I'm "self-employed" by marriage.

[Longhorn]

I started off really being a part of my husband's remodeling business. I helped clean the jobs, painted occasionally, ran errands, drew plans, and did the bookkeeping. But the fact is, it's his business, not mine, and it is not what I wanted to do with my life, although I obviously have some interest in it or I wouldn't be a member of this DU group!

I've resented the business over the years, mainly because my husband is so consumed by it that his business is the "other woman." However, I've learned to appreciate the business because it has provided us with a good income, allowing me more choices in my life, and because he really loves what he does.

I'm an employee of the business, which is an S-Corp, mainly so that I can contribute to the SIMPLE IRA (with a 3% company match) and an officer in the corporation. Our daughter is also an employee and she actually does most of the work, with a little supervision from me. I've been extricating myself from the business over the years and I think our marriage has improved because of it. The fact is, I have a different way of doing things (read: better) and he gets a little tired of hearing about it. The less I know, the easier it is for both of us! :D

Any other entrepreneurs by marriage?

[democratreformed]

1. Not really - but my mom was.

She and my dad had problems for years - mainly because his business kept him away from home much of the time. She used to tell me that, when I was three, he came home once and I hid under the bed b/c I was scared and didn't know who he was.

As far as my entrepreneurship (sp?), it is a long story as to how I got here. But, I can honestly say that my hubby and I are partners and did this together. He worked for my dad for 18 years. He spent the last 10 years or so as a foreman. I worked for my dad 6 years (actually still do) and learned the estimating, drafting, purchasing, and some "on the job" stuff (welding, cutting). I also learned basic system design.

So, when my mom died and it was best for my husband to leave my dad's business, we started our own. Legally, we each own 50%. He does all the "field" work. I do all the stuff I did for my dad plus I do the bookkeeping and payroll. I don't get out on the job much - but I do every once in a while. This summer, I spent a week in Memphis with him working to change bearings on all the screw conveyors in a rice mill. Then, I spent a few days on another job cutting channels for a support structure.

BTW, we have a small contracting business that works in the grain industry.

We make all our decisions together as far as finances, direction of our company, who we want to work for, etc. He takes care of the actual "work".

[Longhorn]

2. It sounds like a great partnership!

I tried to be more of a partner. When I quit teaching school once, I threw myself into the business, learning all about Quickbooks and getting things set up right. (That's one part of the business my husband can't stand so he was happy to let me at it!) But my heart wasn't in it and I decided to go back to school to get a master's degree so that I could teach at the community college level, which I now do.

I understand how your mom felt. We have four children and when they were young, they grew up knowing that the business was always going to come first. It took some nagging on my part but he did usually show up for baseball games and band concerts, even if he was sometimes late. I took the kids on vacation by myself every year, though he would occasionally fly out to meet us somewhere for a long weekend. They knew that he loved them but they also knew not to rely on him too much.

At the same time that I have learned that this is part of being self-employed, he has learned to "turn it off" now and then and not be so consumed by it, so I don't resent it like I used to. Of course, it helps that our kids are grown, too.

I don't know if it takes a strong marriage to survive being self-employed or being self-employed creates a strong marriage!

[democratreformed]

3. You and I have some things in common!

I quit teaching school too. Only, I went to work for my dad in his business. It wasn't until my mom died that my husband and I started our little business.

There were so many things going on after she died. We were all dealing with extreme shock and grief. He was trying to push a new woman on us within five months. At the same time, he was pushing us to completely take over his business. He was also keeping my husband out of town much of the time - b/c that was one crew he didn't have to run and "check on".

I remember asking him "What's the rush" (for us to get it "perfect")? He said he was in a hurry to get out b/c he was getting "older". In other words, he was reeling from the shock of my mom's death too. There were three of us kids. We finally had a "consultant" come in. I was being "groomed" to do most of the inside business operations (estimating, designing, purchasing). My brother was being groomed to "look good" (deal with customers since "They won't deal with a woman").

I kept asking them to let my husband come home. My sister and I wanted to set him up as the "Job Superintendent" so that he could oversee all the other foremen and be home more. They couldn't let him do that since he was our top foreman and made them too much money.

Finally, I told them that they just couldn't have both of us. With both of us being supposed to "live, eat, and breathe the business", there was no one left for our children. He was the first to leave. He worked for a different contractor for several months - for about half the pay. Finally, I made up my mind to sell my interest in our family business and use the money to start one for us.

I have gone back to work for my dad and my brother - for the health insurance and a paycheck. But, I no longer have anything to do with running it. I just work for them and do what they tell me. I go to work after I drop my son off at school. And, at quitting time, I leave.

In August, I enrolled in CAD classes at the local community college. Next fall, I am planning on going to Jonesboro to pursue a degree in mechanical engineering.