OT and personal, but I could use good vibes

[Blaukraut]

Sunday night my oldest daughter had a little baby girl, Sascha. She was born 12 weeks prematurely and is currently in NICU in Gulfport, MS. She was doing well until this morning when she was diagnosed as anemic and was given a blood transfusion. She is on a respirator and has now developed a small hole in one of her lungs, and needed to have a chest tube put in place to release the air buildup in her chest wall. She is still being fed intravenously, but the doctors were hoping to tube feed her breat milk by tomorrow.

I'm scared, nervous, and that's only a fraction of how my daughter is feeling. Been trying to be hopeful and positive for her sake but this is really nerve-wracking. Do any of you have any experience with preemies?

On edit: please mods don't move this post. I feel safe with my fellow kerrycrats and wouldn't want this post in the lounge. Thanks.

[Luftmensch067]

1. Sending prayers and hugs!!!

I was only a month premature, but had to be in an incubator for a while. I'm hoping Sascha is soon in good shape and that the breast milk really starts her on the path to excellent health. Will be praying for her and for your daughter and your whole family. Please keep us posted! :grouphug:

[cadmium]

2. Blau it is not

unusual for a leak to develop as a consequence of a respirator's pressure- especially in an infant. When she is breathing OK they will probably be able to pull out the tube without a problem. I would be optimistic (nervous of course) based on what you wrote.

[Blaukraut]

21. Thank you Cadmium. That made me feel much better.

Hearing about the hole really scared me at first. Thank you!

[MBS]

3. I'm no expert on this stuff

. . so a good thing that Cadmium is here with useful advice!
For whatever it's worth, I think it's great they're planning to get her on breast milk asap.
Thinking about all of you! :hug:Best wishes

[karynnj]

4. Best wishes to you, your daughter and granddaughter

No knowledge at all, but wanted to wish you all the best. It likely has to be even harder with them so far away. :grouphug:

[wisteria]

5. There are many cases of preemies younger than your new granddaughter thriving and doing well.

I have no personal experience with preemie's, but my one daughter did have medical issues when she was born and I can tell you to stay strong, think positive and never give up hope. Prayer helps also, relying on something bigger than yourself to carry this heavy burden. You are all in my prayers and I wish you all nothing but the best outcomes.

[TayTay]

6. All my love and prayers for you and your daughter

My first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage. My second resulted in a preemie. My baby girl was born at the Brigham and Women's NICU at 35 weeks. I started going into labor at 7 months, the first time was actually while I was on the MBTA subway train, and I had to be at bed-rest after that. Long story short, we knew my little one was not ready to be born, but she decided otherwise. (She was also a breech.)

My husband and I arrived at the hospital on a Saturday afternoon. My poor husband had been up for most of 4 days because of preemie labor comings and goings. We were going to try and "turn" the baby the following Monday, but, well, this time we could not stop the contractions. This was a pregnancy in trouble. By the time I got to the operating room I think every damn OB-GYN and intern at the Brigham was there to see this birth. (Doctors get all excited at the difficult stuff. I swear I thought for years after that there wasn't a doc in Boston who didn't see me in that operating room. See, ah, all of me. And I didn't care.)

My baby was born via emergency c-section when scans showed she was in trouble and might not make it. She was whisked away from the operating room and I never got to hold her. I was sent upstairs to recover, into the ward where everyone had a baby with them. But not me. I remember it being 10:30 at night and everyone had gone home. It was just groggy ole me, scared and alone and fearful that I might never hold my child alive. I remember calling my father on the phone. Poor man. I was trying to prepare him for something bad happening. I remember worrying that he would think badly of me for having failed at birthing a child. Silly, irrational thing to think, but I thought it.

I first saw my baby girl the next day when I was wheeled into the NICU. This teeny weeny little doll could not be my baby, I remember thinking. Babies were rolly-polly and this baby was too small to be mine. (Smallest baby ever born in my family was a runty 8 lbs.) This baby had tubes in her arms, her legs and her belly. This baby had breathing apparatus on her and was hooked up to fearsome looking machines. This could not be my baby. My baby was not a cyborg. This was some sort of strange nightmare that I was having.

Then I met the NICU nurses. Those nurses not only saved my little girl, I think they saved me as well. They told me to put on the antiseptic gowns and gloves and go over and touch my baby. Talk to her, touch her still perfect, if tiny, hands and feet and head. The nurses told me my baby was a fighter. That her lung infections were severe, but that she was slowly responding to the care. We would not know how this would turn out, this business of life and death, for a while yet. But I needed to be with my baby and help her fight.

My little one "turned the corner" a few days later. She rallied and we knew that she would win the battle. That was May 28th, my birthday, and I swear I have never asked for a present on that day since. (I think you will agree, I got my present.)

