Today I have to deal with one of the boarders here. He's such a disaster.

[EFerrari]

He was the one that got his horse killed by oncoming traffic last year. I didn't know it was him at the time. Since then, he's also the idiot who put all those kids in the ATV. He's left broken water pipes flowing without notifying anyone. Last night, my helper found downed, live power lines in his area. His horses knocked the housing down and he just removed it and left the lines down. It's a miracle no one got shocked. He could have set his whole area on fire and this IDIOT has it locked down, so in a fire, I'd have to take an axe to his gate to free his animals.

This list goes on and on. He doesn't get along with anyone. I found fighting cocks hidden 'way back behind his stable. He sneaks people into the ranch the back way and they get drunk and blast their music.

I could cheerfully wring his neck but I'd need a third hand to do it.

He seems to be a practicing alcoholic and I've no idea what to say to him. If I told him to leave today, I'd be right. But that isn't fair to the animals. So, I have to give him one more chance and tell him exactly what will happen when he gets notice to leave (because of course he will screw up again) so he can plan what to do with them.

I think I have to tell him that next time, he will have two weeks to get his animals relocated and that he will be banned from here, and will have to find someone to care for them while he makes arrangements. He's capable of malice and violence on top of stupidity and drunkenness and I don't trust him.

Mom has been trying to surf his horrible behavior because I think she's a little afraid of him, and she's probably right. But this asshole is going to get someone killed if someone doesn't intervene so I guess that means me.

[ret5hd]

1. Personally, I would do the 2 weeks notice thing now, not later.

Sounds like you have plenty of reasons, it is a reasonable demand, and it saves you from having to deal with one more "later".

[EFerrari]

5. I'm going to talk to him this afternoon and have to think about it.

You're right -- all boundaries have been exceeded. But Mom's BP is up after a really stressful week and I can't put one more stresser on her today. I'm in a ditch, trying to put structure back into the situation. She's been handling the boarders but this is clearly more than she can do.

[LiberalLoner]

2. Really you MUST intervene. I know about alcoholics, and when they are

drinking it is ALWAYS bad news. I know from personal experience. I know you care about the animals - kick the guy out, call the humane association for the well being of the animals. they will come out and get the animals. Good luck.

[EFerrari]

9. Yeah, he was a time bomb. I didn't rent to him

and look forward to having a sober person in his stead.

[MineralMan]

3. Is there a lease?

If so, you're going to need legal help. If it's month to month, serve notice to the boarder, then follow up on an eviction. Why put up with this?

[EFerrari]

7. We run a commercial RE office here, too.

No, there's no lease and no written month to month agreement. He has no case.

[MineralMan]

10. I'd toss him now, then.

It just sounds like an untenable, dangerous situation to let him continue.

[emulatorloo]

12. I believe month to month doesn't need to be written to be enforceable.

It can be an oral contract.


So you will probably need to give him 30 days notice on Aug 1st.

Check out the laws in your state to be sure.

[EFerrari]

14. You're right but this isn't his residence.

He only boards horses here.

[emulatorloo]

16. Ah I though he was renting land.

Then you are probably ok to get him out as soon as possible.

[tosh]

4. Ugh!! Be careful.

It sounds like this guy should not be allowed responsibility for the well-being of any animals.

Please take care when dealing with him.

[EFerrari]

6. Thanks, I will be careful. Maybe I'll recruit a fair witness.

:)

[emulatorloo]

8. To me, the downed powerlines seems like the last straw.

I understand your wanting to give him one more change, On the otherhand it sounds like he truly is a danger to his animals. And a SERIOUS danger to the other boarders. The next time he could cause serious harm.

My thoughts are with you, this is very tough.

[EFerrari]

11. I don't know if you saw this but last year, I had my studio door open

and saw a bunch of little kids go buy in an ATV. He brought a whole carful of kids here and stuffed them into this little car and let an ELEVEN YEAR OLD take off with them. I almost had a heart attack right there.

[emulatorloo]

13. No I didn't see that. That scares me so much.

[EFerrari]

15. I was so scared myself that all I could do was run out there

and tell the driver to stop and take the keys. I couldn't even speak. And you know how rare that is. lol

[nykym]

17. MAybe you could find out when

the next cock fight is and alert the authorities, he would get busted for gambling and such and the aspca, would come in and rescue the animals.

[EFerrari]

18. The birds are gone. And it's very sad because

those beautiful birds are bred to fight. That means, they have to live isolated or they try to kill each other or any other bird when you put them in a group so they are euthanized by the county.

