Hello everyone. I've been away from this forum for a little while.

[Tobin S.]

And that was on purpose. When I clicked on the link to it, it was blue instead of purple. :)

I was posting here about some sensitive stuff that I was going through regarding my past and trying to work through some anger as peacefully as I could, and I think I've succeeded in doing so over the past month or so. I feel much better now than when I wrote my most recent posts here.

Good things are happening for me. I realize now that in some senses I was an angry person for a long time, but I was too much of a "nice guy" to admit it to myself. "I'm the one who treats everyone with kindness and understanding. How could I be angry?" And I was also in denial about a lot of bad stuff from way back when. Then the realization hit me that I've done some bad shit too and if I'm going to point the finger at someone else, I better be man enough to admit it when I've hurt people as well. It's been a humbling experience, but also very productive.

"The people who have crippled you, you want to see them burn." That's a line from an old Black Sabbath tune, and truth be told, if I believed in Hell I'd probably take great pleasure in the idea that the people who have hurt me in the past were going to spend an eternity there. But I don't believe in Hell and I am no longer crippled- cue the televangelist and me throwing my crutches aside, "He is healed by the grace of God!" :D

But I am happier now and I'm also gaining confidence in myself. My sexuality was one of those things about me that was crippled and that I was unable to express, and now things are changing in that regard. Well they have been for a little while, but I just wanted to be alone for a long time. Now I crave companionship.

I've been kind of a dramatic person in the past. I guess for all of my bipolar and schizoaffective brothers and sisters it comes with the territory. When you have those big mood swings it will make you that way. But the pendulum is slowly coming to a stop and is barely swinging now. I think I'll just reach out there and bring it to a complete stop.

A relative told me on several occasions that I was an extreme person. There was no middle ground with me. I'm hoping that has changed permanently. It feels like it has. If you ever see differently from me in the future, feel free to point it out and refer me back here. :thumbsup:

[EFerrari]

1. Well, bookmarking then.

:)

:hug: