I have a question for you guys, and advice needed.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

I live across the street from a Catholic Church. I converted to Catholicism a few years back, but I haven't been to church in two years. I want to go back, but I find myself bashful. And I need encouragement, even though that's not why I originally started writing this post.
Here's my question. I live in Downtown Oklahoma City across the street from St. Joseph's Catholic Church. I walk my dog four times a day around the Church. (I'm a good pet owner and clean up after her). Why have I never seen the priest? Why is there a priest at the church who is scared of the neighborhood? I thought the point of a neighborhood Catholic Church was love and outreach and caring for a flock. This place has a fence around it with cameras, an intercom for entrance that kind of thing. I understand the security, but why is the priest not more sociable? We see nuns occasionally, but even they don't seem to want to mingle with the literally hundreds of people who visit the area every weekend. I'd like to talk to them about coming to the church. The one time I went, people were so disrespectful to the church and no one even looked at me during the part of mass where you say Peace be with you to those around you. So I haven't been back.
I loved the church I went to in the town over from where I lived, and the one I went to in College. The ones here in OKC are just not as welcoming and I'm missing out. I miss mass, and I miss being with other people of my faith. I just don't want to have to drive an hour to go to mass with my husband's grandmother. I'd like one local so I could be involved.
Help?
Duckie

[theredpen]

1. All parishes are not created equal

I hate to say this, but you may have to parish shop. I just attended a lovely mass at a little Catholic Church in downtown Las Vegas. I wish I could attend here more often, but I think that this church serves mostly tourists like myself. I like the churches I've visited in Dallas, but this one I'll miss. I think that because so many people who fill the pews at this Church are from out of town, the priest is particularly welcoming, and it reminded me how important it is for people to feel at home when they come to the Lord's home.

One thing you have to realize is that you're in the South and the Catholic community may have a bit of a siege mentality. I know nuns in Dallas who are regularly accused of being minions of Satan by assorted fundamentalists. It gets to the point where you look for a Rosary or a Scapular before you approach someone, for fear of Catholic-bashing.

I know you said that you are shy, but if you could someone a moment of strength to approach the clergy, they may not realize how insular they seem. This sounds like a parish wary of strangers, and the regular members, clergy and lay ministers may have forgotten the simple act of welcoming. I think it's sad if that's the case, but maybe just you speaking up might rekindle the light at the door.

I hope that you've found this helpful and good luck finding a community; we all need one.

Anyway, for some reason I'm reminded of the words of the 13th century Sufi poet, Rumi, inscribed above the door of a Christian church in Shiraz, Iran:

Where Jesus lives, the great-hearted gather.
We are a door that’s never locked.
If you are suffering any kind of pain,
stay near this door. Open it.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

2. I just find the place a bit odd...

The one time I went, by the time I walked out of the door and through the courtyard, the priest had already been into his house, changed and had his luggage in his hands. He was getting into his car. It took me four minutes to get from the pew in the back where I was sitting to the courtyard, if that. It was just...odd. Why wasn't the priest at the back greeting people as they walked out? I had never seen anything like it before.
And there's always a guard in the parking lot during mass and weddings. It's just weird.
Duckie

[theredpen]

5. It sounds like something is wrong

Well, I tried to give them the benefit of the doubt, but yeah, that sounds really freaky.

I've been to a "ghetto" Church in the notorious "5th Ward" area of Houston. They had to beef up security after the altar was trashed by a crazy homeless guy. Even there — once you got past the guard and the cameras — they were friendly and welcoming. This despite the fact that it was really obvious that I wasn't from the neighborhood.

Is this Church in an area that used to be more affluent or less ethnically diverse? It could be a parish that didn't react appropriately to changing demographics. Whatever the case, it sounds like you need to parish shop. :( Trust your instincts on this.

[DemBones DemBones]

7. It sounds to me as if the priest was going on vacation or

perhaps home to see a sick parent or sibling. Our priest has sometimes told us that he'd be leaving right after Mass (this at the last Sunday Mass, of course) and has even parked his car, already loaded with luggage, right in front of the church, on the steep stone driveway mostly used by hearses. So it's possible this priest had informed his parishioners previously.

