Would you like a little jesus with your sushi?

[Jokerman]

I've been going to a local sushi bar for lunch on a regular basis for the last year or so. The extremely talented sushi chef has yet to disappoint me but the other customers are driving me away. I realize that I live in the heart of a very red state but for some reason this establishment really seems to attract the loonies.

CNN is usually playing on the TVs and I've been in more arguments than I can count with right wingers over bush, war, terrorism, and other issues. I was even threatened by one jerk who took it as a personal insult when I flipped off the image of bush on the TV. I'm not one to back down when confronted by these assholes and I vowed not to let them keep me from one of my favorite restaurants, but today just may have been the last straw.

Today, one of the other regulars sat down beside me at the bar. After the usual small talk he asks me, "have you been saved?" My first response, "from what?" didn't slow him down one bit. Halfway through the blather about jesus saving me from damnation I put up my hand and said, "stop right there. I'm an atheist and I am quite secure in my convictions so save your breath."

To his credit, he apologized and promised not to bother me about it again. Unfortunately the Ann Coulter wanna be on the other side of him was interested. For the next twenty minutes I tried unsuccessfully to ignore their conversation. This guy claims to have been visited by angels on several occasions as well as had direct dialog with jesus and god. Just when I thought the conversation couldn't get any stranger, he moved on to faith healing.

Seems god granted him the power to heal. As far as he's concerned this is an indisputable fact. The best part was when he claimed to have cured a woman of breast cancer by "placing his hands on her breasts". I was trying my best to hold my tongue, considering he had honored my request to leave me alone, but this was too much.

I laughed out loud and told him that this sounded like one of the most despicable ploys to get your hands on a woman's breasts that I had ever heard. Then I added "let me guess, the next line has something to do with helping her out with that nasty yeast infection".

You could have heard a pin drop. Everyone looked at me like I'd suddenly sprouted horns. Fortunately, I was finished eating so I left my money on the bar and walked out, still laughing.

I don't want to give up one of my favorite lunches, but that place is just getting too weird.

[beam me up scottie]

1. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA !!!

I don't live all that far from you, can we do lunch ?

:rofl:

I can't even keep myself out of trouble here on DU !
Sometimes you just can't help yourself...

[Jokerman]

2. If you ever find yourself in naptown...

I'd welcome the company. Most my friends and co-workers wouldn't touch sushi with a ten foot chopstick. Your ability to detect and deflect bullshit would be quite handy around these folks.

[beam me up scottie]

3. Actually, I'm a rabid

vegetarian, but I do love good beer.:beer:

I'm temporarily (I keep promising myself) living in Kentucky where most people have the nosensofhumorous disease.

Speaking of sushi, it's ridiculous, you can sell these people anything if you have a little fishy on your door.

I avoid little fishies like the bubonic plague.
All that says to me is that the business owner believes christians are better than non.:mad:

Right down at the end of my road is a building that houses a dog-grooming parlour on one side and a Full Life Gospel Church on the other.
I have GOT to get a picture of that.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

4. My spider sense tells me that

a sizeable fraction of the patrons was DYING to laugh alongside you, but were afraid of consequences.

BTW, your assessment was dead-on. (I wonder how convincingly could I impersonate a faith healer?) :evilgrin:

[progressoid]

5. Haaaaahahahaha

That's the best thing I've read today! Thanks!

[Jokerman]

6. You are welcome.

Sometimes the only way to deal with these people is to be entertained by their outrageous ideas.

[BlueEyedSon]

7. A classic comic xtian SMACKDOWN!!

:rofl: