Loss and gain

[TayTay]

Ok, I admit it, I have been somewhat schizophrenic on this site lately. Cards on the table, this is why.

I still have not been able to find a permanent job. I had a couple of very short term contracts in the last 2 years, but nothing of substance and nothing that relieves the stress and gloom and worry of being unemployed. This has taken a severe toll on me and my family, as it does on everyone else in this predicament. I have good days and not-so-good days. Lately, the latter has been in the ascendancy.

There are battles we all have within. Sometimes they are over illness, or concern for family members or finances or any of the other multiple afflications that flesh is heir to. Mine right now is financial. It has been going on for a long-time. It is worse at this time of year.

This will be the third Christmas in a row that I can't really have a Christmas. (Damn, I love Christmas too. This kind of sucks.) It's not about buying material goods, it's about a respite and being able to celebrate a season of light with something like light in the heart. That feeling of renewal and family and peace just ain't there this time around and I miss it.

Unemployment is hard on people in a lot of different ways. I have had to borrow money from relatives. Doing this once or twice is hard enough, having to do it more than that is utterly demoralizing and depressing. I am blessed with a warm and loving family. They have been amazing, yet, I still feel like a whore when I have to call someone up again and tell them that we can't pay the bills this month, again. Please, please, please can I borrow a few bucks. Just to tide me over until I "get something." (I don't know when. At least I am getting call backs now for interviews, but cos don't hire in Dec.)

Sometimes, the biggest victory of the day comes when you actually get out of bed in the morning. There are days when I just don't want to engage the day from fear of what else will go wrong. That is just the way this cycle goes right now. There are good days and bad days. You fight the bad days. I try to think of 5 positive things I can do everyday, but I don't always make it. Sometimes I just want don't want to hope any more, it hurts too much.

I am not the only person who feels this way. There are legions of the damaged out there right now. We are doing the best we can, trying to hold on and find something to be hopeful about. It's day by day. So are the moods and the ability to climb the ladder and express some sort of hope and optimism in writing. I do it better on some days than others.

Anyway, I have been hit or miss on this site for a while. This is why.

[beachmom]

1. I am sorry this period of unemployment has gone on so long for you, Tay.

The situation just stinks. Although smaller in scope, I had an employment then underemployment problem during the early '90s recession. I know what you mean by a victory being getting out of bed.

Call me crazy, but I have found what you have written here lately to be excellent. We are trying to figure out what is next politically, and I can always count on your wise posts.

I don't know if it will provide solace to you at all, but NPR's Planet Money is an excellent program to make sense of what the hell is going on with our economy. This episode helped me understand why it's going so slowly and a ray of hope for the future. It all comes down to housing, and affects everyone, even renters.

http://www.npr.org/blogs/money/2010/11/02/131017239/the-tuesday-podcast-the-end-of-the-housing-bust

That's my wonky response to your post. But as a friend, know that I am thinking about you and hoping that a great job comes your way very soon.

[TayTay]

2. Thanks!

It was actually harder for my husband when he was out of work. (Part of our problem is the six months we were both unemployed. It's damn hard to climb out of that hole.)

I feel bad about this predicament. Things are better than they were, in that I am least getting calls now for interviews. (There was nothinig, nothing for soooooo long.) It was just worse for my husband. (He was out for 2 years.)

It's very hard to discuss gender roles in our society. I think we like to posit that we have outgrown gender-based roles in the family. We haven't. My husband went through an even worse depression than I did. His feelings of failure were so much worse. Maybe it's because he is an old fart now (LOL) but he felt like he had abandoned us. Thank God (or what ever higher power there be) that he went back to work. That was a godsend.

There are good days and bad days. I bet everyone on this board who has been through this knows what I mean. We come here to be in the company of friends because it makes the good days warmer and the bad days shorter and easier to bear. That is what friends do.

[Luftmensch067]

3. So sorry you've had this added to worry about your mom

I hate asking for financial help, myself, so I can imagine how hard that must be. Even though you know on a rational level that you have all the skills and more than most to merit any number of very good jobs, living in a time like this when no one is hiring is just plain discouraging, rational or not.

I'm glad to hear that you are getting call backs, but having to go through another holiday season like this is no fun at all. I'll be sending good thoughts and prayers that something comes through soon in terms of employment, and also hoping for some good old-fashioned Christmas miracles for you and yours. They do seem to happen sometimes in the season of light!

I agree with Beachmom -- I've never seen one of your posts here (including this one) that didn't contain universal wisdom that we can all learn from and find comfort in. You're a born philosopher and you write well, too!

Take care of yourself and I'll look forward to your posts whenever you feel moved to write them.

