Got a god?

[Mich Otter]

If anyone has a god, or some other supernatural power connection, I'd like to learn about it. To be sure it is a real god or power I've come up with a small way to prove that I ought to be taking notice. I am open to accepting a real, knowledgeable power
I've got a little secret that only I, and whatever all-knowing powers there are, know about.
So, if you talk with a god, can read tea leaves, practice voo-doo, have an Ouija board or can otherwise contact a supernatural power, ask it my secret. The power ought to tell you my secret and how to contact me.
Even as I write this I know that if there is a real god, or some other supernatural power, it knows I have written this.
I would imagine a real god could get an answer back to me in, say, a week.

[beam me up scottie]

1. "A" god?

How DARE you???

The Flying Spaghetti Moster wants to have a word with you...

Oh, and I wouldn't bother getting dressed up, I understand Lasagna Hell is pretty messy.

[Mich Otter]

2. I think I ate the Flying Spaghetti Monster for dinner last night.

Sorry, I didn't know it was a god.
Tasted pretty good.

[salvorhardin]

4. You are blessed!

The FSM has already graced you with an answer -- a tasty Italianesque answer. You only need look deep inside to know it. Well, actually, you may need to look elsewhere if you've already had a bowel movement.

[Mich Otter]

5. Been there, done that, and flushed.

[beam me up scottie]

8. Ritual cannibalization.

Quite common in mainstream religions.
You just think you ate the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

[BlueEyedSon]

19. You were touched by his noodly appendage? rAMEN!

[WhollyHeretic]

3. God just PM'ed me and told me what you did to that poor sheep

that's disgusting and illegal in most states.

[Mich Otter]

6. Give up on that false god. Wrong answer.

[Modem Butterfly]

7. A cousin of mine was visited by this enormous swan...

You wouldn't BELIEVE what that swan wanted to do though...

[WMliberal]

17. sounds like my sister. This talking bull came to her

using some obscene language. He swore he was really Zeus. But she squirted shampoo in his eye.

[Beetwasher]

9. It's No Secret, The Whole Internets Knows About the Nipple Clamps and Car

Batteries fetish of yours. :evilgrin:

[Mich Otter]

10. Your screwed up excuse for a god can't even get the fetish right,

much less the secret. Give up on that false god.

[Beetwasher]

11. God? Feh!

I'd consult a Magic 8-ball before I'd consult a god. I'd at least I'd get an answer, and I'd even have 50/50 odds on it being correct.

Nope, that was pure, unadulterated, patent protected Beetwasher guesswork.

[Mich Otter]

12. "pure, unadulterated, patent protected Beetwasher guesswork"

"pure, unadulterated, patent protected Beetwasher guesswork" has about the same results as any god or supernatural power so far, which is zilch.
But, you're in famous company.

[Beetwasher]

13. How Would You Know?

What my track record is? Have you been privvy to every guess I've ever made? Actually, my guesswork is much better than any gods.

How're those nipple clamps coming along?

BTW, are you sure you're posting this in the correct group? You do of course realize that we are all atheists here and therefore unlikely to actually take you up on your challenge except to make jokes about it, don't you? If you want some actual believers to take you up, you'd do better posting this elsewhere. Just sayin'.

[Mich Otter]

14. Does it truly matter where I post this?

Really now, if there is some sort of real supernatural being I could've posted this on my bathroom wall. I'm just here to reinforce the point that there will be no answer coming, 'cause the gods are all imaginary. Unless, of course, one cares to show itself.
As for the nipple clamps, you still have the wrong fetish.

[Beetwasher]

15. It Depends On Your Objective

Why post it here then? Why NOT just post it on your bathroom wall?

I think I got it now...You secretly enjoy watching old reruns of "Soul Train" while hooking up your nipple clamps and car battery.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

16. I was thinking of doing this in a verifiable way.

Generate a file. Text or image. Make it weird enough that only you can describe it accurately.

Encrypt it. Use strong encryption like GPG and a maximum-size key. Publish the encrypted version.

Challenge people to supernatural reading like you did. After a generous period elapses (say, two years) reveal the private key and notice that nobody got it.

[Mich Otter]

18. "in a verifiable way"

While I believe all the gods are imaginary, I certainly have no proof that I am right and so many other people are wrong.
I have chosen a very simple idea which I recognize will only work for me.
Everyone can do it for themselves in their own way. Take your shot and see how you feel about the process and the result.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

22. When I say "verifiable"

I mean the woo-woos won't be able to say "How do we know you aren't lying? How do we know this is what you was thinking?"

With the encrypted version being publicly released beforehand, they can't say that.

[GOPFighter]

20. I meditated for hours last night

...and the answer came to me in a dream. You wrote: Axromunous tso crimeanous kant vranken zo furendumincular (sorry, it was dark and I didn't have a pen so I chanted it until morning and I could write it down. It may be slightly changed from the original because I had to pee real bad by dawn).

So what does it mean?

[Mich Otter]

21. "came to me in a dream"

It means you think Rose Anne Barr is hot and you came all over yourself.

[GOPFighter]

23. Aha, you're changing the subject.

I was right, huh? C'mon admit it.

[Mich Otter]

24. Your dreams are no more accurate than any of the other powers that be.

Wrong answer.

[Mich Otter]

25. 3 weeks later, where are the chosen ones?

I'd nearly forgotten about this thread.
Just thought I'd pass it on to all in cyberspace that no gods have come forth. They must truly all be dead, or else they are all still just imaginary.

[Zenlitened]

26. Well, see, a "week" actually means "a gazillion-or-somesuch years"

... or whatever figure we need to concoct, in order to try to make our little god-stories fit the evidence before us.

So, it hasn't been anywhere CLOSE to three god-weeks, yet.

Nyah nyah!

:hi:

[Mich Otter]

27. The truth hurts.

I guess I'll just have to stick around and wait.