I need to talk to someone else with Borderline Personality, please.

[HereSince1628]

Please, pretty please? I'm in trouble here.

PM me so that I can communicate in private.

I really want/need to talk to someone else who is living with this.

[HereSince1628]

1. Considering prevalence I suppose it was stupid to expect anything

file this under--whoops. Looking for help in the wrong place.
And I mean nothing against you all when I say that.

[Tobin S.]

2. Hey, HS

I did a little searching and found this web site:

http://www.bpdfamily.com/

I just googled "borderline personality support group." Maybe you can find a support group near where you live. There may be online support groups as well.

[HereSince1628]

8. Well, the fight goes to legal rights of the mentally ill WS sec 51.61(1)

and HFS 94.

These rules and law provide that a grievance procedure is
required leading to right of access to the courts.

To wit I have submitted the following grievance: 

Prior to my treatment at the VA I was not informed of my
rights under sec 51.30 Wis Stats,HFS 94 and HSS 92

I was denied the right to participate in the planning of my
treatment.

    I was forced to accept fee-based treatment at a specified
community provider. No alternatives were provided although I
had previously informed my therapist that I did not think DBT
was appropriate forme. I was not allowed to speak to my sense
that DBT was an inappropriate treatment.

I was refused prompt adequate treatment. 

    I was forced to go 7 months with no psychotherapy.
Treatment that would have had a reasonable probability of
preventing my being rejected by the fee based provider for
manifesting diagnostic symptoms of my disorders.

I may not be treated unfairly because of sex.

    My denial of service by the community provider was based
on my sex. A VA therapist communicated this to me.


---------

Being mentally ill doesn't mean you and I don't have rights.
The only way to defend rights is to claim them.

[mopinko]

3. i can only say

i wish there was something i could do. cuz i would.
i know i wouldn't be much help, but pm me if you would like. may not be what you are looking for, but i have pretty good ears.

[postatomic]

4. I can't meet your requirements

Shit, I don't know what I have most days. We've 'talked' about disassociation and the disconnect before. Please don't hurt yourself again. Beggin' ya'.

I'm feeling very frustrated for you. You know that there are people here that care about you and will do what they can to help you. Myself included.

Edit: Brain not wired. Didn't read what I wrote.

[HereSince1628]

5. I thank you guys for your support, but I need to talk to another borderline

As you know I've been fighting for treatment, I would even say strenuously and mightily fighting for treatment. That fight has even involved getting into the face of almost every psych director and patient advocate at Zablocki. It's also involved the humiliation of groveling for my republican congressman's staff to wade in on my behalf.

So, somehow, somebody pushed hard enough and got the Almighty Case Manager of the fee-based provider to do an intake assessment. Sounds good, but it wasn't. After all the struggle and time the fee-based provider refused to provide me treatment.

You see, BPD is a disorder of emotional dysfunction, and, indeed, I am emotionally dysfunctional impulsively so. I'd be lying to you if I told you I could predict how extremely I'll be feeling one hour to the next. There is really no denying or hiding that. Unfortunately, everyone on the planet is afraid of an emotionally dysfuntional man. And indeed it turns out that I am inappropriate for treatment in the facility that was supposed to be my best hope because they feel I would be too disruptive to group sessions whose members are almost exclusively emotionally dysfunctional--females. Nice tight catch-22, I've got the exact disorder they say they treat, but having that disorder makes me perfectly inappropriate for their clinic. It seems like someone should have known...but then maybe they did and just didn't have the gumption to say so. The VA is such a big sow to suckle off you probably don't want to offend it.



The VA out-patient staff claimed this was my most appropriate care option. Indeed they argued for months that it was well worth the wait...or as it turns out, not worth the wait.

I'm in a bad spot now needing to find something effective but the less appropriate. In pushing me out to wait for fee-based service the VA therapists have convinced me that no one there has the skill to deal with me.

So. I am afraid to rehash this in any greater depth, for fear that I will get me even more upset. Catharsis seems to have lost my URL.

But I would really like to get some advice from someone who is dealing or has dealt with this. I've got to figure out another approach to life with a bingo ball mixer that picks my moods.

[HereSince1628]

6. This is hard and unfair.

I've got a woman's disease, but I am male. Behavior that gains empathy for a woman spawns hatred for me.

It would have been kinder to have been given the diagnosis of sociopath.

By now, I would be locked away with other people who get what it is to be the object of everyone's fear.

I'd be heavily sedated and unaware.

Psychology is sexist. It's dominated by women. Women that fear men.

The result is being passed from one frightened therapist to another.

Shunning and avoidance replaces treatment.