I spent a lot of time looking through baby catalogs for preemie clothes. I still have a couple of those outfits. They don't look like anything that could ever fit a human baby. They look like doll clothes.

BTW, my baby is now at Northeastern University, mere blocks away from that place that saved her life. She's still a damn fighter.

Anything I can do to help, call me. I will never forget what that was like. I wish you and your daughter and your granddaughter all the best. If the little one is anything like her Mom and Grandma, I think we have another fighter on our hands.

[MBS]

12. not only that, but that daughter is gorgeous, too : )

Beautiful and apt example.

[Inuca]

14. What a story Tay!

Close to tears and smiling while reading.

[TayTay]

17. Having a preemie is so hard

You don't get to have the happy baby scenario you thought you would. When I look back on it now, I realize that I was in a sort of shock after the birth. What happened was not, in any way, what I expected. I felt so lost and like I had failed.

I needed support and love and a shoulder to cry on for a while. I needed those nurses to tell me that I didn't fail and that I needed to be there for my daughter NOW. She needed me, she needed the sound of my voice, my love and my heart.

If I was to offer any support, it would be that shoulder to cry on. It's okay to be worried. It's okay to ask for help. And TALK TO THE NICU NURSES. They are gifts to help you get through this time. The nurses are there with the baby 24/7 and will get you through this period. (The docs are wonderful, but the nurses are the babies guardian angels 24/7. Talk to them. It will ease your mind and heart.)

K, I know you are sick with worry. Worry for the baby, worry for your daughter. Please let me know if there is anything I or we here in this group can do. We are there for you hon!

[Blaukraut]

20. Thank you, Tay

I can only imagine how it must be as the mom to have to go through this. It's a rollercoaster of good news, bad news, good days, bad days. I'm glad for all of your advice and passed it on to Sarah. She is thankful and happy that she isn't alone, that there are grown preemies who live to tell the tale. Just knowing you guys are here means the world to me. :grouphug:

[TayTay]

23. You and your daughter are fighters

Little Sascha will be too.

Are you going down to MS to see her?

[JI7]

7. hopes to Sascha to get better

[YvonneCa]

8. Congratulations...

...on your new granddaughter! My experience with preemies is from 2 years ago when my youngest daughter had her baby girl delivered six weeks early (placenta abrupta). She was the smallest baby EVER in our family...but she was (and still is) quite a feisty liitle thing! :7

It is amazing what NICU care is able to accomplish these days. I just wanted to say that, and let you know I will keep you, the baby and your daughter in my thoughts and prayers. :grouphug:

[ladym55]

9. Sending thoughts and prayers

Right now I'm thinking about several young adults I know who also had really rocky starts as preemies. Some are in grad school, some are already launched on careers, and one is an honors student in high school.

It is definitely not an easy way to start. Please know I'm joining my prayers with all the others for you, your daughter, and your grandbaby. :grouphug:

[ProSense]

10. I'm so sorry to hear that.

I will keep Sascha in my prayers and send positive thoughts to you, your daughter and entire family.

[sandnsea]

11. Warm thoughts to all of you

My step-son's girlfriend had their little girl early last August. She weighed about a pound or so. She's doing great, no real problems thus far. I hope it works out as well for you. :hug:

[beachmom]

13. My good thoughts and prayers going out to you, your daughter, and for the baby.

I don't have any info (glad to see Cadmium did), but know you have friends "out there" pulling for you and your family.

[Inuca]

15. Big virtual hug Blaukraut

and 1001 good thoughts. No experience whatsoever with anything similar (being born myself at 8 months does not count). Keep posting about this please when you can and let us know how it is going. Bestests of wishes.

[Mass]

16. All my thoughts to you and your family.

It is a very difficult time for you and her. My two sons had to stay for an extended time in NICU when they were born, and I really feel for your daughter to have to go through that.

My youngest son developed a small hole in the chest as well, while it is scary, he is fine now (he is 17), and has never had any respiratory problems since he was 2. My oldest had to a full exotransfusion when he was born because his liver was producing too much bilirubine. He is now in college and in perfect health.

Teose are scary moments and your daughter should not hesitate to ask any question she has to the doctor. Being informed is key and sometimes doctors forget we did not all study medicine. Science continues to make progress and children born earlier and earlier end up having good prognosis.

:hug: to you and your family.

[Blaukraut]

22. Thank you Mass. Knowing that your babies had similar troubles

and are alive and well is such a relief. It helps to know that the bad outcomes are more of the exception than the rule these days :)

[blm]

18. ((( )))

.

[Blaukraut]

19. Thank you guys so much!

You can't imagine how uplifting your well-wishes, your personal experiences (with positive outcomes!) are to me and the family. I called Sarah to tell her about this post and all the replies and she was so happy to know that people are rooting for her and Sascha.

The baby is doing well today. Sarah said they did and MRI and found a bleed in her brain, but again apparently nothing too worrisome. It sure sounds scary to me, though.

