FSTDT: Special "Coming Out of the Tomb" Edition

[onager]

I almost hijacked YankeyMCC's thread about jokes with this stuff. Because I couldn't find any good new sacriligeous jokes. Dammit.

So I went over to FSTDT and grabbed a few of the funniest things I could find...

That's the beauty of Heaven... we can leave our brains behind. - Lainy68, Rapture Ready 4/23/2009

I believe that all dinosaurs were born of Satanic angel who has sex with woman and the animal kingdom that created ungodly reptilian creatures none of these were on the Ark. - Stephen Johnson, Reported in Dallas News 3/25/2010

I'm actually glad that I am mentally ill because I have noticed that a lot of mentally ill people are Christians. - Jsmythe, rapture ready 9/21/2009

We humans have what? 3% for fresh water to drink. Now how is that possible. If 97% of the water is undrinkable, how did water evolve to be fresh water? - verlch, Skeptic Friends Network 5/17/2006

AT I-HOP—INTERNATIONAL HOUSE OF PRAYER KANSAS CITY this past week . . . God began touching folks’ teeth.

And one fellow had a full set of dentures . . . and they suddenly began to feel uncomfortable like there was something under them. He took them out and soon found he had a whole set of teeth growing in. I think they grew in fully before the evening was over... - Quix, Free Republic 3/30/2010

Serial killers, government tyrants, academic liberals, Catholic priests, politicians, Mormon Church higher-ups, Jewish rabbis, environmental extremists, communists, religious heretics, mass murderers, occultists, spies, and the Illuminati share something hideous and grotesque in common. Almost all are homo-sexual. - Rev. Louis P. Sheldon, Homosexuality is a sin 3/29/2007

And you thought The Handmaid's Tale was fiction...

Topic: Atheists should be stripped off parental rights...

I had an interesting talk with my pastor the other day. I showed him the posts of one "atheist female" from these boards and he was horrified to see that she is a mother.

Hundreds of Christian women are unable to have children because Satan gives children to atheistic females.

It's a also fact that atheistic females have a sexual contact with males outside the holy wedlock, for they are sinful and full of lust. They don't have right to carry children in their wombs. It is illegal and against the word of God. I don't want my child who is 9 years old to go to the same school with the child whose godfather is Satan. No, no! I shall not tolerate this any longer!

You atheists walk the earth only to blaspheme His Holy Name and His only Son Jesus Christ and the Holy Ghost! How dare you? Live your pathetic lives and only when you surrender your life to the Christ shall you proliferate by the blessing of the Church.

God bless you all to find the way out of Satan and if not may he smite you if his vengeance for your filthy and life full of debauchery. - Anna Palatini, Facebook Atheist discussion board 8/20/2009

[realisticphish]

1. re: the last one

i think it's time that atheists stop behaving with decorum. We already are assumed to lead lives of wild debauchery

So, I'm going to suggest that our local atheist group meet at a strip club instead of panera bread

[muriel_volestrangler]

2. But think of the awful clientele you'd find there

all those young Republicans ...

[realisticphish]

3. +1

[Warpy]

5. Only if the Chippendales are performing, dear

Remember, a lot of us are women.

[realisticphish]

6. we can alternate meetings

[awoke_in_2003]

4. the stupid in those posts

is as stunning as a 2X4 to the head