Our church is on a hill but behind it is an old neighborhood in decline, with associated crime. People used to cut through our parking lot all the time, which was no problem until there was a stabbing in the parking lot back about 1989.

Now we have a fence around the parking lot and the gates are locked except on Sundays, probably for weddings and funerals. You can still drive up the steep road in front of the church to get to the parking lot, but the fence has discouraged people from crossing through the parking lot or loitering in it.

Before the fence, I also had a Jack Chick book, not a tract but a book, condemning Catholicism left on my car while I was at Mass. (I am in the South, but that's the only time anything like that has happened to me. The Baptists and Pentecostals don't think we're "saved" but they don't bother us. People from our church work with people from other churches at the soup kitchen and in other projects.)

We also had an incident involving a man who went into the church, dressed himself in some of the priest's robes and built a fire in the sink in the sacristy. When one of the priests walked in, the man asked "Do you want me to hear your confession, my son?" If the priest hadn't walked in, the church might have gone up in flames. It's stone on the outside but there are high wooden beams, Franciscan style, and other things that would burn, like pews, carpet.

The church was still left unlocked during the day at least through 1994, which was years after the fire in the sacristy incident. I no longer work in town so I'm not in the habit of dropping by, don't know if it's still unlocked but I think one door is.

At times we have had off-duty policemen directing traffic before and after Masses, so there was some kind of threat but I never heard what it was. We also have them there overnight for Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament on First Fridays, to protect the people who come for Adoration.

[CBHagman]

3. I went to the archdiocese website...

...and saw that most churches have a website but St. Joseph's does not. Is it possible that there are too few clergy and staff to maintain any sort of outreach to the community? You could also call the office and find out what's up.

The archdiocese:

http://www.catharchdioceseokc.org/

Listing of parishes, some with links:

http://www.catharchdioceseokc.org/parishes/Parishes.htm

[YellowRubberDuckie]

4. This is one of the main churches in Oklahoma City.

It's the oldest Cathedral. It makes no sense and it's really sad. This whole shortage is really a detriment to the church.
Duckie

[JNelson6563]

6. Try going into the church during "off hours"

When I traveled regionally several years ago I'd always stop in if I found an interesting looking Catholic church. It was always during mid-day type hours, weekdays, when there wasn't really anything going on.

More often than not I'd bump into the parish priest and we'd chat a bit.

Julie

[DemBones DemBones]

8. At your archdiocesan website, it's listed as St. Joseph's Old Cathedral,

and there is a new cathedral, Our Lady of Perpetual Help. That suggests to me that St. Joseph's parish could be declining in numbers, as many old churches in cities have when people move to the suburbs. Maybe the church is going to be closed in the next couple of years because it's costing too much to operate in relation to the number of people it serves. If people know or suspect that, low morale in the parish is a given.

But, isn't there more than one Sunday Mass? Not only are parishes different but Masses within a parish are different. You might find another Mass more to your liking. Since it's right across the street, I'd certainly try all the Masses before giving up on the parish.

Personally, one of the things I've always liked about the Catholic Church is that people don't come up and make a fuss over newcomers, as if they're trying to sell them on that church. Smiling and saying "Hello" is nice, before or after Mass and outside the sanctuary, but Catholics are not much inclined to stand around outside and chat afterwards. If you want to interact with other Catholics, you need to join a group within the parish.

Don't leave so quickly after Mass, trying to see the priest. Call and make an appointment to see him at a time convenient for both of you. Get there ten minutes early and maybe you can chat with the church secretary, ask her which Mass she goes to. Tell her you're trying to decide which Mass to attend. Chances are that if she saw you at Mass that Sunday, she'd stop to say hello, maybe introduce you to others. She'll know about groups you can join, too. Usually church secretaries are very friendly, it's part of their job.

And, if you don't hurry out of the church after Mass, there's a better chance people will say hello. Wander around admiring the outside of the church, smile at people. The worst that can happen is they won't smile back and that would be their problem, not yours. Most people will smile back and some may talk to you.

If I were in your situation, I would really try to feel comfortable in this parish because it's so conveniently located. You can always try another parish if your efforts at St. Joseph's don't work.

Good luck and let us know how it goes. I've missed you posting here. :hug: