Dan Dennett's survey of non-believing ministers

[charlie]

Most of these poor guys are trapped, either financially or afraid of mortifying spouses and others important to them, sometimes both.

Dennett sees similarities in their situations and those of closeted gays. Nearly all are lonely and pursue friendships with parishioners they suspect are also unbelievers, sounding them out obliquely. Interestingly, none has ever been asked point-blank about their faith.

Jack, age 50, has been a Southern Baptist minister for fifteen years, serving mainly as a worship
leader in churches in various southern states. He has a bachelor’s degree in religion from a
liberal Baptist Christian college and a master’s in church music from a Southern Baptist
seminary. He’s been married for 25 years and has three teen-aged children.

He was raised nominally Christian, but his parents, who were abusive to each other and their
children, did not attend church. As a child, he did not know the basic tenets of Christianity and
did not think of Christmas as a Christian holiday. He first became involved in church activities
in high school at the invitation of a classmate. He stayed involved, as he put it, because of the
love:

“My attraction was the talk of love. So I said, ‘OK, I’m going to go toward this.
I’m going to explore this. I want this. The greatest love of all.’ Who wouldn’t
want that, as a human? Especially one who had been deprived of it, of some of
the basic needs of love, you know, from your parents.”

About ten years ago, he decided to read through the Bible very carefully. He did this completely
on his own, as a way to get closer to his faith. However, his study has had the opposite effect.

“The pursuit of Christianity brought me to the point of not believing in God. Not
that somebody did something mean to me. Let me tell you; ain’t nothing anybody
did in a church can compare to what my parents did to me, OK?”

“I didn’t plan to become an atheist. I didn’t even want to become an atheist. It’s
just that I had no choice. If I’m being honest with myself.”

“I’ve just this autumn, started saying to myself, out loud, ‘I don’t believe in God
any more.’ It’s not like, I don’t want to believe in God. I don’t believe in God.
And it’s because of all my pursuits of Christianity. I want to understand
Christianity, and that’s what I’ve tried to do. And I’ve wanted to be a Christian.
I’ve tried to be a Christian, and all the ways they say to do it. It just didn’t add
up.”

“The love stuff is good. And you can still believe in that, and live a life like that.
But the whole grand scheme of Christianity, for me, is just a bunch of bunk.”

He initially resisted his changing views:

“I wanted it to be true. And I kept telling myself, ‘I don’t understand.’ And, you
know, I devoted my whole life trying to understand. And finally I got to the point
where --- I’ve got to admit to myself this is how I feel. I can’t pretend any longer.
You know, this is probably just--- I really started getting this way probably in the
last 10 years. Realizing, ‘Hmmm, you know you’ve really given this one a chance, OK?’
It’s not like on a whim I decided to do something that didn’t work out. You know what I mean? I’ve given it a good chance.”

He related numerous examples of biblical thought that did not make sense to him, for example:

“OK, this God created me. It’s a perfect God that knows everything; can do
anything. And somehow it got messed up, and it’s my fault. So he had to send
his son to die for me to fix it. And he does. And now I’m supposed to beat
myself to death the rest of my life over it. It makes no sense to me. Don’t you
think a God could come up with a better plan than that?”

“What kind of personality; what kind of being is this that had to create these other
beings to worship and tell him how wonderful he is? That makes no sense, if this
God is all-knowing and all-wise and all-wonderful. I can’t comprehend that that’s
what kind of person God is”...

http://newsweek.washingtonpost.com/onfaith/Non-Believing-Clergy.pdf
(PDF file, 105K)

[realisticphish]

1. fascinating

I think a key part is that one doesn't choose to be an atheist. Life is much, much easier if America if you're a Christian. But you can't make yourself believe something you don't

[awoke_in_2003]

4. "one doesn't choose to be an atheist"...

no, one doesn't. Hell, I used to think I was a republican, too, even though I supported females right to decide, thought that gay folks should be allowed to marry, thought we spent WAY too much on the military, and that it was our responsibility as a society to care for those who cannot care for themselves. After the Iraq war I questioned everything I believed, and god dropped by the wayside too. Education is a dastardly thing- it teaches one how to think :)

[Ezlivin]

2. I was in the ministry when I became an atheist

After spending money and time to graduate from a conservative Southern Baptist seminary with a Master's degree and working for two years on staff I realized it was all make-believe. There was no god cranking out this stuff.

Once I clearly saw the human origins of the bible it was impossible to "un-see" it.

And since one of the two major focal points of my studies was apologetics (defending the faith), I was well acquainted with every argument for belief. Needless to say, seminary training has made me a deadly adversary for any hapless Xian who shows up on my doorstep. Despite promises to return, once they leave my house I never see them again. All done with a smile....

[lazarus]

3. studying the Bible is what did it for me

Although, deep inside, I always doubted. I had trouble with things in the Bible from the very beginning. But I was raised in the Deep South, so it was easier to be Christian. Once I got out of the peer pressure, I had a much easier time of it.