The WAR ON CHRISTMAS fighters go a BIT too far in reverse...

[brooklynite]

Keep Christmas in CHRIST!!!

This is a group for people who are determined to rescue the beautiful Christian celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ from the cheap, plastic, tacky circus that American culture has made it. If Jesus is the reason for the season -- which he is! -- then what are we doing decorating pine trees and buying Xbox games to give to our kids? We should be worshipping Jesus instead!

Q: How many Christmas trees there are in the Bible?

A: None!! Christmas trees have nothing to do with Jesus. They're not even Christian -- they're a German pagan practice.

Q: Whose birthday does Christmas celebrate?

A: Uh, Jesus', duh. So why are we buying presents for our uncles and second cousins when it's not their birthdays? If we're buying presents for anyone, shouldn't we be buying presents for Jesus?

Q: Is Santa Claus real?

A: Of course not!! A fat man in a red suit who flies around the world in one night with magical reindeer stuffing toys down people's chimneys? That's just ridiculous!! Who would believe such a silly, fanciful story? Everyone knows what really happened is that two-thousand years ago a poor virgin girl miraculously conceived and gave birth to a baby who was also the son of God and would rise from the dead.

Q: Should I say "Merry Christmas" or "Happy Holidays"?

A: You should say "Merry Christmas" -- but only during sincere Christian worship! Don't say "Merry Christmas" to me if you're buying T-Pain's latest CD for your kids. Don't say "Merry Christmas" to me if you've got neon snowmen in your yard. Don't say "Merry Christmas" to me if you haven't been to church since Easter.

Q: Are we Christians or are we pagans?

A: WE ARE CHRISTIANS!!! So stop acting like pagans! Put away your tacky trees and shiny lights and instead get out your dirty stable clothing and humble mangers. Stop telling lies about fairy tale elves and magical reindeers and talking snowmen and instead start talking about how Jesus has been and will be born into your life. Stop buying stupid junk no one needs for people you don't ever see and instead buy gold, frankincense, and myrrh for Jesus -- or, barring that, giving your money to the church or other charities.

Seriously, people: don't talk to me about keeping Christ in Christmas when you're in line at Target with your arms full of blinking lights, plastic holly, Blu-Ray players, and Barbra Streisand Christmas CDs. You're making the baby Jesus cry.

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=37691633149

Why do I think they're going to be hard-pressed to sell this notion to the other Christians.....

[LeftyMom]

1. I'm calling Poe.

The poor virgin girl part and the "making the baby Jesus cry" line sound more like somebody making fun of fundamentalists than an actual fundamentalists ravings. And it's all spelled and punctuated well, which is usually a dead giveaway that it's not a real fundie.

[onager]

2. Baby Jesus was eaten by a camel. Everybody knows that!

http://jesusoftheweek.com/jesii/202/index.html

:rofl:

I think LeftyMom probably nailed it. Immaculate Punctuation and spelling are NOT signs of a typical Fundie screed.

Taking that idea just a little farther: the whole thing reads almost like a subversive attempt to educate. Pointing out that Xmas trees were a pagan practice, etc.

Granted that trying to educate is probably futile in One Nation Under Jesus, where a large part of the population seems to believe the Three Wise Men in the manger were Washington, Jefferson and Reagan. Who came bearing gifts of tax cuts for the rich, automatic weapons and a Xmas tree from the Bethlehem Wal-Mart.

[Warpy]

3. I cashed in twice when I was growing up

I got gifts on Xmas from the parents and on Twelfth Night from my very Victorian grandparents. Xmas to them was a day for church and a nice dinner with family, nothing more.

It really does make more sense to give the gifts on Twelfth Night, the night the Magi were supposed to have appeared bearing the gold, frankincense and myrrh (but sadly, no diapers or crib).

It would also allow parents to take advantage of after Xmas sales.

[laconicsax]

4. Technically, there are Christmas trees in the Bible

Jeremiah 10:2-4

(2)Thus saith the LORD, Learn not the way of the heathen, and be not dismayed at the signs of heaven; for the heathen are dismayed at them. (3)For the customs of the people are vain: for one cutteth a tree out of the forest, the work of the hands of the workman, with the axe. (4)They deck it with silver and with gold; they fasten it with nails and with hammers, that it move not.

[and-justice-for-all]

5. So they acknowledge Santa is not real...

and yet, yammer as though jeebus was/is real....

They don't have to worry, I ditched their/this ridiculous holiday, I do not acknowledge it. I celebrate REAL birthdays of people that are actually ALIVE.

[awoke_in_2003]

6. Oh, this is rich...

"That's just ridiculous!! Who would believe such a silly, fanciful story? Everyone knows what really happened is that two-thousand years ago a poor virgin girl miraculously conceived and gave birth to a baby who was also the son of God and would rise from the dead."

on edit: decided to include the entire quote. It is so good I don't have to add any humor.