Lamer and lamer - Kerry healey's jokes for St Pat's day breakfast

[Mass]

Last year, some may remember that she joked that if she married Kerry (John that is), her name would be Kerry Kerry.

This year, her top joke (in Lowell).

http://lowellsun.com/local/ci_3616222

She added that when she describes herself to voters unfamiliar with her, she notes she's the "richest, most power-hungry Republican in Massachusetts not married to John Kerry."

Jeez, she is obsessed by Kerry. (I know, she has to get in line for that). And she really should get better joke writers, because this one is a little bit old.

(Great lines by Marty Meehan in the article).

[karynnj]

1. Doesn't she think that people in the state may think

it strange that she has twice used jokes about herself involving marriage and Kerry? The description of herself is also not that flattering and not true of Teresa.

[TayTay]

2. The woman is a light weight.

The Rethugs have a habit of recommending the country club airheads who wouldn't know a days's work if it up and bit them in their over-spa-ed behinds. This woman is a joke. She hasn't done one thing for the good people of Massachusetts. Her husband, ferchrisakes, took money from the state to establish his business in tony and expensive Beverly Farms. (Some no-govt conservative, huh!) To top it off, that money came from a fund designated for Minority and Women-owned businesses.

She will probably make some fatuous remark tomorrow about Romney and what good hair he has. She and that shoe-polish topped gasbag can get a room together somewhere in Utah where she can worship the lying bag of horse sh*t up close and personal.

And I hope they check this Barbie's back tomorrow. She can't tell a joke and if she gets off any good line at the Breakfast, I suspect a black box hidden in her bra with a transmitter wire going out to Rethug Central Command somewhere in Weston. Bah! Feh!

[Vektor]

3. I think she's just sexually frustrated.

Her borderline obsession with Kerry, and her constant mentions of him in the biblical sense demonstrate that she, too, would love to pork him black and blue.

Sad she can't just come right out and admit it like we all can. :-)

Also, Kerry's hair is way better than Romney's. The distinguished salt and pepper beats the greasy shoe-polish look any day. I guess Healey COULD get a room with Mittens, but she'd likely be highly disappointed in the morning, and would probably accidentally call him "John" all night, and ask him to play "Vietnam red-light district, me love you long time, 'you-know-what' for five dollah" games...which he TOTALLY would not understand or be able to play correctly.

And we all KNOW who's really packin' don't we?

I'd like to see Teresa slap that ditz-bag right upside her empty, rattling little head.
:spank:

[TayTay]

4. I agree with you, she so wants him

She will probably make Kerry jokes tomorrow morning, starting with the pre-show. (Again, this pre-show is called, "Live From the Green Carpet," and is pre-interviews with arriving politicos entering the hall for the Breakfast.) Lt. Gov. Healey will no doubt try and convince everyone that she has killer material to deliver and she will, once again, be flatter than a 5th grade training bra. Honestly.

She so wants the Senator. I think she does murmer his name in her sleep, "Senator Dahlin' tell me again about that plan for the Middle East, only s-l-o-w-e-r this time, really."

[globalvillage]

5. Absolutely agree re the hair

and the obsession she apparently has with JK.
Pork him black and blue? Hehe. Ouch.

[TayTay]

7. There was no reaction shot of Healey in '03

when Senator Kerry did his Matzoball bit. Not even when he talked about having some work done on his shillelagh. Her rreaction shot would have been definitive proof that she has a thing for him. (But she so does. It's all those references to tall, handsome, articulate and intelligent men. There aren't any Repubs in Mass that fit all those categories.)

I don't know if the lovely and talented Teresa will attend tomorrow. Sen. Kerry likes to make a bit of an entrance to these things and doesn't usually show until around 11:30 or 12:00. Teresa had to attend the first one after they got married in '96, but she doesn't usually come to them. (Gee, I wonder why? Probably can't stand the thought of sitting with Mittens and Barbie and have to scarf down their 'jokes.')

Will post right away tomorrow if anything interesting happens. I hope Sen. Kerry shows. He missed last year after all. Hey Vek, I will make you a copy of the show. That way you can identify every pol in Mass between Boston and Worcester. (Ahm, I can translate for the Mayor of Boston. He can be difficult to understand. His nickname is 'Mumbles' Menino.)

Hey, you know there is always the possibility that the Breakfast could be dull and boring, like last year. Just so's you know.

[globalvillage]

12. The breakfast is tomorrow?

I hope Sen Kerry is there. You will have to tell us everything.

I was really hoping Teresa would show at the American Ireland dinner last night. It was at Heinz field, after all. And we really don't see enough of the very lovely Mrs Kerry.

All the local pols showed. Rendell was there, but had to leave early for something in Scranton.

