An update on the Punisher

[Tobin S.]

This is an update on this post ----> http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=276x9968

The Punisher is the part of me that that is determined make my life miserable. It's the part of me that, if I go untreated, wants to kill me and has almost succeeded in the past even though it would mean his destruction as well.

I was driving down the road doing my trucking route the other day when I noticed something about this self-destructive part of myself (for some reason, the time I wrestle with the Punisher the most is when I'm spending those long hours behind the wheel). I noticed that the appearance of the Punisher is announced by a sensation, "Ladies and gentlemen, please join me in a warm welcome for our friend the Punisher!" A second before he arrives and lashes out at me I feel him coming. It's a physical sensation that I feel in my stomach and head at the same time. It's like knowing you are going to get hit and bracing for it before the blow arrives.

I've found that I can sometimes short-circuit the emotional violence that is the Punisher by catching that feeling and becoming aware of it before the Punisher gets there.

This may end up being a problem that I have to deal with for the rest of my life to one degree or another. It's a result of conditioning. But I'm hoping things will get better. They already have somewhat.

[EFerrari]

1. Imho, this is great news. If you know you will be visited

you can take pre-emptive counter measures.

I'm happy for you, Tobin.

[knowbody0]

2. My ears start ringing and I get tunnel vision

that's when I need to go to my cave where it's safe.

I think it's a blessing to be warned.

may I take this opportunity to say that you are a lovely and amazing man, Tobin. I learn a lot reading your posts. thank you.

[Tobin S.]

3. You are very kind

Thank you for the warm words. I just got in from work feeling irritated and in a bad mood, then I opened up DU and saw your post. Perfect timing! I feel so much better. :hi:

[knowbody0]

5. and I just finished an extremely crap filled day as well

but there you were responding to my response.

peace and love, buddy

[mopinko]

4. keep working, my friend.

and let me know if you are going to be in chicago ;-)

[Odin2005]

6. Ever thought of trying meditation?

It won't stop the "Punisher" sub-personality from popping up, but it will help keep you from letting it wreck you emotionally.

[Tobin S.]

7. Stuff like this makes me wonder sometimes

I see you posted this on the 17th, but I did not see it until now in the wee hours of the morning on the 20th. I also have an active thread in the R/T forum where on the 19th I replied to your response in that thread about my experiences with some Buddhist monks and meditation. Weird, eh?

I have tried meditation before. I have seen a way that it might be a little bit beneficial, but the whole business just seems like a chore to me and not important enough to pursue. I'm open minded enough to consider that I could be wrong about that, however, especially seeing as how the practice has survived for probably thousands of years. Not that that necessarily makes it right or good, but it does lend some weight to it. How has meditation helped you?