The King strode to the podium today and boldly attempted to hold 'press' conference with that rabble band of malcontents. He began the day with the patented royal wave, to let the disloyal 'news' people know who was in charge and just how deeply he held them in his Royal disdain.
King George: "Hello, little people. Hello. Now, let's get on with it. Helen, why are you still here? We haven't cut social security yet, retire at once woman and cease questioning your betters immediately. In the interests of charity and respect for the elderly I will permit you to ask me one question. Out with it old woman?"
Helen Thomas: "Sir, ahm, why the hell are we in Iraq and why did you lie to the people about the reasons we are in Iraq?"
KingG: "No, no guards, don't taser her yet, she amuses us. We are in Iraq woman because we want to spread democracy and freedom to the little people of that troubled land. We can't understand why those little people haven't thanked us yet and put up statues to our noble selves in their little town squares, but we assume they are in the works. See, we intend to bring the inncocent people of Iraq the freedoms of democracy, even if we have to force it down their ungrateful throats. We can't abandon them, because they would have no idea what to do without us. We will stay as long as it takes or until freedom rolls over the land like flood waters over a breeched levee. Forced freedom will be my legacy to those poor oil rich folks and I have every confidence that someday they will understand this.
Ah, Carl, First Earl of Fox, what is your question?"
Carl Cameron: "Oh most Noble and Gracious of Rulers, Light of the Universe and Keeper of all Knowledge."
KingG: "Carl, not here. The cameras are rolling. Those titles are for the private interviews for your wondrous and patriotic network."
CarlC: "Oops, sorry Sire, I forgot. Ahm, King, sir, ahm, the lowly and despicable Democratic hordes have decided that they have the right to question your right to issue laws and edicts without checking with them first. How do you plan on punishing these traitors? And will it hurt? And can I film it for a very special episode of 'Cops'?"
KingG: "Carl, as you know, our Loyal Opposition is under the delusion that freedom and liberty mean that you have the right to say whatever what you want, even in a time of war. This is ridiculous. They keep pointing to that silly Constitution and saying that We have to obey some set of inconvenient laws that were written hundreds of years ago, as if that matters to us in the least. We find the Democrats to be in bad taste and We are thinking very strongly of having them restricted to certain areas of Capital Hill away from microphones and other things that might cause them to distract my people from my noble cause of endless war. Really, the Democrats are getting very tiresome with their endless harping on the tiniest things, like you said the war would cost 50-60 billion dollars and it now costs $250+ billion and it looks like there is a Civil War going on over there and other triffles. Honestly, someone must tell them, we are at war because we like it and we have no intentions of quitting any time soon."
Sigh!