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After 17 years of insanity I think I've gone sane. I don't think most people know that you can go sane once you've been insane. But sure enough, here is reality. It's depressing, liberating, and funny at the same time- not reality, but going sane. Well, I guess that could be reality, too.
I used to drink heavily, smoke heavily, and eat heavily in addition to taking psychiatric medication. I gave up smoking and drinking for my health and well being. I gave up eating heavily to be more attractive to women. Those were all crutches and when I took the last one away, the food, a funny thing happened. I became angry. Then I realized that the anger had been there all along. I was piling a bunch of crap on top of it to keep from having to acknowledge it and deal with it. Psychiatrists call it "self-medicating."
So, I'm dealing with it. No more Mr. Nice Tobin. Actually, I'm not angry at the world, and the people who I am angry at will probably never know it. Things are just going to hurt for a little while.
Thanks to everyone here who has followed my story. I'm going to continue to take meds, but I'm going to ask the doctor if I can cut down on the dosages to see what happens. Maybe one day I won't have to take that stuff anymore.
The world looks different today. I hope the change is here to stay.
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