Hugs to you and your family.

[TayTay]

9. You went through it with your Dad

That worry alone is enough to consume all your attention and affections. On top of everything else, it just seems draining. (I also had the OD this summer of my cousin's son. That was also awful.)

There comes a time when you level with people and say, I'm not at my best here and I need some moral support. Oddly enough, even to the most thickheaded of us, we have to break down and actually tell people, hey, I'm not all right at this moment. I'm not feeling myself and here's why. I think that is an especially difficult thing for us closed New Englanders to do. But, other folks are not psychic and if you want help, you actually have to say why. (Help in terms of sharing out a load, picking someone else's brain, asking if maybe they heard about opening, can critique a resume, can make me laugh when I most need to. That sort of thing is needed so badly.)

I love you guys. I owe you a frank explanation of what's going on and why I am not here regularly right now. It's what friends do for each other.

[MBS]

4. well, as Bill would say, " I feel your pain"

I would wish for every politician (ahem, especially Republican politicians) to have gone through a period like this, or to have a close family member go through a period like this. . one would hope that people with direct experience of such things would then understand how their abstract policies and campaign slogans are not just games with which to gain power and political points: THEY ARE PLAYING WITH PEOPLE'S LIVES. Economic policies MATTER. Health care reform MATTERS. The stimulus MATTERS. Equal opportunity MATTERS. To real, live, very worthy human beings. The current Republican crew is so hopeless that possibly they would never get it, even if they had lived it. But maybe for a few, the truth would sink in. .one could always dream.

I can't think of anyone more deserving of a job -- of a GOOD job -- than you! Anyone with any sense should jump at the chance to have someone with your savvy, your wisdom, and your writing skills on board. Sounds like they're finally waking up Out There, and noticing what you can offer. It's about time!
MLK said it best: "The arc of the universe is long, but it bends toward justice." May it bend toward a good job for you very soon! May even before Christmas. . . wouldn't that be nice!!

Hang in there, Tay.
:hug:

Also,if it's any comfort, I've noticed in my little life that things come in bunches. Of COURSE all this would happen on top of your mom's illness. In my experience, in fact, things always work this way. Just think: the next bunch of stuff is bound to be good! You're way overdue!

[TayTay]

10. You know what it's like

I think some cases of unemployment are near criminal in their origin. I think the "money-changers" where you worked are such a bunch. I actually feel so bad about your loss because it feels like this takes out a part of our future. The work you do (and will do again) is necessary and vital. The idea that the "money-changers" error was so bad that it took out scientists and researchers (but preserved the jobs of the financial speculators) is, honest-to-god, a disgusting act. This is betrayal on a fundamental level. I feel bad for education and students when programs and studies and superb teachers are cut. That literally endangers our future as a nation.

This feels like a test. Maybe it does for everyone when they go through it. For my part, I feel like I have to stop hiding away. The worst part of longterm unemployment is the loss of self-esteem. It wears away, little by littl. It becomes an effort to do what you have to do, which is get up each day and try again, no matter what. I have to do this. If I can't do this, I have to find others who can help me do this. Soetimes the strongest act is to ask for help. I'll drown if I don't stop pretending that all is well. Hey, as somebody said once, "I'll get by with a little help from my friends."

So, I have to learn how to ask for help. Not financial help, but help for my soul. I need it.

And, I need to be there for others. Maybe I should write about this. I have a standing offer to be a 4th editor for a big blog in my area. Maybe I should do it. (Argument against: ahm, my job is to look for work, not dawdle with yet more blogs. Argument for: I write myself sane. If I can't write about something, I can't feel it. That's how it works for me.) Maybe it's time to bite the bullet, admit that I am human and occasionally have bad things happen to me and write about it. Eh, couldn't hurt, I guess, but that is a hard thing to do.

[Blaukraut]

5. Tay, hang in there

It sounds like you're in a pretty tough place right now. Remember to talk to someone when you're feeling down and depressed. It helps a lot. And don't feel badly about borrowing from family. That's what family does. They take care of each other. You will be in a position to return the kindness soon, if you haven't already.

I hope one of your call backs will result in a job soon. You deserve a worry-free Christmas :hug:

[TayTay]

11. Agreed and thanks

I have to get out more. I can't believe it's been so long since we met. We have to get together. Can you come to Boston in DEc?

[whometense]

6. DU owes you.

I donated (first time in a long time) just to respond to your post. And I apologize for my absence - I've just found politics so dispiriting; to be honest, embarrassingly, I'm not sure I've ever recovered from 2004. To this day I think of how different a country it would be if a few thousand votes had gone a different way (or been properly counted). Having Dumbya back in the spotlight only raises old devils, doesn't it?