On edit: almost forgot. She took some breast milk through a tube for the first time last night. It was only half a teaspoon but it's progress :)

Here she is, all 2 lbs and 11 oz of her.

[TayTay]

24. Welcome Sascha!

So glad you are here!

Oh K, she is beautiful.

My son wasn't really a preemie, but we had a minor scare with him. The chambers of the heart of an infant slowly close during their time in the womb. This closure usually happens by the time of birth, but sometimes the closure happens after the child is born. I remember getting a phone call on my son that he had "a hole in his heart." Scared the crap out of me. Required NO treatment; it closed on it's own as he grew.

Just another little thing that may or may not be useful.

Again, your granddaughter is beautiful. Congratulations to you and Tony.

EDit: Michelley had a full blood transfusion at birth as well. Her lungs were undeveloped and she had to have a respirator for a while as well.

[Blaukraut]

26. Thanks, Tay.

You have no idea how helpful it is to hear of similar experiences that turned out well.Because when I look at her pictures I want to cry. She looks so fragile and tiny and I think: How can all those tubes, that tape all over her, be good? The tubes look heavy, the tape looks like it will tear that fine skin when it gets pulled off...I'm just really a wreck.

I plan on going down to see them once Sarah brings Sascha home. That's when she'll need the most help. She also has to find a place to live off-base because she's been living in the dorms up until now. This baby was definitely not planned, as you can probably imagine.

[TayTay]

27. Babies are fighters

Oh God do you bring back memories. I thought the same thing about my daughter when me I first saw her. She was so little. (Sascha is even tinier than Michelle was. However, Sascha actually had good weight at 28 weeks. Over 2 lbs is good, in terms of her long-term growth and recovery.)

So, so tiny to be getting such care. But seriously, think of her as your little fighter. I am absolutely amazed how quickly preemies can move forward. I remember being so numb with worry and then being told that my daughter had "turned the corner." She just recovered from there. We had been through days of hell and then, bam, she is better and just likely to stay so from here on out. And so it was.

Virtual hugs galore for you, Sarah, Tony and little Sascha. Hang in there. And I know what you mean about having a support network around you. We expect the perfect birth experience and it didn't happen. Instead of this happy picture of bringing a bouncy, fat, healthy baby home, the baby has to stay in the hospital for a while and the baby is hooked up to all those machines. However, the other side of that is how much it makes you appreciate that little life.

Do you or anyone else in your family (of for that matter, here on DU JK) sew or knit? Because there are a number of patterns online for preemie outfits.

[Democrafty]

33. Yes, K, anything you need.

Just let us know.

[Mass]

25. What a beautiful baby.

I had forgotten how scary this looks when they are in this environment.

If she can take real food, it is a good sign, even if it will probably take a while before she can drink from a bottle.

My youngest had to have oxygen at home for about 6 months (at night after a while) after he was off the respirator, in order to maintain his sat of oxygen.

[MH1]

28. I'm a little late but I hope all continues to go well and she continues to improve

I have 0 experience in this area but from the other posts it sounds like she should be headed for a good outcome.

Good luck to you all and hang in there!

[Luftmensch067]

29. She really is beautiful!

Good news about the breast milk! Sending prayers and love to you all.

[ProSense]

32. How precious.

She's such a tiny doll. I'll keep praying that she gets stronger every minute. Thanks for the pic and update.

[karynnj]

34. So sweet and beautiful

I hope the baby will soon be strong enough to go home and you will have the chance to visit your little grandchild.

[wisteria]

35. She is gorgeous. n/t

[BlueIris]

36. Awwww. She is very beautiful.

I don't know if this helps, but I have a good feeling.

[OneGrassRoot]

37. Ah, precious Sascha!!!

Sending abundant positive vibes and hugs of support for you all!!!

Beauuuuutiful baby!!! :)

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

[Kind of Blue]

38. Blaukraut, I will say a prayer for precious Sascha.

And thanksgiving that she's continuing to thrive. That's one strong girl. :hug:

[politicasista]

30. Thoughts and good vibes...

Thanks to you and everyone for sharing your stories. Peace.

:grouphug: :hi:

[fedupinBushcountry]

31. My thoughts are with you

your daughter and your precious granddaughter, Sascha I don't have any info but I see that other Kerrycrats have given you much needed encouragement.{{{{{Blaukraut}}}}} {{{{{Sarah}}}}} {{{{{Sascha}}}}}

:grouphug:

[ObamaKerryDem]

39. Sending thoughts, prayers, and good vibes you, your granddaughter and your family's way! :)

[Blaukraut]

40. Update:

Sascha has developed a hole in her other lung now, too. Her heart stopped several times today and her blood oxygen level has dropped below 65% isn't going up anymore. She will probably not make it through the night and Tony and I are flying down tomorrow to be with Sarah when the time comes to let Sascha go.
I want to thank all of you once again for being there for us through this. I wish I could report better news. My heart is broken.

