Atheist Group Offers to Take Care of Christians' Pets After the Rapture

[brooklynite]

from :

I'm honestly not sure what Earthbound Pets really is -- probably the biggest hoax on the internet, but one thing is sure -- it is hilarious. Here's the premise: "You've committed your life to Jesus. You know you're saved. But when the Rapture comes what's to become of your loving pets who are left behind? Eternal Earth-Bound Pets takes that burden off your mind."

This sounds fantastic -- after all, when the rapture comes, there is probably going to be a lot of things on your mind. Really, what does one even pack? So it's nice to get arrangements for your pets, who apparently will spent eternity with the atheists and gays and gay atheists, all sorted out before hand.

...snip...

Surely, it seems this is some sort of joke, although their FAQs claim otherwise. One can only hope that very gullible Christians have sent in their money. At least it will be going to a good cause.

from their webpage:

You've committed your life to Jesus. You know you're saved. But when the Rapture comes what's to become of your loving pets who are left behind? Eternal Earth-Bound Pets takes that burden off your mind.

We are a group of dedicated animal lovers, and atheists. Each Eternal Earth-Bound Pet representative is a confirmed atheist, and as such will still be here on Earth after you've received your reward. Our network of animal activists are committed to step in when you step up to Jesus.

We are currently active in 20 states and growing. Our representatives have been screened to ensure that they are atheists, animal lovers, are moral / ethical with no criminal background, have the ability and desire to rescue your pet and the means to retrieve them and ensure their care for your pet's natural life.

We currently cover the following states:
Maine,New Hampshire, Vermont, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Rhode Island, Wisconsin, Minnesota, Michigan, Arkansas, Mississippi, Tennessee, Kentucky, Colorado, Oklahoma, Kansas, Washington, Oregon, Idaho and Montana ... and growing.

Our service is plain and simple; our fee structure is reasonable.

For $110.00 we will guarantee that should the Rapture occur within ten (10) years of receipt of payment, one pet per residence will be saved. Each additional pet at your residence will be saved for an additional $15.00 fee. A small price to pay for your peace of mind and the health and safety of your four legged friends.

Unfortunately at this time we are not equipped to accommodate all species and must limit our services to dogs, cats, birds, rabbits, and small caged mammals.

Thank you for your interest in Eternal Earth-Bound Pets. We hope we can help provide you with peace of mind.

and, an important item from their FAQ:

Q: How do you ensure your representatives won't be Raptured.

A: Actually, we don't ensure it, they do. Each of our representatives has stated to us in writing that they are atheists, do not believe in God / Jesus, and that they have blasphemed in accordance with Mark 3:29, negating any chance of salvation

well, that's a relief...

[WillParkinson]

1. Oooh, that's a job for me!

I love animals.
I'm an atheist.
AND I'm gay.

Perhaps I'm overqualified?

[moggie]

2. You'll probably be ok

But don't expect to be trusted with any box turtles.

[Soylent Brice]

3. BRILLIANT!!

[brooklynite]

4. My wife (a lawyer) raised two important points last night...

1. Is a contract with a bunch of atheists legally binding after the rapture?

2. If you enter into a contract with an atheist, are you putting your rapture-bound soul at risk?

[onager]

5. Thanks! I got this thru work email. And another point...

I work with a bunch of atheists and secular types. (Which makes me very happy.) One of them sent this around earlier this week, causing general merriment and ROFLing in the department.

Another point that hit me: this offer sounds like we atheists are buying into the whole Rapture mythology. Not very likely!

I had the same problem with the EAC Anti-Rapture Helmet...which I'm sure is an offer just as serious as this one.

Its whole premise is that the Fundies and their god haven't gotten anything right yet - from the age of the earth to the origin of the moon. So there's a good chance atheists will be mistakenly raptured, and end up in a very boring eternity:

Anti-Rapture Helmet Mark II: Undoubtedly the EAC's most popular piece of hardware, the A-R Helmet MK 2 is guaranteed to prevent any extraneously generated movement by a diety, keeping the wearer firmly on the ground and in touch with reality. The mark 2 featues a variety of impovements including an auto-timer which will activate the helmet in the event that you should be so surprised by the ascending Christians that you forget to turn yours on.

All recent models have been tested in artificially simulated rapture to ensure that no atheist need spend an etenity with the Christians and their god.

http://users.rcn.com/jasp.javanet/atheism/eac/tech.htm

[hypatiab7]

7. [Reply]Thanks! I got this thru work email. And another point...

We could offer to fly the non-Raptured Christians as high as possible in the EAC Black Helicopters. After that,
they're on their own.:o

[cynatnite]

6. So, this is one time when being a christian is a big negative for this job. n/t