A bit of fun.

[Matilda]

These pieces actually appeared in church bulletins (so I'm told).


* Weight Watchers will meet at 7.0 pm at St. Martin's Church. Please use the big double doors
at the side entrance.

* The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on Water". The sermon this evening: "Searching for Jesus".

* Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.

* The Peacemaking meeting scheduled for this evening has been cancelled due to a conflict.

* Miss Charlene Mason sang "I Will Not Pass This Way Again", giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

* For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

* Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping, and requests tapes of Father Jack's sermons.

* The Minister will preach his farewell sermon, after which the choir will sing "Break Forth Into Joy".

* Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their schooldays.

* At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?". Come and listen to the choir practise.

* Scouts are collecting aluminium cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

* Potluck supper Sunday at 5.00 pm. Prayer and medication to follow.

* Low Self-esteem Group will meet Thursday at 7.00 pm. Please use the back door.

[Kajsa]

1. LOL!

"Don't forget your husbands."

:rofl:

These are great,Matilda.

Thanks.

:hi:

[AngryOldDem]

2. Here's more....

http://www.jnweb.com/funny/church-notices.html


:D :hi:

[Kajsa]

3. LOL! My stomach hurts

from laughing so much--

" Ushers will eat latecomers"- :rofl:


They are all great! :D

Thanks so much for sharing this, AngryOldDem.

And a very Merry Christmas to you and your family.

:hi:

[CBHagman]

4. I laughed till I cried.

Some of those I hadn't seen before, and I'm not reprinting any of them here because you owe it to yourselves, DUers, to click on Angry OldDem's link and read them.

Richard Lederer (Anguished English and other books) has been known to compile some of those church bulletin classics along with other language bloopers (e.g., such unfortunate headlines as "A Grateful Nation Buries Sam Rayburn").

[AngryOldDem]

5. Why, thanks, ya'll

Glad I could spread some cheer.

I hope you all had a Merry Christmas and I wish you all the best for the new year.

:hi: :toast:

[knitter4democracy]

6. #27 is freakin' hilarious!

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."

:rofl:

Maybe it's really funny to me since I've been the one in charge to tithing campaigns before. There are times when that one would come in handy. :)