[ProSense]

41. Oh no.

I'm crying at this news. Please know that I will keep Sascha her parents and your entire family in my prayers.

[karynnj]

43. Oh no,

:grouphug: my sympathies and prayers for your family

[wisteria]

46. I am so sorry to hear such sad news. I will be praying for you all. n/t

[Blaukraut]

42. Final Update:

Sascha went to sleep in her mom's arms a while ago. She went peacefully and without pain. Slipped away as silently as she came into this world.

Thank you everyone for being here for us. I will give Sarah all your virtual hugs tomorrow.

[politicasista]

44. Prayers are with you and your family

during this rough time.


Peaceful journey Sascha. :grouphug:


And another :grouphug: for you.

[Luftmensch067]

45. So sorry

My heart is breaking for you and your family. Very glad you will be there with Sarah. Hugs and love to you all.

[wisteria]

47. For the short amount of time she was hear on earth she touched us all.

My sympathies to you all.

[YvonneCa]

48. ...

... :hug:

[TayTay]

49. I am so sorry for all of you

My deepest sympathies and condolences from both me and my husband.

I will be thinking about you all this weekend.

[Mass]

50. So sorry

My heart goes to you and your family in this difficult moment.

[cadmium]

51. I am so sorry to hear this

please be well.

[karynnj]

52. So sorry to hear this

sympathy and condolences from Eric and I to you, Tony and Sarah.

[Democrafty]

53. Thinking of you and your family with lots of love

and wishing you peace and strength at this difficult time.

[ObamaKerryDem]

54. *tears up* I am so, so sorry, Blaukraut. :*(

The loss of a child--especially a baby--is always so heartbreaking. I can't even imagine how much that would hurt. My heartfelt sympathies go out to you, your daughter, and your entire family. :hug:

[Island Blue]

55. Oh Blaukraut, I'm so sorry to hear this news.

So heartbreaking. I can't imagine the pain you are all feeling at this time. Hugs to you, Sarah and your entire family.

[ProSense]

56. Heartbreaking.

So sorry. Lots of hugs.

[BlueIris]

57. I'm so terribly sorry to read this. All my best to your and your family.

((((( Sascha )))))

[blm]

58. ((( )))

.

[JI7]

59. i'm so sorry

thoughts to your family

[sandnsea]

60. I am so terribly sorry

I did not see the thread come back to the top and just thought everything must be okay. How horrible for all of you, especially your daughter. She must be very nearly inconsolable. I can't even imagine. Sending all my very best to all of you for courage and grace through this difficult time.

[fedupinBushcountry]

63. My deepest sympathy

You, Sarah and your family are in my thoughts and my heart at this time. A new little star is shining bright in the sky and it's name is Sascha. :hug:

[Inuca]

64. Blaukraut.... what can I say....?

:hug: :cry:

[MH1]

65. I am so sorry Blaukraut

This is so sad. Hugs to you and Sarah and condolences for this difficult time.

[whometense]

66. Blaukraut,

I'm so, so sorry. Words fail. It is a great tribute to the JK group, and an honor to all of us, that you felt safe and comfortable coming here at such a difficult time.

My thoughts are with you and your family. Your daughter is fortunate to have such a wonderful, supportive mother to help her and her husband get through this.

[MonteLukast]

61. ((((((Blaukraut))))))

:pals:

[MBS]

62. Oh, Blaukraut.

I've been out of town, so learned only now of the latest on your grandaughter.

From the moment I became a parent, I quickly understood what's obvious to all parents (and granparents): the loss of a child is the worst loss of all.Every story I read about or hear about --even about people I don't know--just hits me in my gut. I can only imagine that what you and Tony and your daughter are going through must be about a million times worse .

My thoughts and prayers to all of you. Above all, I am SO glad you'll be there with your daughter, and that you can be there for each other. The love and mutual support of family is everything at times like this. :hug:

[Blaukraut]

67. Thank you, each and everyone!

Kerrycrats, you can't even imagine how much this outpouring of sympathy and well-wishes meant to all of us. Tony and I got back from Gulfport this afternoon, leaving Sarah in good hands with her First Sergeant and Commander, and her fellow tech school students. The Air Force really is like a big family that takes care of their own. We got to stay for free in a house on base that was especially built for occasions such as ours, Family emergencies.
Sarah still has a lot to deal with, and some of the worst is yet to come, but she will be alright.

Again, I will be forever grateful to you guys for caring. :grouphug:

[ladym55]

68. Oh, Blaukraut!!!

I hadn't been on DU in awhile, so hadn't heard about Sascha. I'm so very, very sorry.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your whole family during this very painful time for all of you.