[msongs]

19. first you need to quit making this personal and treat it like a business deal, which it is...

all those issues are irrelevant to his renting and being removed. Just send notice to vacate. No reason required. Does not have to be on the first of the month date. Money due can be prorated, but it may be better to just forget about getting more money. Depending on your state laws the terms are all spelled out. If he doesn't get out, hire an eviction agency and refer him to them and do not even talk about it. Depersonalize the issue.

[EFerrari]

23. He's not a resident. He just boards his horses here.

There is no eviction company that will deal with him. This is my job, unfortunately.

[dixiegrrrrl]

20. Seriously, you have a problem.

The guy has NO sense of responsibility and NO sense of boundaries.
So when YOU set a boundary, he will try to ignore it, or argue about it, and may even become threatening.

That is why you really should consider the following:

Write down each of the instances as you have described them: the ones relating to water, power lines, neglect of animals, etc. ( Leave out the ATV issue, that is not going to help). The power lines were the last straw, btw.

Send him the letter with a 2 week notice to depart.

IF his animals are in poor shape and you have a helpful ASPCA, have them come out and document status of his animals
before sending the letter.

When he shows up to move his animals or to argue with you, make sure you have at least TWO big burly serious people with you the whole time and repeat only one sentence to him:
"This is not negotiable, you must move your animals by ( date_________)."
Do NOT say " I am sorry" or anything else, do not argue, just repeat your boundary, as many times as it takes, firmly, matter of factly.
If you have to, pick a friend and role play ( we used role playing a lot with families in showing them how to confront addicted family members)

He WILL stall for time. Do not let that happen.
Have Plan B if the animals are not moved by the date.
This is critical, because he will attempt to move around your boundary, or change it, by promises, by bargaining, even by threats.

If he seems to want to continue to argue, have a ready reason that you have to exit the conversation, which should be an outdoor conversation btw. NOT in your house or confined area.
You have stated your position, there is no need to keep yakking about it.

Have someone come to you with a phone call you have to answer, any excuse for YOU to leave the area, but leaving the big burly witnesses there to keep an eye on what he does next.
If he makes any threats, you have witnesses, and MUST file a report of the threat with the sheriff/local police.

I have worked with alcoholics and "King Babies" for 30 years, and I will guarantee you that he thinks he can continue the behavior because you have not forced him to change it after all the previous incidences.
"Talking to" someone like that about a problem and expecting change will NEVER work. Only setting and enforcing boundaries will stop the problem......for YOU. He will just go somewhere else and be an asshole, but you will be able to breathe better.

And, btw, you indicated you are afraid of what he may do IF you put your foot down.
That alone speaks volumes about how serious the situation has gotten.

Trust me, there is only one way to deal with the kind of guy you describe.

[EFerrari]

22. I really do hear that. I do have a problem.

And I do feel physically at risk. That's why Mom let him slide so long. And that was wrong. She's going through a transition because of her age and while dealing with addicts isn't new to me, dealing with an aging parent is. So I've been slow to identify tasks that she can't manage any more and because she's not aware of them, she doesn't ask for my help.

I've lived with addicts and believe me, I am practicing NOW because of the gigantic suction I know I'll be stepping into. And broken record works, witnesses works, too. I've recruited one person but one more would be better. Good call.

[dixiegrrrrl]

27. Pls keep us updated.

Always a time of nervous tummies, for sure.

:hi:

[EFerrari]

28. A time for planning. Dealing with someone like this

you need to think it through carefully first. Mom is going out for the evening so at least, I won't have to worry about that tonight.

It'll be okay. Thanks. :hi:

[dgibby]

21. Report him to the appropriate authorities for

neglect of his animals and illegal cock fighting. He shouldn't be allowed to own animals.

[EFerrari]

24. His horses are in good shape and I got the birds removed already

so if the sheriff comes here, he won't see anything. That's this guy's pattern, creating disasters that other people deal with like those lines last night. I don't think there's anything the authorities can do for me at the moment.

[dgibby]

25. I feel for you.

He sounds like a borderline personality disorder. Quick and dirty definition of a BPD: if you want th slap them and you haven't even met them yet, they're BPDs.

[EFerrari]

26. LOL. I wrote a book about BPD and you may be right. nt

[badhair77]

29. What happened with the boarder?

I hope it all worked out.

[demguy72340]

30. delete

[chillspike]

31. It sounds like somebody's in love. ;)