Need advice from Catholics...

[friesianrider]

I am curious what the church requires in terms of a non-Catholic marrying a Catholic in a ceremony in the church. My boyfriend is Catholic and I am not, but it is very important to his family that we have a ceremony in the church, preferably a full mass - I want to do this out of respect for his family and their traditions. I'm just wondering what, if any requirements the church has with regard to allowing non-Catholics to marry Catholics in the church, and with a mass (is this even possible if I am not Catholic?)...and am I required to convert?

Does anyone know what exactly the procedure is for converting, anyway?

[The White Tree]

1. I'm not sure on the first part but I can find out

My mother in law was a church secretary before retiring a few years back. I'll ask my wife to ask here.

As far as the procedure for converting, it depends on what your religion was previously. Specifically if you had been baptized.

If not you will need to be baptized, confirmed and have a first communion. These are all generally handled at the same time. The Catholic church has a specific program for this called RCIA (Right of Christian Initiation for Adults). Generally it involves attending weekly classes for as much as a year to learn about the faith and what is involved in it, the rites , the mass, etcetera. In addition you will need a sponsor, a current Catholic, probably your boyfriend, who will be required to attend either the classes with you or at the least be present at several (3 I think) pre-initiation rites that occur during masses at the church you will attend.

Then, generally around Easter there will be a ceremony which can either be a private one for an individual or, as was the case for me, a large group ceremony. Mine took place the Saturday before Easter (the Easter vigil). In our ceremony people who were not baptized, were first baptized, then we were all confirmed which essentially is you standing up and declaring your faith to those in attendance, then we received our first communion.

If you are serious about converting, or even to answer your first question, I'd go with your boyfriend to talk to the priest at the church that he attends (or his parents church if he does not attend regularly) and see what they say. Churches have a lot of latitude about this and different priests can have different views on requirements.

In addition, if you are to be married by a Catholic priest, generally they will also have you attend pre-marriage sessions both with the priest and with one or more married couples from the church to discuss marriage and it's implications on your life and the reasons for marriage within the faith. These are pretty informal usually.

Again talk to the priest(s) at the church where you are getting married for the best information as they have a lot of latitude in these decisions I think.

Good Luck and whatever happens Peace be with you and your family and may you have a happy and fulfilling marriage.

If I get the info from my mother in law I'll post it here.

[The White Tree]

2. Here is the info I got on non-Catholics marrying in church.

No requirements. The person must be "free to marry". By that I mean
they must be non-married or their marriage must be annulled (catholic).
A non-Catholic can marry a Catholic in their ceremony, with mass, as
long as they are free to marry.

[shrike]

4. My siblings and I all married non-Catholics

Each of us was married by a priest (though my hubby and I had a civil ceremony, waited for his first marriage to be annulled, then had the pastor of my church privately marry us) in church, at a wedding mass. Not much is asked of the groom's family other than treating the Catholic rite with respect. The non-Catholic spouse must promise to raise the children Catholic, but nothing else is required beyong pre-marriage counseling.

My SIL and one of my BILs eventually converted, but that was totally up to them, no pressure from anyone. My BIL decided that if his three little girls were going to be raised Catholic, he was going to have to know how to do it properly, and took instruction, baptism, First Communion and Confirmation. My SIL converted prior to their having children because she thought it was important that the two of them share the same religious faith.

My hubby is an agnostic (though a deist on his good days) and I deeply appreciated his "going along" with the annulment process. He doesn't attend church and I don't ask him, but he's pretty good about accommodating my mass schedule.

[CBHagman]

3. You are definitely not required to convert.

There have been a number of Catholic/non-Catholic marriages in my family, and things have progressed a great deal since my Irish Catholic grandmother was married to my Swedish Lutheran grandfather. You should have no trouble getting married in the church and could arrange to include a non-Catholic member of the clergy to hear your vows along with the priest, if that's your need.

However, the very first thing you need to do is talk with your boyfriend and find out just what he really wants to do. Then you should share what you need (provided that you've decided).

If your boyfriend belongs to a parish, he needs to get in touch with whichever priest deals with engaged couples. You can expect to have to go through a premarital counseling program (pre-Cana). Does your boyfriend have a priest he feels especially close to?

Conversion is another process entirely, and you should decide whether that's for you.

Best wishes!

[DemBones DemBones]

5. As others have said, you are not required to convert.

Only if you run into an old, grouchy priest will you get any grief, and they're mostly retired by now. Besides, there always were ways to get what you want. A friend of mine simply told her old, grouchy priest that she was going to marry a non-Catholic, he would not convert, and if the priest wouldn't marry them, she'd leave the Church and her soul would be on his conscience. A bit extreme, but they didn't hear a peep out of the priest after that and he did the wedding Mass. (This was in the late sixties, BTW.)

Edit: I think you do have to be Catholic to receive Communion during your wedding Mass, so that's something to check on and consider. Normally, the bride and groom kneel together on a kneeler in front of the altar and receive Communion there together before Communion is distributed to the other Catholics attending. You and your boyfriend should talk to a priest soon. I don't think a priest will marry you if you haven't been through the Pre-Cana program, which is a Catholic marriage-preparation program, and it lasts a few months.

If you're interested in converting, a number of us here are converts and can answer questions.

Best wishes on your upcoming marriage!

[CBHagman]

6. That brings up an interesting issue.

I've heard of nuptial masses in which the non-Catholic bride or groom participated by lifting the chalice to the new spouse's lips. Then again, my memory could be playing tricks on me. :-)

Anyway, there are rather strict guidelines regarding receiving communion in the Catholic Church, so the rule here is, as always talk to your priest. I've known priests who did distribute communion to non-Catholics. My half-sister, for example, is a non-Catholic, and my father's pastor told her that he never denied communion to anyone who truly believed he/she was receiving the body of Christ.

But if you have a lot of non-Catholics attending the wedding mass, these are things you will have to consider, including in the program for the wedding.

[ElectroPrincess]

7. Yes, no requirements BUT

My husband is a lifelong Catholic to include schooling from K-12.

We were married by a Methodist Special Forces Chaplin Major in 82'. Albeit I did not convert to Catholicism at the time, my husband was free to continue to practice his faith.

However, when I was 8 months pregnant for the first time, we had another ceremony where we were "married in the church." My main obligation here was my promise to raise our child in the Catholic Faith.

Because I was raised Agnostic and my parents are very non-religious due to harsh experiences from their Southern Baptist upbringing, it took fifteen years after our legal marriage before I "fully believed" and "wanted to convert" (via RCIA) to Catholicism.

Our life as a family has been enriched and I feel blessed to have made this important transformation. Because I didn't rush to sign onto my husbands's faith, I feel that my decision to become a Catholic was heartfelt - not mechanical.

I believe that when children are involved, the Catholic Church *especially* wishes for both parents to support the raising of them within the faith. However, like others have pointed out above, there is no known (by me) REQUIREMENT that both parents practice the Catholic Faith.