Matters od the Heart

[Tobin S.]

I came in off the road in January of 2007 to settle down and possibly start a family. I was 34 years old. I took a job that got me home every day with the weekends off. I quit smoking, lost a bunch of weight, and joined a dating web site. I tried to make myself what I thought was as attractive as possible.

Three and a half years and seven women later, in June of 2010, I had not managed to get past a third date with anyone let alone have a shot at a relationship. My life had become dull. I was just existing and no one seemed to be all that interested in me and what I was doing. I needed to shake things up and I didn't need to be around the house for anyone. So I bought a truck and started doing long haul stuff again. I let my profile at the dating site go and stopped looking for someone. I figured that I would be happy enough being single.

Two months ago, a woman happened across my profile on the dating site, liked what she saw, and sent me an e-mail. I told her that some things had changed. I told her about being out on the road, that I had put on some weight, and that I had started smoking again. She still wanted to talk to me. Unlike the others, she seemed to be genuinely in interested in who I was and not just the peripheral stuff.

It's now two months later, and what started as an e-mail has turned into a real romance. I'm meeting her parents this weekend.

So, here I am with this big truck and a long haul job and it's looking like I'm going to need to be making more changes. Anyone want to buy a semi? She understands about me being gone a lot, but if this is going to be the real deal, I'm not going to be able to put her through that. It wouldn't be fair to her and I just wouldn't feel right.

I started this post thinking that I might ask for some advice, but I think I know what I need to do now. I'm going to give it some more time and if things continue to work out good, I'll start making those changes.

Here's a song for the occasion.

"Tourist" by Julian Casablancas

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vl5UWLU6Dz0

I wish that clouds could hold me up like I thought as a child growing up
I wish I could sound as soothing as the rainfall
But I am only a drop from the storm

Feel like a tourist out in the country
Once this whole world was all countryside
Feel like a tourist in the big city
Soon I will simply evaporate

They took the strings up north, the drums down south
After they crossed Afghanistan a long time ago
You're shuffling your feet into the next dimension
Soon skyscrapers will be everywhere

I feel like a tourist lost in the suburbs
Soon the whole world will be urban sprawl
Feel like a land lover out on the ocean
Feel like a teardrop streaming off your chin

Some will bet against you, try even to prevent you
But not many can stop you man, if you got a perfect plan
Can they possibly try - I demand to know why they would doubt you?
In this hand, a thousand generations...

Feel like a tourist out in the desert
So hot it feels like the Devil's breath
Feel like a tourist out in the swampland
This world is just patches of water and land
Everywhere I go I'm a tourist
But if you stay with me, I'll always be at home

[elleng]

1. OH TOBIN!

Tears of joy for you here!

Been waiting to hear. Haven't checked Lounge yet today, as I have some things to do around here, pretty good news too as 2 daughters due for Day After Thanksgiving dinner, a real family union and reunion.

Our necessary changes will occur to us. IMO, if you're long-hauling up/down east coast, absent few days/week would be fine. MY significant other and I each have a residence. 24/7 is NOT the only way to live happily with another.

:D

[mopinko]

2. don't suppose she is interested in driving, eh?

give it some time. if it is the real deal, it will work itself out.
happy to hear, tho, that things are going well. that is really great news.

[Tobin S.]

3. No, I don't think so

She is established in life- good job, nice home, loves her folks and lives close to them. I'm not going to ask her to give that up.

On the other hand, I can be flexible. It's not hard to find another job in trucking when you have a lot of experience and a safe driving record, and I don't have anything holding me to where I currently live.

And, yes, I'm going to take it slow and there are some things I can do at my current job so that I can be home more. That will work in the meantime while I'm looking and kicking ideas around.

[elleng]

4. Tobin, where does she live? Don't recall that you've told 'us.'

ps, does she know about your relationship with 'us,' loungers generally but all of du?

[Tobin S.]

6. Yeah, she knows about DU

She lives about 40 miles away from my place.

[elleng]

7. Excellent! You 'heartlanders!'

[postatomic]

5. Love the lyrics of that song

I find myself listening to song lyrics for the first time in my life. I write them down in my journals. Music is a wonderful sedative. No side effects.

Hoping all the best for you. It sounds like you're getting ready to travel down a new road. A new journey.

:hi:

[mopinko]

8. whatever you do, enjoy yourself

young love is one of life's greatest pleasures, what we are built for. suck it up. wallow in it. love it.

[Fire Walk With Me]

9. You told the truth...probably shook her up real good.

;)

Best luck!