Need some advice here

[AngryOldDem]

Here's the deal.

About a month and a half ago, I went to confession. Some of the things talked about are still issues today, some even more so. Yes, I did what my priest counseled me to do...am still doing them...but in a lot of ways I actually feel worse than before I first went.

So...do I go back for another session? Do I try to "gut it out" for a little while longer? Am I going back too soon for the same issues? I'm concerned that if I go back I'll be perceived as a "frequent confessor," which doesn't look very good, either, I guess.

Any thoughts appreciated.

[scarlet_owl]

1. I don't really have an answer for you, I just want you to know

that I'm going through the exact same thing. In fact, I was just thinking about this problem and what to do. The sins I'm guilty of are habits and they are terribly hard to break. I too feel worse when I come out of the confessional than I did going in. I wish I had an answer for both of us. :hug:

[DemBones DemBones]

3. Hmmm, sounds like the THREE of us all need to take my advice, which

actually comes from Scott Hahn and other sources.

BTW, are you either one interested in Celtic spirituality?

[AngryOldDem]

4. Thanks

Sometimes you think you're the only person in the world who is in a particular situation. It's a comfort to know you're not alone.

I know what is right; I know what I must (not) do. But I am still struggling. And I hate to show signs of personal weakness, which I guess is part of why I'm hesitant to go back. That, plus the fact of what he may think. I know that should not be of concern, but it is.

:hug: to you, too.

[DemBones DemBones]

2. Did you know that John Paul II went to confession as often as every DAY?

And so did Mother Teresa. I'm guessing they were always confessing the same weaknesses and concerns. I know, and you may know, too, that Mother Teresa had a "dark night of the soul" for the last several decades of her life, feeling shut off from God, but evidently John Paul II also had his spiritual needs. I'll bet Benedict XVI is also a frequent confessor.

You don't have to be a great sinner to go to confession, or have a list of exciting new sins, plus it sounds like you're looking for spiritual direction. If that's what you want and need, talk to your priest about whether he can be your spiritual director (if you'd like him to be) or whether he can suggest someone else.

I heard Scott Hahn talk about confession and spiritual direction on EWTN and he convinced me we should all have spiritual directors and should all be going to confession every week again because it's good for us to receive the Sacrament of Penance even when we haven't committed a serious or mortal sin. I haven't been able to act on this yet, but it's in my head. (Well, I did try to go on a retreat but got sick that week with a rotten summer cold! Drat!)

[AngryOldDem]

5. A good friend of mine has an SD

...and she can't say enough about him, or the counsel he gives her. I just may look into that, once I'm at peace with my own soul. Right now I'm not, and it is driving me crazy. I'm trying hard not to let it show but I don't know how much longer I'll be able to do that.

Thanks for the advice, DB.

[DemBones DemBones]

6. Maybe some books would help? Does your parish have a library?

If not, try the public library. And don't forget Interlibrary Loan!!! Even when they charge for it, which I think is only for out-of-state loans, it's cheaper than buying books. Scott Hahn's books are great and I'm sure there are many others. I've been looking at books on Celtic spirituality online this afternoon. ;-)

[tjwmason]

9. A good S.D. reaLLy can make aLL the difference

The essentiaL word there is 'good', and of course one S.D. wiLL be exceLLent for you and terribLe for the next person.

A good friend of mine worked through about 4 Priests untiL he found his current S.D. - they aLL gave him some decent advice, but with the present one he cLicked aLmost instantLy and perfectLy.

ALso remember that an S.D. is not necessariLy a Priest, if he's going to hear your confessions as weLL that can make things very easy at times - but there's no probLem with getting SpirituaL Direction from a nun or sister (for exampLe).

[CBHagman]

7. My gut reaction is that...

...you shouldn't be too hard on yourself. Without knowing what the individual issues are, I can't make a judgment. However, I figure most long-term burdens are like the 12-step program: you get up every day and just deal with things as they come. There is no day off.

I don't see anything wrong with going back to confession as often as you can, especially if there is true trust between you and your confessor. You are a pilgrim, someone struggling to live as God wants you to live, and if you can find people to support you in that, all the better.

On edit: I used to work at a retreat center, and I was aghast when some groups scheduled both confession and examination of conscience every single day during retreat. Given that their days were spent in prayer and attending Mass, and even meals had readings (with no conversation), I wondered when they had time to slip up spiritually.

Yes, I know I'm very, VERY wicked.

[Princess Turandot]

8. Did you think the priest was in a position to counsel you ..

on what you went to talk about? Your message sounds like you were seeking advice as much as 'forgiveness'. I don't want to pry into your privacy, but if the priest was advising you on avoiding 'sin' or on matters of spirituality, that's one thing, but if he was advising you on matters of a specific inter-personal relationship problem, just as an example, I guess I would consider whether his experience and his knowledge of you was sufficient to give you the right counsel.Do you know the priest? Would speaking to another be different? If the matter is not actually a 'sin' would speaking to the priest outside of the confessional be more appropriate.

[AngryOldDem]

10. I know the priest very well

Sorry I haven't been able to reply sooner but my work and school schedules have kept me offline for days.

Yes, I know this priest quite well; since 1989 and RCIA, as a matter of fact. He presided at my wedding. What I'm basically faced with is a dilemma that never thought I'd have to face, especially at this stage of my life, one that my head knows has only one answer but my heart is not accepting of that. I guess what I need is to have someone "safe" to talk to, who can possibly give me some insight and perhaps help me find a way to reconcile things within myself. I just don't want to be seen as running back to him with basically the same problem after having just spoken with him about it. (By the way...it was an "informal" confession, done by appointment in his office and not in the confessional, per se.

[The Jacobin]

11. If you have changed your approach - stick with it.

Change is very hard. If you have just recently started trying the advice he gave you, keep trying it.

If you need encouragement, give him a call to tell him you are trying it out. But basic changes in life are very difficult to accomplish and need a lot of work before they stick.