Being a parapsychotic zombie is too hard.

Prison is the place for emotionally dysfunctional man.

Prison is the place for me.

But, I haven't got the guts to do what it takes.

[EFerrari]

7. Yes, you're right. This is hard and unfair.

And you're right that you're being passed from one ineffective therapist to another.

That's right.

[LiberalEsto]

9. Hi HereSince

I suspect my older daughter has BPD, but she is completely in denial about having any kind of problem. She stopped communicating with my husband, my other daughter, and myself a couple of months ago, saying she doesn't ever want to talk to us again. It was not about BPD, but a family issue. However her behavior in recent years was mystifying us, and when I described it to the therapist who I started seeing about my depression, she said it sounded like BPD and recommended some books.

We are just starting to learn about BPD. I'm reading "Stop Walking on Eggshells" and recently finished "I Hate You; Don't Leave Me."

Is there anything you can share/recommend/warn us about your personal experiences? Any books that might be helpful?

This situation is breaking my heart but I feel helpless to do anything about it.

[HereSince1628]

10. The most readable book I've found is "Borderline for Dummies"

It's not a great title, but the information in it is reasonably current and it is balanced with respect to how it discusses treatments. Because of the way the DSM criteria work, borderline can present with over 256 different combinations of diagnostic criteria. This makes differential diagnosis difficult and a personalized treatment for BPD very difficult. It also makes having a general discussion of BPD difficult. BPD's seem to have all manner of emotional and personality pathologies. Consequently, diagnosis by amateurs (untrained family, friends, etc) is rife with the likelihood of getting it wrong. Let the pro's do the diagnoses.

My comments below are sort of generic and intended to give you some reference from a BPDer's point of view relative to things that might be in play with your daughter _if_ she has difficulties similar to mine.

The hallmark of BPD is the recklessness. It often appears to be intentionally self-destructive and it scares the hell out of family and friends. Clearly, no one wants to 'allow' a family member or friend to kill his/herself. Neither does a friend or family member want to see or hang around a person engaged in behaviors that will bring negative social and economic repercussions and hardships. From a family/friends perspective the expectation for effective treatment is a focus on self-harm and 'good' behavior.

I think that's great for families of the BPD, and not so great for the borderline person. It tends to lead to confrontations about behavior. My significant others see entirely different motivations/needs and appropriateness for behaviors than I do. But, I'm perceiving magnitudes to daily problems, and dealing with them in ways that my mentally well family and friends just could not comprehend.

For example, you mention 'stop walking on eggshells.' That book immediately made me fearful when I flipped through it a year or so ago. Most of the stuff I've read for families and intimates of Borderlines scares the hell out of me. The same for on-line family support groups. Their messages come across as 'borderlines are terrible to live with, save yourself!' "How to leave a borderline" seems like a common theme.

No doubt, self protection is necessary, well, and good for the mentally well family/friends of borderlines.
But, the message also puts flame to my fears of rejection (and probably many other BPD's).

Some of the 256 types of borderlines, including me, are tremendously insecure. We see threats where others can't, and a general family problem will likely be seen as a personal issue because relating a need of everyone is not something we grasp very well.

Fears of abandonment lead to all manner of desperation ... including being the first to reject. In that way my feared abandonment or rejection gets converted into seemingly controlled choices. It's a terribly common BPD solution to interpersonal strife. The literature remarks on how BPDs often end up tremendously isolated.

What else can I tell you?

Some borderlines, like me, switch between senses of self and mood very quickly. People have told me that I seem to have multiple personalities. In the mood/role that I am in now, I'm able to be very much disconnected from my emotions and I'm able to be analytical about my problems. To you this role presents a me that seems very rational and capable of personal problem solving But there are "many me's", and most of those modes are not as high performing. The 'me' in other roles has also posted on this forum, and if you compare my posts you can perceive the shifts in my perceptions and emotions.

When I am forced to deal with the world while caught in the limitations of one of those roles the result is often disastrous. If I'm in my 'defensive warrior mode' fear of consequences and lavish aggression are all that I can offer. There's also a 'wounded and defeated me' and depression and hopelessness populate that role.

If your daughter suffers from this sort of role/mood switching, your interactions with her will seem to be extraordinarily unpredictable. Until you begin to recognize the roles and see the limitations in those roles you'll often ask your BPD'er to behave in ways that make no sense to her. The result will be frustration for everyone, another stormy confrontation and a months long sojourn of the rejection/reconciliation cycle that is the love you-hate you sort of thing mentioned in books.

[LiberalEsto]

11. Thank you, HereSince1628

A lot of what you mention seems familiar. I'll PM you.