Too bad we missed him. :grr: I wanted to have a 'discussion' with our gov about why I'm not supporting him.

[Vektor]

14. I think you recall my reaction to the shillelagh.

It was something like this: :nuke:

And then I had to change my pants.

I would be thrilled if you sent me a copy. My babydaddy BETTER be there, and I hope to hear another MatzoBallzzzz bit, or some other genitalia related humor form Sir Loin, hottest senator EVAH.

[TayTay]

17. Okay, I'll hope for this too!

Sentah Dahlin', please make naughty innuendo that half the audience won't get (but we will.) It would make our day and give Vek something to live for until she gets to Bawston.

That shillelagh joke was considered very risque, btw. He was sort of chided for it and for skating too close to the line with that one. (I really think he was ruining the 'aloof and elitist' meme the press had already written, but I can't prove that.) I loved it! I hope he's in the mood tomorrow to have some fun. I love the poems and songs and stuff. (Yes, I hae heard my esteemed taller Senator sing. Ahm, he needs to keep his day job.)

[Vektor]

26. They were just jealous...

Shillelagh envy.

[Vektor]

13. He can take it.

He's built Ram Tough.

[JohnKleeb]

6. i dont normally butt in to the looks thread but I thought about something

Ive read accounts of what John F. Kennedy was thinking about the 1964 reelection and he made some comment about George Romney, Mitten's father something like I am mbuch better looking than he is or something like that. All I know is that the candidate Kennedy thought a lot about running against was Romney, his father doesn't seem to have been the right wing blowhard his son is.

[TayTay]

8. Very true. That Gov Romney was not a bad guy.

His sone though, is another matter all together.

C-Span is interviewing Romney tomorrow on it's Q&A program at 8:00 pm (EST.) I wonder if Mittens will bash Massachusetts again? (Gee, ya think?)

Thank Gawd for good Senators!

[JohnKleeb]

9. Yeah Ive heard that he had a good working relationship with the UAW

which was big in Michigan at the time, wish it still was.
If Mittens hates your state so much, why the hell did he run in it in the first place, oh thats right hes a stupid asshole, seriously if I ran for president I'd praise my state to hell, talk about guys like Washington, Jefferson, people like that. Romney is a real arrogant smuck I hope he goes down in a GOP primary early.

[TayTay]

10. I still think he's really running for Veep

I think he's trying to prove that being from Massachusetts means he can raise money and won't be a drain on the ticket. I really think that.

Then again, a Kerry vs. Romney race in '08 would be, ahm, OMFG! What a grudge match.

[JohnKleeb]

11. Kerry Vs Allen could be a 350EV victory for us

Allen is such a dumbass, I hope no one here from the north actually buys his I am a southerner trash, he's from Irvine, California and his daddy was from Detroit. Some rebel. Yeah Kerry Vs Romney would be fun too.

[TayTay]

15. Kerry vs. Allen, OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG!

Kleeb, don't do this to me. I know this would be a bad thing for the country to ever get that doltish lump of idiotic ham anywhere near the Presidency. But, im my secret heart of hearts, I really want to see Sen. Kerry debate the oafish lout. It would be sooooooo great.

Moderator: Senator Allen, Your proposal that the Americans huddle with the Israeli's and try and come up with a new play that will involve using the US Marines downfield to catch an Israeli Army pass doesn't make any sense to anyone who isn't on serious drugs. Can you try and clarify that for the viewers at home.

Sen. Allen: (Stops, wipes the drool off his chin first) Ahm, well, the TV viewers know that I was just using the football stuff to try and make this stuff in the Middle East make sense. Cuz, it's really hard to think about this, and, ahm, wait a minute, ah, yeah, I meant to say that I was just being normal and down to earth and the kind of person who you can have a beer with. Unlike my opponent who is, ahm, too smart to have a beer with and would make you feel insecure. Hey, stop talking so fast. I don't hear that fast. What?

Sen. Kerry: (Walks over and pulls the secret earphone out of Barfbag's ear and exposes the transmitter on his back.) George, you've been on the Foreign Relations Committee for 8 years. I challenge you to find Israel on a map, without staff help. Can't do it can you?

Oh, please, please, please let this happen. Just once. For me, cuz I've been such a good girl lately.

[JohnKleeb]

16. If you want me to let that happen

That means I can't vote in the Democratic Primary in February 2008, there is no party registration here so I am techinically an independent. I am sure if he does run, he would do well in a republican primary, the Christian riight loves him. You know that there are actually bumpwe stickers around here that say Redskins Fans For Allen.

[TayTay]

18. But Kleeb, the press can't hide his dumbness

There just isn't anyway to do that. A long and grueling campaign would reveal that he has no more intelligence than your average block of wood. (And far less personality.)

