the impending war with my mother-in-law.

[Soylent Brice]

background info:

my MIL is a moron.

she is one of the religious folks who suddenly rediscovered jesus when she lost her job a year and a half ago. according to my wife she wasn't always super-religious, and they barely went to church when my wife was growing up.

after the MIL lost her job it all kind of went down hill. she became stagnant and lazy. she decided that instead of perhaps getting an updated resume together, and looking for a job, she instead has left it into the hands of god to find her some steady employment. so naturally, she is still unemployed.

it started off kind of funny too, she started quoting (or rather, misquoting) the bible randomly in the most awkward of situations, like in public, around me and my wife, etc. my wife and i are atheist, or as my wife likes to refer to it as: not gullible.

(i love my wife :hug:)

so, when the MIL starts spouting religious wacko nonsense, thinking she is somehow edumacating us with her pious snap-quotes, we were getting some entertainment out of it. it was, to say the least, amusing. until...

we had made it very clear from the time our first child was born that we are not religious, and that our children will be educated about all religions from a historical context. if they choose to be religious it will be of their own doing, not ours. we were very clear about this. well, the wife and i don't get out much, and when we do, the MIL watches the kids. (we have 3 now)

a week ago, it was a monday, my wife gets a call from her mother to which her mother asks, "why are you mad at me? you haven't talked to me since i watched the kids friday night."

my wife replies, "what are you talking about? why would i be mad at you?"

to which the MIL responds, "is it because i made the kids say their prayers before they went to bed friday night?"

to which my wife fires back, "uh, i didn't even know you did that? why did you do that??"

let's sum up the scenario: my MIL knows how we feel. she decides to force my children to participate in a prayer, prayers being something my kids know nothing about (ages 5, 4, and the youngest 7 months old - obviously not subject to said prayer), and then somehow managed to convince my children to keep it a secret from myself and their mother.

:grr:

we decided to nonchalantly ask my oldest (daughter) about it. not wanting to make a big deal out of it we ask her, "so, what did you do with grandma friday night when we were gone?"

she says, "watched TV."

me: "okay, anything else, like at bedtime?"

her: "yeah. she asked us to talk to jesus with her. who is she?"

me: "well, jesus is a boy, hunny, what did she ask you to say?"

her: *shrugs shoulders* "heaven and something else. i don't remember." "who's jesus?"

me: "he's a guy that lived a long time ago. you want to learn more about him?"

her: "no. she asked us to say that stuff with her. i did it for her, i don't really care. i did it for her." "i know she wanted us too, so i did it for her. she was happy we did."

me: "you know you never have to do stuff that people ask you to just to make them happy, right?"

her: "i know, and only you and mommy and the doctor can see me without my clothes, right!"

*sigh*

me: "yes hunny, that's right. good job!" *high five* "but that also means you don't have to say something if you're not comfortable with it. do you understand what i mean?"

her: "yeah. i just did it. i don't believe it. she said fairies took muffy to heaven too." (muffy is our cat that died a few months ago). "i knew she was being silly, because fairies aren't real, hahaha."

:rofl:

me: "that's right, fairies don't exist. what fairies was she talking about?"

her: "she said they had wings and came down to take animals and people when they die."

me: "i see. do you have any questions about that?"

her: "no. well... why does grandma believe in fairies?"

:rofl: (trying not to laugh out loud)

me: "everyone believes something different, or doesn't believe in anything at all, hun."

her: "okay. can i go play now?"

me: "sure, hun. you can go play now."


okay. here's my problem.

the fact that we were lied to, and that my kids were asked to do something that clearly confused them and made at least one of them uncomfortable a little, PISSES ME OFF. the second thing is that this is a conversation i wasn't expecting to have because my MIL disrupted, i was instead hoping to have this discussion with my wife, between us and our kids. not because some idiot was trying to recruit them. two positive things came out of this though. one, my daughter didn't even care about the relevance of what my MIL was doing. so saying their prayers did not have the desired afect my MIL intended it to have. secondly:

my oldest now thinks my MIL is an idiot.

:rofl:

my question: what on earth do i do about my MIL?

my only idea is to go nuclear. but i think she'll get pleasure out of seeing me flustered. but, i do not want her doing this shit behind our backs again either.

any suggestions?

[Lars39]

1. Hate to say it, but she's proven that she doesn't respect you or your kids.

Her religious views are more important to her. I don't think I'd let her watch the kids unsupervised any more.

[Soylent Brice]

2. my wife and i had the same thought.

it's apparent she has an entire lack of respect for us.

i don't walk into her church and point and laugh. there's no reason for her to hold secret prayer sessions in my house with our children.

the whole thing just stinks.

the sad part is she's the only one we know that we actually trusted to watch our kids. we don't have any other family in the area besides her totally irresponsible SIL. that's a whole other post in and of itself, though.

i'm at a loss now.

[Lars39]

3. And what's worse, I bet she knows she's the only one.

Next thing you know she'll be hauling your kids to church behind your back. :( I've had this happen, too. It really sucks not having an extensive support system when raising kids. It may take time, but maybe you could form a small co-op with other parents. Well, whatever route you take, teach your kids not to trust any adult who want them to keep secrets from you.

[Soylent Brice]

4. we've had that talk several hundred times, about adults and secrets,

secrets in general, really.

our friends of 12-13 yrs are having their first kid in the next 4-5 months. they're atheist as well. i figure we'll probably start swapping for nights out, watching each others kids.

they are at a grave disadvantage though:

us: 3 kids

them: 1 kid


:evilgrin:

it won't even feel like we have another kid in the house. lol

as far as church behind our back, i think she knows by now i'd have her head on a pike for such an offense. lol

thanks for being a sound board for me. :)

[Lars39]

5. lol...doen't feel like a fair trade, does it. :^)

I'm an empty-nester now, living vicariously. :D Seriously, glad you've got some friends that can fill the gaps when needed.

[frogmarch]

6. Before going nuclear,

my advice would be to talk to your MIL - and ask your wife to, as well - and tell her in no uncertain terms that she is not to engage your children in religious conversations or activities.

My husband and I had a similar problem with regard to his parents. Even though we'd told them not to try to brainwash our kids with religious crap, they kept right on, behind our backs. They were both kind and loving grandparents and our kids adored them (and so did my husband), so instead of blowing up and alienating them, my husband and I countered their nonsense by having conversations with our kids about the difference between make-believe and reality, and about how some people didn't know how to tell one from the other. We told them that their mom and dad considered all religions to be make-believe, but that some people, like their grandparents, who were Christians, thought that God, Jesus and angels were real. We told our kids to never be afraid to question things that didn't make sense, and to always try to distinguish reality from make-believe.

Our kids grew up with good thinking skills, and all three of them are happy atheists.

[Warpy]

7. Find another baby sitter.

Your kids are good, solid kids, but you never know what a religious nut is going to do to make sure their wee souls go up to the sky with those winged fairies.

You are not going to change your MIL. She is absolutely sure that what she's doing is the right thing for your children and there is nothing in the world you can do to convince her otherwise.

The good news is that she knows she crossed the line. That's why she mentioned it. Keeping her in the kids' lives with some supervision is a good thing. Kids need to be spoiled by grandma.

However, unless you want to bring the kids home and be regaled with stories of church, their baptism, and how neat the youth group is, find another baby sitter.

Really.