Anyway, I'm so, so sorry that you've had to go through all this - first your mom, and then the long period of joblessness. It's awful, and I don't imagine that knowing you're one of a very non-exclusive club helps much.

There's probably not a person in the country who's not in the millionaire/billionaire class who's been untouched by this recession. My husband and I have been lucky to have our jobs, but I worry all the time about my kids' prospects - all of them have in one way or another felt the strong pinch of economic hard times.

I wish there was something concrete to offer, but I do want you to know that I think of you often, even though I've been nonexistent here for a long time. Here's wishing you a peaceful holiday season, and big positive changes coming up ASAP. Any business would be lucky to have you and your energy and skills on board. :hug:

[TayTay]

12. You have been missed

Damn, we need a meetup. I have missed your humor, passion and the updates on kids. (Mine are doing well and I am petrified for their future. Sigh!)

This Brave New World we are entering into is scary as hell. My kids followed their passions into education. I still think that is good advice. I know a lot of people whose kids were business majors who are equally out-of-work. (Hey, my son is actually a pretty good tailor, maybe tailoring will be a skill in demand next year when he graduates.)

Damn, we need a meetup. I need to give and dispense some hugs.

[whometense]

13. I would love to see you.

Let's make it happen.

[Mass]

7. I am so sorry to hear that, and

feel your pain literally, as we are in a similar situation.

As others, I want to say that your contribution in this forum is invaluable and I you will find a good job soon. I have learned that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, a goal to achieve that keeps you active even when things seem lousy. Right now, it is the fact my youngest will graduate from high school. I still will worry about what he will do after, but we passed this bridge and we will keep on going.

I am happy your husband found a job and I am certain that it will be soon your turn. Good luck!

[ProSense]

8. Hi Tay

Thanks for sharing this. I'm praying and pulling for you that things work out soon. I've been there, and know that it's hard to keep faith sometimes, especially when all you're hoping for is to be able to survive. Optimism isn't easy to find when you're down in the dumps. It's good that you have a family that loves you and cares for you, one that you can count on. Never give up on them.

Life does have a tendency to want to knock you down, but it's always important to remember that health and peace of mind come first. If you have those two things, be thankful. Thank God.

Know who you are, reaffirm your faith in yourself and reach out to others if you can't find the strength.

You are a champion, one of the most compassionate people I know. I will keep praying and pulling for you.

:hug:

[wisteria]

14. Tay,it is just a matter of time. Things will turn around for you.

I cried when I read your post. I have been where you are until recently. Please do not let your current situation defeat you. You have so much to offer and employer. Keep on pushing, and applying for anything and everything you can. Networking is important. I took part in a resume and recruitment class at my local Career Link which was extremely helpful.They even re-did my resume for me and that is when I started to get requests for interviews. Things have really changed on the hiring front in the last couple of years. Resumes are viewed differently and many employers are down to so few employees they are nervous about not being prepared when the economy recovers, and they are looking for recommendations from co-workers and other employees to ensure that those they do hire will not be to much of a risk. Networking is important-it has always been who you know, but it is even more important now. HR Departments and recruiters are receiving thousands of resumes, and many resumes go unread because of scanners that pick out certain preprogrammed wording on resumes. If your resume doesn't contain this wording it is just discarded. I would be happy to pass on the tips I learned if you would like me to.
However,it is so important to not give up on you and focus on the future. Things will improve, and if you have to ask for help from your family, that is what family is for. They understand and they love you. If you need a reason to get out of bed, consider volunteering. I volunteered just to have a reason to get up and out on certain days and to be social. And, it always helped me to remember, that no matter how bad things were for me and my family, other families had it worse. I had a roof over my head and food to eat, and I had the love of my family. And, I prayed to God. I have never been a regular church going person, but I believe my prayers have resulted in a miracle or two through the years. And, it gave me some comfort to unload my concerns and ask for some help without having to worry my family more than necessary.
Good things are ahead for you Tay on the employment front.

[Democrafty]

15. Tay,

what can we do to help?

[MBS]

17. I sent you a PM n/t

[YvonneCa]

16. I wish I could do something to make things...

...better for you. I am so sorry for what you are going through.

My family has also struggled through the last few years...and watched family income plummet during this recession. My income halved when I retired (health reasons) as did my mom's when my dad passed away two years ago. My youngest daughter worked in construction and was one of the early layoffs here in California. Thankfully, she just found a new job last month. And my brother is unemployed for the first time in 34 years. I think you are right about women being a bit more resilient during these times than many men. I see the pain in my brother's eyes.

