much does. Although it goes well beyond that.

[prostock69]

15. I realize we are decendants of primates...She thought that was all there was too it

I think I read we share over 95% of the same genes. It's the "goes well beyond that" she is not aware of and which I am horrible at explaining.