I know that Bush is dumb and we got saddled with him through a very flawed process. But Allen makes Bush look positively literate. And, OMG, a Kerry v. Allen debate would probably kill me. Just friggin kill me. It would be heaven.

[JohnKleeb]

19. Allen would use football mataphors

They showed what he compared his straw poll result on Colbert or the Daily Show. The guy is a fucking shame honestly, I mean at least Bush doesn't wave Confederate flags in his office and keep hangmans nooses.

[TayTay]

20. Kleeb, btw, you have my sympathies on this guy

I understand, a little, how he won and how Chuck Robb had worn out his welcome with the VA voters. I do get that. And I understand that he was a popular Gov who had the good fortune of having a competent Dem assume the office after him and institute reforms that cleaned up his messes, thus making him look better in retrospect that he ever should have.

But honestly Kleeb, Allen is a joke. I didn't used to hate him. Then I saw his bully side last year during the Condiliar Rice hearings and during the Bolton hearings. He is one mean little bastard. (He proved this again during the Alito filibuster fight when he said he wanted to pummel Sen. Kerry or something to that effect. And he mentioned how he personally intimidated poor Sen. Johnson from South Dakota into not voting with the liberal pointy-head from evil Massachusetts. Sigh!) I watch the SFRC hearings and Allen is just such a world-class moron that he actually makes me turn the hearing off. (Okay, it's him and that half-man, half-weasel hybrid Coleman in tandem, but still.) It's just so awful to have all those great Dems on SFRC and then have to listen to Allen. Sigh!

The only thing worse is Sens. Sesions, Brownback and Coburn in Sen. Judiciary. Those people are so friggin scary that I usually walk away from the hearings.

[JohnKleeb]

21. You know its scary saying this but it could have been worse

Robb nearly lost to Oliver Fucking North in 1994, I actually got some respect for John Warner for refusing to endorse him, he got a lot of shit form the republican party conservative base. I found something interesting about Allen the other day too, he was briefly a congressman in the early 90s and almost ran against my current one in a primary. Virginia is getting better, Tim Kaine thanks to Governor Warner did even better in some places that Democrats havent been able to do so ewll such as Loudoun County where I go to school, Kaine won big there, Kaine killed Kilgore in Fairfax County. The GOP here is in a battle between more moderates who actually realize tax cuts have to happen sometimes for economic growth to happen and conservatives like our Lt Governor who think taxes are the most evilest thing ever. It's really interesting because you hear about retiring GOP moderates in the legilslature who endorse democrats to succeed them. Allen is a lot like Bush, he's cocky, grew up priviliged but think he's a good ole boy.

[TayTay]

22. Yeah, North, what a piece of work he is/was

He actually had ads put up in '94 that accuesed Robb of being on drugs. Oliver friggin North who ran the drug-running operation for the Reagan White House that gave the money to the Contras was accusing someone of running drugs. What a horse's ass.

Sometimes the forces of light do win one. Keeping that treasonous jerk North out of the Senate was one such moment.

[JohnKleeb]

23. It would have been awful

Good thing that indepedent candidate ran got like 15% of the vote. Its really interesting to watch this state grow more and more blue gradually, it wont ever be like Massachuetts but I think it could be reliable democratic.

[TayTay]

24. My part of Massachusetts isn't like Massachusetts either

I just went to a meeting a few days ago (chaired by the Left In Lowell blogger) and we were complaining about how conservative the Merrimack Valley is and how hard it is to elect progressive Dems. Brookline it's not.

Sigh! It's all relative.

[JohnKleeb]

25. Ah yeah I do know about Lowell

Its the area where Kerry first tried to run for Congress back in the 70s. Everything is all relative in politics and how things change over time, Massachuetts I know once had both the democratic and republican leader in congress, John McCormack who I think was a Bostonian and Joe Martin, dont know where he was from.

[karynnj]

27. But that's the Republican pattern

accuse your enemy of your own faults. Did Allen really threathen to pummel Kerry?

[sandrakae]

28. Maybe she secretly has the hots for him.

[Luftmensch067]

29. I sort of had it on in the background this morning

Am I wrong, or did neither JK nor Teddy appear or even phone in? If they were there or called, when did it happen?

I have never watched this event before; it was quite a trip!!! Gives you quite an insight into Boston politics...

[TayTay]

30. No and I'm thinking the Senator went to Idaho and

left the Breakfast to all the Gov candidates to sort out. Sigh!

Two nicely blue jokes though that went out over the airwaves and probably cause the tellers to have to go over the Nuns and apologize. Nice breakfast, way, way better than last year's snooze fest.