One of the positives we've found is that we can be a sort of support group for each other. It really helps to talk to others who are going through similar struggles. I found a support group through my medical insurance :) ...but then I was able to share what I learned when others in my family found themselves out of work, too. For me, it was a real crisis of identity. Being a teacher was part of who I was for most of my adult life...and suddenly that was no longer true. I had to learn a new way to be...and I was lucky to have my four grandchildren to distract me. :)

Christmas can be an especially trying time. Christmas 2007 was the first without my dad. The last two have been difficult financially...so we had to change our traditional practices a bit and focus on each other more and spending less. THAT has actually been a very good thing. :)

I hope things do improve for you soon. I agree with everyone here that you would be such an asset to any employer.

I know we've never met...officially...but the existence of this group is really something special, and that is mostly due to you. :hug: My thoughts and prayers will be that things get better for you and yours SOON. If I can do anything to help, let me know here or send a PM.

Yvonne

[Inuca]

18. Tay

:hug:, and I wish I could make this little smiley fill up your screen. Wish even more I could do something to help in more concrete terms. Your post was touching, couragous, and wise (as always :-)).

I have not been in your shoes, but I came within one inch of the bottom a couple of years ago, with my very last salary coming in, and NOTHING, absolutely nothing, in the pipeline. The aforementioned last salary being from a teaching job, I knew well in advace what is happening, and had plenty of time to look for an alternative with dismal results. I do know the "why the hell do I need to get out of bed" feeling, the crushed self-esteem, etc. What made things much worse for me is that I am pretty much alone, except for my long-unemployed (another long story...) husband, so my income is what keeps us afloat. Alos, I live now in the middle of nowhere, and irrationally maybe, and in spite of the lack of family attachments, I just did not want to move, I just love too much my isolated house in the woods (and some corn fields). At the very last moment, when I literally had no idea where the next mortgage payment, not to mention some bread, would come from, a job offer came up. ALmost ideal in all respects except for bringing in barely more than half of what I was making before. So things are still tough, but I am most definitely not complaining. Wishing with all my heart that something good will happen for you as well very soon. The fact that somebody with your smarts and your unusual abiliy to write has such a hard time finding a decent job sayis a lot about the sorry state we are in.

Best, best of luck Tay. And gazillions good thoughts going your way from across the ocean.

[karynnj]

19. Everyone else has already said most of what I would or could have said

I really have never had to experience what you are going through. We are fortunate that the current job my husband has had since before I quit AT&T has been stable. It is difficult to think of how hard it had to be for your husband and then for you. In your case, the timing of the Kerry job ending at what had to be the nadir of the economic collapse really had to be as bad as possible.

It is good to hear that you are now at least getting called back. I hope that some lucky employer will be able to see the type of employee that you would be and makes an offer.

Your posts here have been incredibly thought provoking, wise and interesting. There is no one who did or does more in making this group the unique oasis that it is. I really can't think of a place that could have discussed some of the economic and political issues with the lack of polemics and the seriousness that happened often here. But, more importantly, it is a group that has often been supportive of each other. You likely created that as you personally welcomed all of into the group.

Like everyone else, I hope that things very quickly take a major turn for the better.

[ObamaKerryDem]

20. Sending prayers and positive thoughts your way..

..that things get better for you soon! :hug:

[TayTay]

21. Confession must be good for the soul and attitude

Have 3 strong "irons" in the fire as of today!

(Translation: 3 possibilites to be pursued for a new job. Not definites, but good Nibbles.)

This good turn of events, even in possiblity form, is no doubt due to all the good wishes from all of you.

Love you guys more than even I can say and thanks! The peop talk and love is unbelievable.

[YvonneCa]

22. That's good to hear. I hope your possibiities...

...turn into opportunities. :hug: Keep us posted.

[karynnj]

23. Wishing you the best of lusk -- to go with the fact that you would be an excellent employee

[Inuca]

24. Fingers crossed Tay

and best, best of luck.

Completely unrelated, of course, but I just heard last night from a colleague and friend, who for at least a couple of years had been looking for another job, quite desperate about it, and getting more and more desperate and stressed as nothing materialized. Well, she just got her new job, and a good one at that! Very happy for her, and very very sad for me since her new job will take her 5-6 hours away (that's where she wanted to move to) and she is theonly true friend I have where I live. A relatively new friend and I don't know how our new relationship will be able to withstand the distance. I hope it will, I am very fond of her. Incidentally, what brought us together was the fact that she is an even more rabid lefty than I am, a rather rare bree where I live. Telling the story just as an example that good things are still happening out there, even if they take a while.