Hi...I have a question..maybe many...

[murray hill farm]

I was raised and baptized catholic...and i have only the best memories and feelings about it..i am grateful at so many levels. When i was in my late 20s, i began to move away from the church..mainly because of specific doctrine that i just could not accept in the church..and could not resolve it...birth control and such...which just did not seem wrong to me...and i just could not live with the internal feelings of hypocrisy that i felt...about that time i was divorced...and really never knew how to resolve that one..and stay in the church..and then years later was married again..this time outside of the church, of course...and was later divorced from that marriage. I am almost 65 now...and still the longing to return tugs at me now and then...still now i have many more issues with doctrin..abortion..and feel that i need to resolve this conflict if i really am ever to attempt to return to the church. Are there those of you that remain devout catholics...and still have such issues? If so how do you do this...i would appreciate any help with this...thanks!

[CBHagman]

1. I do have issues with the church, though I still practice.

I'm a life-long Catholic, though I did spend a number of years worshipping at other churches (Baptist, non-denominational, Episcopal).

Many of the beliefs I hold regarding, say, ordination of women, contraception, etc., are not in keeping with the church. There are a good many of us who attend mass every Sunday yet part company from the church on one matter or another. I happen to attend a fairly tolerant church, but you should be aware that there are all types of parishes out there!

You sound as though you're ready to start exploring your faith in one way or another, and that is deinfitely to the good. I should emphasize that there are many people, Catholic and non-, who will respond with compassion and a good ear to your concerns and experiences.

I should also add that it's possible you could find someone to counsel you, or perhaps a group of people to discuss this with (aside from here, of course).

Do you have any Catholic or Episcopalian friends? That might be a jumping-off point, too.

Your thoughts?

[murray hill farm]

3. Good advise and thanks!

I do have a few catholic friends..but it seems to me they have this one handled...and continue in the catholic church with little of the anguish that i feel about going back...with a good number of reservations on doctrine. a couple of things that people have said that i did find helpful are that 1) sometimes you just have to put Catholicism on the shelf for a bit...and if you are at a choice point on anything, u need to check with your own conscious first..and follow that...or 2) that there are errors in all belief systems and that doctrine changes with time on many things and finally 3) that the church asks of you that you strive to be like Christ...while knowing that you can never be as Christ. So these are somewhat helpful, as i mentioned, but mostly people don't know what to say when i ask such questions and so, i do not bring them up again. Another question that i have, is if i went back to the church..and as you might surmise, i do want to...then what would happen if i wanted to remarry within the church and what would happen then...i think that would be unlikely to be something that would be seen as acceptable since i have been married twice before and divorced. I am old..ha..so perhaps that is not a consideration...but one never knows...and i cannot see myself dedicating the rest of my life to celibacy either...so, that of course is a predicament...lots to think about..as i said.

[Matilda]

2. I converted when I was young, just 21.

So in spite of the instruction I received from a very good priest, I was too immature to have a
proper grasp of the full implications of what I learned. That learning has been an ongoing process
over the years.

I've regretted my decision on only one occasion - when I wanted to marry a wonderful man who just
happened to hate the Catholic Church and insisted on a registry office marriage, which I just
couldn't do. Apart from that, I don't regret it, but I have developed differences of opinion on
some issues. I always check to see what theological scholars have to say, and on almost every
issue on which I have doubts I find there are many good churchmen who have the same views, but they
stay in the church and fight for change. So that's what I do too.

I figure that if the pope is just plain wrong on something (and they are human too), then why should
I go? As long as there are smarter people than I who have doubts, I'll stay with it. And I do
think that sometimes the hierarchy are guilty of forgetting just who and what Christ was, and the
way he did things. Love should come before everything, and especially nitpicky rules, however
carefully they've been thought out.

The only thing that would make me rethink is if this or any pope issued a statement ex cathedra on
something like birth control or female ordination. I may feel then that there's no hope, and
perhaps I couldn't stay, but as long as nothing is declared as infallible, it's open to change, so
I'll stay where I am.

[hedgehog]

4. If you are in a college town

you might want to check out the Newman center. Check around your diocese and you will find a parish to suit you. "Catholic" does mean universal. We've got something for everyone. My daughter attends Mass in a parish that includes a lot of ex-priests and their wives. 99% of the things that people get hung up on have very little to do with the core beliefs. Sit down with the Nicene Creed and read it through carefully. Read the Great Commandment (Love God with all your heart..Love your neighbor...) Follow the instructions from the Last Supper ( Do this in memory of me) All the rest is very helpful, but subject to change, IMO.

[CBHagman]

5. Yeah, I liked Newman Centers, too.

I found that they attended to attract faculty and staff from the university or college, plus adults who wanted a different kind of community. Interestingly, I did meet ex-priests in the community!

By the way, there are huge variations in opinion among Catholics (and even some religious) regarding divorce and remarriage. The church has an official stance, obviously, but annulments are much more common than I remember them being when I was growing up.

If you really want to pursue the possibility of someday remarrying within the church, put out some feelers with a sympathetic priest and/or divorced Catholics. For all I know, there are support groups for divorced and separated Catholics.

Again, it's a hard row to hoe, but you might find the answers are surprising.

One note of caution: You really need to find a priest you can talk to. Don't try sitting down with Father Pre-Vatican II or someone! :-)

[murray hill farm]

6. Thanks..u have been really helpful and i appreciate it.

i live in Brunswick Georga...small southern city, but within a 20 mile stretch, there are 3 Catholic Churches...so i am going to mass on sunday...checking out just the feel for them one at a time. i have not checked for a newman center...and i would have my doubts, but you never know..and i will check for one. i guess the only way is to dive right in and see what i can see, so to speak. you have been so helpful on this to me. thank you so much.

[CBHagman]

7. Best wishes, and come see us!

I'd love to hear how things go.

There was a time when I lived in South Carolina, and we had to either drive to the county seat or into Charlotte, NC, to get to a Catholic church. Catholic communities gradually increased, probably due to retirees and relocating families as much as anything else.