"I wonder what it's like to go to heaven"

[cynatnite]

That was my 10 year old son at dinner. All I said was when he was older, I was going to have a talk with him. I'm beginning to think my policy of live and let live might not be such a good one.

For the last couple of years, I've allowed my mother to take my son to church on Wednesdays. Never more than that because I feel it would be too much. Wednesday church was always more about fun as far as I knew, but now I'm beginning to have second thoughts.

I do believe it's okay to allow kids their innocence to a degree. Santa Claus, Tooth Fairy...I never cared that my kids believed in those things. They'd outgrow it. That's just life.

But the religious thing...no, not so much now. I figured Nathan might outgrow it, but his statement tonight has me concerned.

This whole issue has been very touchy around here...especially when it comes to my hardcore christian mother. I know she's talked to him and I've said nothing about it. I've kept quiet and let her have her way knowing that the time would come when it would be my turn.

Maybe I should begin engaging him on the subject. Ask him, "How do you know God is real?" and that sort of thing. Maybe taking it very slow, but enough for him to think about it. I want him asking questions, but I don't want to get crazy about this. I know I will have to tread very carefully since he's only 10.

Basically, I'm not comfortable with this whole thing and where it's heading. Any comments would be greatly appreciated.

[MrModerate]

1. He's ten years old. His capacity for magical thinking is much higher than yours . . .

Your mother's just one influence, and unlikely to be the dominant one, unless some trauma comes to surround the issue of religion. Hint-hint.

Ultimately, unless it's pounded into him (or he reacts oppositely to painful stimuli), it's unlikely to stick. Ultimately there's no there there, after all.

Chill. Ask him questions, but not "how do you know god is real," but "what do you think god is?"

etc.

[cynatnite]

11. Thanks. n/t

[Deep13]

2. Obviously your mother's and her church's objective is to convert...

...nonbelievers and at retain the believers they have. The theology is designed for that purpose. If the only thing he hears about this subject comes from them, that is what he will accept.

[GliderGuider]

3. Invite him to look around himself, wherever he is at the time.

What he sees around him is heaven. He is already there. What he sees is also hell. He is already there, too. There is no need for a special place for these, they are with us: around us and inside us. And the "magical" thing is that they are both present everywhere at the same time. It can be no other way -- there are no one-sided coins. Our task as human beings is to choose between them in every decision we make, and in every action we take.

There is no need for an anthropomorphic God to create Heaven and Hell, they are inherent in the structure of our reality and our perceptions and interpretations of it.

If you were to teach him something like that, religion will never find a hold on him.

[Evoman]

4. Show him a picture of Jesus and tell him that god died because he didn't eat his vegetables.

I mean, hey...you might as well take care of the god thing and make him eat his vegetable too.

Fuck, I'm gonna be an awesome parent.

[ZombieHorde]

5. I don't let my kids go to church.

When my sister had her children our family insisted her children be baptized, but our family did not even mention it to me when we had our kids. They know they can talk about themselves going to church, but if they mention me going to church they get the Christianity = foul garbage rant.

[Soylent Brice]

7. +1

my family doesn't even bother with trying to talk to me about it anymore.

the in-laws on the other hand...

[laconicsax]

6. You could approach it from the horror of eternal life.

You're in TN? You could frame it along the lines of an ant moving an entire mountain from Nashville to Memphis and back again one pebble at a time is only the very beginning of eternity. Most people realize how shitty eternal life would be when you highlight it in those terms.

[immoderate]

8. Real vs Imaginary

You might discuss that some things are real and some things are imaginary, and then point out when he "wonders," that he is using his imagination.

That might stimulate questioning.

--imm

[Meshuga]

9. You should address it if it makes you uncomfortable

I have a 7-year-old and I am honest with him about what I think. Your son is 10 so I think he is old enough to get your honest opinion. He doesn't have to agree with you but you can influence him to question.

[Warpy]

10. I know atheists with believer kids

and it usually came about because in later childhood, the kid wanted to hang with friends at a church youth group. The successful parents didn't make a huge deal about it, just provided transportation to and from and that was it. The kids go to church now as adults and they're believers.

While it's easier if our kids follow along and become just like us, it doesn't always happen. Hell, it doesn't often happen.

In my case, it was something my parents and I agreed to disagree about, but they ended up following me. Both died unbelievers, something I had nothing to do with.

Life is weird and the kid in the OP might not be brainwashed by Grandma. You might let him know that not everybody agrees with Grandma and that you're one of them and that faith can't come from outside, it has to come from inside. Personal boundaries are a great gift to give to kids.

[cynatnite]

12. I have told him that there are a lot of people who don't believe in god...

and it's okay not to. He seems to agree with this. That's as far as I've gone with it. He's only 10 and I want to tread carefully with him, but I worry, too.

Our middle daughter is somewhat a believer and I have no worries with her. It's my mother because she is hardcore christian.